Ever since I was born life has never been easy for me.  My mother suffers from a mental Illness, my father was abusive and my uncles where thieves and drug dealers. I can’t remember back to when I was young, but I still have a few very vivid memories. When I was two one of my brothers and one of my sisters passed away. When I was three my mother and father split up.  My sister and 2 brothers and I got put into foster care only a year later. We moved on to abusive carers who beat us and punished us harshly. I remember being […]
I can’t seem to get myself to do the simplest things. I am wading through life fighting against this current that tells me it would be better if I just left this plane and stop wasting resources. I feel ashamed constantly and I can’t shake off this feeling that the future is hopeless. I am disoriented. I want to get better, I’ve done therapy, meds, drugs, and yet this heaviness, this emptiness still lingers. Even with some of the ups I’ve had this monster of a feeling is ready and waiting to take me back into the darkness.
I’m stuck between wanting to break free and […]
For one thing I turned off the fucking T”V – nothing like bad news streaming into a vulnerable consciousness. Staying away as much as possible from assholes helps too but, feeling hopeless and anxious is still present; just ramped down.
I see very young people here and realize I’ve been like this since that young age – you either resort to drugs, alcohol and then get into even more hopeless situations- you would think that after all this time I wouldn’t do that; HA
I have no answers
Just went crazy, throwing stuff around my room, breaking stuff. Yelled at my parents on the phone, threatening suicide.
I’ve had several panic attacks, feeling convinced that my life is over. This one is the worst one yet. I feel like it will continue like this until i’m finally ready to die
Don’t have a good way to do it though. Scared of brain damage with hanging. No access to guns/drugs/poison
MY life has been hell for like 4-5 years now. I’m so tired of it.
I felt like I had JUST escaped from it all, but apparently not.
It started when my mom started doing drugs. That’s when my life changed. She started becoming more aggressive. She started staying in her room longer and sneaking friends in. She ruined me and my brothers lives. She eventually started to hit me. She attacked me a few times. She even lied to the cops about it once… I felt terrible that day. Even after all the stuff she’s put me through…I HATED seeing her walk out of […]
i Never Had a good Relationship with my Mom, she was Always out of the picture & on Drugs.
i Always wanted a mom Like The other kids in 4th Grade that would come & pick you up from school & just love you unconditionally. We fought , And Argued, She Told me She was Leaving Agian To NewMexico, i didnt really mind she had left multiple times . When she had gotten up there she called me maybe a month later saying she was pregnant, i Hated the Man she was with , He gotten her to take heroine agian, and she wasnt the same, She Said to me , […]
 Hi My Name Is Ellen,I’m 17.I suffer from Severe Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, And Graves Disease (Hyperthyroidism),And i anxiety issues. I’m not going to go into the gory details of what happened to me, what caused my depression (which to be honest, was a million different things). I left school at the start of grade 10 because i was being bullied…really badly, and that just added to my other problems, a few months after i left school i was sent to a Psychiatrist,she diagnosed me. […]
When people are so against people being on medication or think it is unnatural and the ones who take pills are fucked up and can’t deal with their own problems and just want to feel good.  I feel very hurt . Some pill bottles are filled with drugs so you can stop wanting to die all of the time. Some pill bottles are filled with drugs that help you fall asleep at night Some of those pill bottles are used to help you . And yes it sucks that people can’t have fun anymore and i understand , but sometimes it is the only thing you have […]
Honestly, this is killing me. Everyday, I wake up..
My mom is on drugs and she wants nothing to do with me,
My brother is in prison.. And dad’s getting older. Nothing easy anymore.
Guys, (girls) This isnt a cry for help. This is an honest statement.
I can’t go on much longer.
I’m in a relationship with someone I’m so in love with, but I get ignored on a daily basis.
It hurts more than anything. I could be happy. I really could, but not like this.
I’ve attempted suicide 5 times
I have scars, and I’ve be committed into the hospital 3 times.
I wanna get high as fuck.
Fuck myself over before I, well… Fuck myself over.
Don’t want to hear about how drugs are bad, I just want this all to stop. I want to kill myself. It’s nobody’s fault? Just my own. I have no future, no present and my past is as fucked as my head.
Thanks Daniel, Seriously. You have helped me with this decision. Well done, I know that’s what you wanted. I’m not a paranoid schizophrenic, well at leastI hope i’m not…. I didn’t expect it to come to this when I researched it.
Did I make this up? Fuck knows.
Please don’t leave, Silentblue. I […]
Funny how trivial everything becomes when you know you’re going to die. All these things that were once so important… job interviews, finances, hell even wars and famine and disease… are growing so distant, like a tv in the next room. Lately my own voice doesn’t even sound like me anymore. It sounds like the voice of some actor reading my lines. The other day I was talking and suddenly stopped because I sounded so weird, like REALLY WEIRD. Â I asked the other person if there was something wrong with my voice, and she said I sounded fine, politely adding, “maybe the acoustics are weird […]
So a few years ago, my first year in college, I tried to kill myself. I was in a bad place. I was living in a new city, had always been terrible at meeting people, and was under a lot of pressure to do well academically so I could keep my scholarship. Needless to say I survived, but I lost my scholarship, dropped out, and moved back home to live with my parents.
I was angry and depressed a lot. I got in fights with my family. My parents didn’t really get what had happened. After all, its not like I was physically abused or any […]
ok so i thought i just put everything bout my family in one post.
My dad: drug addict. been high for bout 30 years, off pain killers from his multiple surgeries. when he has been off i can tell cuz he is nice i know when he is taking them cuz his patience is screwed over and he is a dick. he has depression also.
My mom: is an assumer she will never listen to me i will be in the middle of a sentence and she automatically thinks the worst case scenerio. causing ***** fight after ***** fight. when she is stressed she turns […]
So today is the 30.07.12, and today I have given myself one year too think it over, to plan it and too decide if  it’s truly what I want.
My boyfriend, he left me today. He has no answer, he won’t even talk too me. Fact is I was very reliant on him.
I just can’t cope, and I can’t live like this. So one year today I will decided whether to kill myself or not.
As a child, I was sexually abused  by three girls, and one guy. I was physically and mentally abused by my sister. I was tormented and at age 11 I started too […]
Alright im 19 years old. You guys on here think you’ve been threw stuff? My Bio dad abannded me when i was born. Another man Adopted me and called me his. Only for me to find out it really wasnt him who was my dad. Brother died of cancer. I pretty much raised him. I have attempted suicide many times and i believe that it has put me in an inbetween of this and the next life. I look around and everything seems darker. The whole world just angier.
When i began expiermenting with drugs i did many things. Ive done anywhere from pot/DMT/Spice/Coke and about […]
Hello.
This is my note. This is the only place my note will ever be, because I’m too much of a coward to actually go through with this.
I’m nothing, I mean nothing to myself. I would really rather disappear into nothing. Scatter myself into a thousand and one atoms, floating peacefully in space. Instead I’m stuck here, in this colourless hell. The only person i can talk to won’t listen, I can’t tell her anyway. I love her too much to let her bear this.
Anyway, my name is Sian. I’m nearly sixteen, I have blonde hair and brown eyes. I’m a dancer, that’s how I define […]
Life sucks and I’m going crazy!!Â
Why not try some drugs?I’m already destroyed,anyway.
I feel sick all the time. From drinking problem to cocaine to meth back to full-blown alcoholism, then it was pills and painkillers and benzodiazepines and now I’ve finally graduated to heroin addict. As l look down at my hands, swollen and shaky and an odd color of purplish-grey…. I don’t know how I got here. I’m only 22 and I need 12-13 hours of sleep per day and so much therapy and alllll my spare time spent in waiting rooms for drs offices and hospitals…. I’m so so sick and I wonder if life would just be easier if I was gone. I no […]
Domestic relations picked up my dad today, he hasn’t payed child support in 6 months. I love my dad even though he picked drugs over me and my family. Now he’s supposedly “clean” I don’t believe it but whatever. My mom hates my dad. The bench warrant guy told my mom if he doesn’t pay child support by august 1st he will have to see the judge. I hope this happens, he will be put in jail. Right now in Pennsylvania he has seven warrants for his arrest. he would be so much safer in jail then out here. If he gets put away it will take so […]
My big brother is one of my “newest friends” we never really got along but last fall it all changed. My mom knew i would always cut, then one day she told my brother about the marks on my arms(there pretty big, i like to burn the skin and cut it out) when my mom told me i didnt know what to think, i wrote a long note of how i would stay up at night to see him and make sure he got home safely, he always got in trouble with […]