This is me by the way.
Alright, well my names Michaela.
And I am 18 years old.
I just got out of the hospital on Monday for my depression and suicidal ideations.
I have been begging and pleading for a specific persons help for a long time so i wont have the feeling and urge to kill myself.
But he has been treating me like shit, putting me on the side and making me feel worthless.
I have had it.
He was the only thing […]
I just cut again the other day. It was 2 on my my palm. It`s funny because i told my friends Kiana and Reina, and they became angry and slapped my arm. They hadn`t cut yet since the butterflies and i did so they were mad at me. The reason i say it`s funny is because while they were mad at me the only thing i could do was laugh and tell them that i learned something new. When they asked what i giggled softly and tolf them that scissors suck……… and that`s all i could think about. I don`t even remember what i had […]
My deal is odd, even I see this. I am not angry or sad nor do I hate anyone or have anything to blame of anyone. I am simply bored with life or tired of it, I find my self excited over the thought of finishing the final chapter in life however I do understand once I am gone; My wife will be heart broken as will the rest of my family so when this happens I need to make sure they are taken care of (financially) which may bring them a sense of relief and make the mourning process more bearable. My […]
I have felt little to no emotion as of late. I am confused. Possibly insane. Nothing in this world, nothing, I cannot understand. Try as I might, I cannot figure out my way out of my corner. The maze in my head. This is my DARK ABYSS. I guess. Shannon being dead couldn’t be registered emotionally, I could feel no emotions. If this is numbness, then holy shit thats awesome since I feel absolutely nothing anymore. It makes me so confused though.
Where the hell am I. My flashlight left me. Flashlight where’d you go. It’s dark and lonely. (Just a random thought in my head.)
Well, […]
I Feel Numb. My aunt Sue is in the hospital, she’s getting a surgery that should hopefully remove her breast cancer. When MaSue told me all I could do was sit there speechless thinking “this can’t be happening to another aunt.†But somehow I’m more at peace with the fact that she has breast cancer than I am at peace with how I’m handling it. Shouldn’t I be crying? Shouldn’t I be worried? Shouldn’t I be freaking out like the rest of us? I feel empty inside; heartless. Maybe it’s because death is more comforting to me than the living, either way I feel horrible for being emotionless and I hate […]
I, like many other people, am a “lucky” person.
I have a great family, everything I could want and more, many friends who are supportive of me, and a good life in general.
Yet, all the while, I feel this emptiness inside me where emotions should be. Whenever I feel “happy”, it’s more close to feeling something close to happiness, almost like its shadow. If emotions were people, they would come knocking on the door of my heart, then before I can open the door and let it in, it leaves, making me feel something ALMOST like emotions.
Am I becoming heartless? Unable to feel any […]
you know its intresting.I start to think more about what if i do succede what my death will mean if it actually happens.and a little bit o topic okay ive heard a lot of people saying barbiturates are the only medication that will kill you not you.Ive overdosed a lot in the past when im not cutting or burning or drinking nasal spray.I almost died from the use of sleeping pills and lithium which i was taken off of right after.Now i find there are different types of suicide.Some people i wouldnt consider suicidal cause there just bored with life its not really emotion.Some people […]
Everything seems like a good idea when you’re drunk…
I spared little emotion for my friends. none for my family. none for all those I had seen just the night before, there’s nothing that can have you writhing on the floor like angry pain blown up by a bottle of whiskey. but that’s who I was. This was any other night. just like the one a couple months ago where my friends rescued me from the police, just like the one the other week where I had rode a flight of stairs.
A text from the ex, oh yeah that woman who had left me for another […]
suicide is
a permanent solution
to a
temporary problem.
you should ask.
i could answer
make everyone laugh.
it’d be great if
i could make you think.
make you realize that
suicide
is real.
and people feel it.
and people do it.
and rational consideration-
‘how will this affect others?’
-doesn’t come into play.
because pain is
real.
pain can make us do
stupid things
if we’re not
strong enough.
stupid things
like acting on it.
it’s an intense need to
escape
coupled with a limited understanding
of what death is
of what death can do
how it can
damage
and not solve anything at all.
it’s when you feel
powerless
to change things
hopeless
pointless
futile.
you KNOW
people will be hurt
because you did it
but
it doesn’t matter then
it doesn’t register
because
staying alive to keep them reassured-
maintaining, so they won’t have to suffer
while you do…
it’s not […]
Hello.
There are a few background things you might want to know. Firstly, I’m a clinical psychopath. This doesn’t make me a killer or a psycho, although it is generally a daily struggle to keep from being either. To me, the world is black and white; there exists, for me at least, no shades of gray. My parents have known about my condition and have actually by and large done an excellent job of raising me. I come from a privileged family and have had everything I have needed provided for me, within reason. I’ve worked to secure that which would not be provided, namely the […]
Hey to everyone here on SP. going to start by saying how much I admire the strength you all have for reaching out to a site like this. I’ve been reading for a while, but never registered. I wish i had done it a long time ago. I’m at my fourth year in college, and I suppose in retrospect of my life, it’s always been a steady emotional decline, with small spikes of good big enough to keep me from noticing the downhill, but small enough to keep me from thinking things would really improve in the long run. I ran in front of a […]
there will always be the situation you cant find the words for. the emotion you cant express. the questions that do not have the answer. things will be left unsaid, when theres so much more to say and it will never feel finished.
there are more questoins then answers in the world.-this doesnt have to be a bad thing.
I honestly have no idea how I am, who I am or what I’m doing. It’s difficult to have your whole family think you’re an attention seeker because you cut yourself and because you’re depressed and were suicidal. It hurts so much to let people you care about so much down. I hate myself more then anything ever. It’s so hard. When I say it’s so hard I hate myself more for being so weak and pathetic. I’m 16. I have grown up bullied, hit and at one point I was sexually assaulted which I very rarely talk about. I have a boyfriend now, his […]
I do not tend to be awful and immature.
Just a lot of changes becoming forth
A challenge, I may presume
I had let past and emotion get the best of me
This time, I have thought it over, now until forward into the future
I shall just focus to control my lifestyle
Apologies to your family, friends and mostly towards you
This time, I shall not let you down.
I shall try to fix what is left
but if on your behalf; if you chose, I shall stay away.
My apologies.
A friend.
P.S. If you want, I shall return some stuff back
I’m no longer daddy’s little girl. The princess of his castle. There is no wonder left, no stories of wonderful lands and castles in far away places. Just the terrifying nightmares that haunt me in my sleep. The ones of innocence taken away, the ones of betrayal. Daddy stars in my nightmare and this time he brought friends. Because I have no hope of being successful there’s only one thing I’m good for now.
I stand lost in my nightmare with pain and sadness. I see myself shatter time and time again. And then suddenly I’ve had enough i can take no more pain. I don’t want to feel anymore so I […]
I purely and thoroughly hate myself. There’s no sugar-coated layer to hide the fact of the matter.
Ever since I was a kid, clinical depression has lingered in every thought I’ve conceived. In public, I have it all: grades, musical/athletic talent, friends to fuck around with on the weekends. Reality? I’m smart, but totally unmotivated. I can answer questions in class and still not account for shit when it comes to my work. Music takes up my whole time, so what’s left for sports? I don’t want to get any unhealthier, but Jesus, my motivation spectra is as broad as the water level in the Saharra Desert. And sure, I have friends… Even that’s subjective, […]
Song I’m listening to right now.
I’ve done alot since my last post. I’m being usually creative. My friends are wowed and my parents are impressed. I’m not. It won’t matter in a few years anyway. No matter how many photos I snap or how hard I work the garden, how many times I do simple things to make my and others lives better I’m still unhappy. Even though a smile is weakly plastered on my face. I’m pushing myself to the limits before I die.
No matter if a happy event comes to me or not I will say this. That fear has […]
i just would like to put it out there, i’m not looking for someone to play a violin, anyways, i hate being calm and collective and rational about being able to take my own life, emotion breaks through the surface every now and then, but i just put a bandaid over it, which will only last for so long, soon i’ll run out. I’ve been doing this my whole life. i’ve recently started seeing a psych, and as of today my psychologist has put me on LexaPro, i know it will not make a difference, not what i am, not the […]
“Non playable character.” Or to be more accurate, an AI. An artificial intelligence, played by the game or computer itself. No personality. They’re only there to add little elements to the lives of everyone around it, perhaps to make their gaming more difficult or to allow them to open a new door. I am fully aware I just used a gaming metaphor, and now you know how much of a nerd I am. Not that I am a gamer girl or anything, the only game I’ve played in years is sims. I’m just an idiot kid out of high school with no friends, no skills, […]
This is what some people believe. When one cuts through whatever emotion one is feeling right now, it’s rooted in either love or fear.
I believe that the reason that we have come to this site is because we have let fear-based emotions rule our lives. Anger, hate, frustration, anxiety, sadness, shame, regret … these feelings are all fundamentally driven by fear. In my case, I’m angry at myself. I hate my work situation. I feel great shame in being a burden on so many people. I’m frustrated by my relationship. I regret not having the balls to be true to myself – this lack of […]
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