i cut. not too much. i wasnt gonna do as much as i did. but its not too much i dont think. it doesnt seem so bad to me really. well ill just post a few pctures of it. so yeah thats it. i find them to be beautiful. please dont judge me.
Tag:
Emotions
i just have to. i cant not do it any longer. im going to cut. once again. the last time i cut was in early october. that was a really long time ago. at least it seems to me like it has been forever. every night i think about it. and i am CRAVING to do it. last night before i was going to sleep i was going to do it. but it was too close to the time my brother and mom wake up and i cant risk getting caught. my mom already wants me to do some psychiatric thing. i dont want to […]
i feel so depressed. especially because im at home. i dont have the one person i wish was with me. i saw her today(my best friend that is). my parents wanted me to go to the store with them, but this morning i told my mom i dont wanna go anywhere. and when they left i went right to her house. but i feel sooo bad for what did. i enable her. soo much. and i hate it. she is an addict. even though its hard for me to say that and it breaks my heart to know that. its true though. and i am […]
a combination of happiness and suffering
and smiling and crying
it is a journey God picked
for us to travel and see
who made it to heaven or hell.
I dont think thats fair though.
how do we know where we end up?
Does it even really matter??
We all die eventually.
We are eternally asleep when
we die.
So, no, it doesnt really matter.
Our souls will go across the universe.
Nothing will be destroyed when i
Die.
I dont even believe many people will remember me at all.
So why does all this matter so much?
There have been things on my mind that i just cannot
stop thinking of.
And i dont think those things have answers or
explanations.
I don’t really feel my emotions any more. I know that they’re there, but my mind just doesn’t seem to process them the way that it should. For example, when I watch the news, and there’s a story about somebody that was murdered, I realise that I should feel something. I should feel anger toward the person that commited the murder. I should feel pity for the victim and his/her loved ones. But I don’t feel anything. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if I’m hanging out with friends, if something happens that makes everyone laugh, I am always the last to join in, […]
the only time I feel calm without the influence of drugs, is here. Fuck, what’s wrong with me? :s
I think about dying, and now, what holds me back is that I won’t get to swim in the sadness that I’ll cause with my death. I won’t be able to lick the tears of my loved ones as they wonder why they didn’t notice my derangement sooner. I wanna be like huck finn, fake my death and attend my funeral. The only happiness I have is others misfortune and oh golly would I love to feed off the negative energy that would be radiating from my […]
ppl its been so long since iv actually written something.
nothing has really changed in my life except dat it gets worse and i keep on sinking deeper and deeper into this dark hole, im so tired of all these emotions. Iv been going to church alot lately but when i get home i go back to the same old darkness and neverending pain. i cant stand this pain no more. i have nothing left to lose and its not like anyone really cares or truly loves me and it will be best if i just left dis world.
i thought it will get better with time […]
the thought of falling asleep forever comforts my body. i despise to live and go to school with these emotions building upon me. my mother left two years ago and my boyfriend broke up with me last night. its come down to the last straw and i want to surrender to god. i want to give up myself and be gone. im 15 years old and im to scared to have to face life. people say “lifes hard” and i dont want to have to live through anything hard anymore. im scared of the future. im scared to have to get up in the mornings. […]
So my brother threatened me again today. He bullies me all day and today he threatened that he will hit me.
I know this is not as bad as other peoples issues but this is my life and i can’t stand much more of his abuse.
My mum pretends that nothing is going on. I have already started cutting again within 24hours of seeing him. I promised i would stop. But i just can’t keep that promise when he is around.
And you know what the sad thing is….. tonights spat was set off by the slightest thing. The internet.
I hope he does hit me, just so i […]
it all started in 6th grade. i was bullied, my grandpa died, and other stupid stuff. im now in 8th grade, and i have strongly considered suicide around 11 times. couldnt God give me a break?!!?!?!? im only 14!!!!!!!!!! when your heart just feels so overwhelmed that you cant bare it any longer. i put a smile on my face everyday at school. thats just not something you want people to go around knowing. i got two really close friends. i just always felt guilty, them thinking they knew me, but they didn’t at all. they thought i was always happy and bubbly. guilt built up inside […]
Well I talked with my ex today, a very heavy conversation… one that (sadly) but also good i guess if the ideal situation is achieved after this point, saved me from myself today. While I didn’t really push or care what her response was, she randomly threw me a bone, the very chance I wished came a lot earlier. Minimal contact for 2 months, and at the end, we will reconvene with different perspectives on where to go from there, i am feeling this is a 50/50 chance right now that it does come with the results i wish. While I am also hating that […]
I hate humans/humanity, society, and this real world, it’s all meaningless. I’m a misanthrope.
by niki
written by niki
It is sad that now I don’t feel like I’m a “human” anymore, or want to be associated with a being called “human”. I mostly hate humanity nowadays, and have become a Misanthrope, and disillusioned as well with this so-called “real world”. it sucks, and Humanity, though I used to believe it has so much hidden potentials, yet now I unfortunately can’t help but feeling Humanity is largely hopeless: we’re destroying our own Planet, animals, and even killing our fellow species over some stupid, close-minded, most ignorant & selfish, senseless reasons..
Can anybody here relate?…what to do then?…
Here’s a complete and detailed ‘rant’ of mine, if […]
7pm on Jan 2, 2012.
I’m alone, in my room – lights off. Just me, and the music I’m listening to. This is the first time I’ve felt.. alone in a long time. I thought I had gotten use to the feeling. But no, apparently not. My Grandpa is in his room – right across the hall.. yet it feels like miles between us. I’m scared. Of my mind; the thoughts swirling around in the chaos.
To be honest, my life isn’t horrid.
I’ve thought about killing myself multiple times. I cut – but nothing serious. I don’t know if I want to die.. or just […]
There’s this funny little contraption in my chest.
Right here, on the right side of my body below my neck. I can feel it pumping blood through me, beating life into my veins, but that’s all I need to FEEL.
It’s called a heart.
I’ve never understood how this thing works. It’s just a part in my body, it doesn’t have a mind of it’s own, it’s not its own seperate entity, and yet It makes me feel emotions that I shouldn’t have to ever feel.
WHY???
Take love for instance. When your in love with someone your heart knows it. It swells with this creation of a thing I like to […]
Help! I feel trapped in this human body & physical world existence/limitation, is there a way to escape out from it?
by niki
written by niki
I often feel like I can’t relate to this material, physical earthly world anymore, and the majority of people here on this planet earth.
I often feel like there must be something MORE than this limited existence of our human body,
or I’m afraid if it’s all my human’s “creative” wishful-thinking and made-up escapism feeling/story..
does my human brain playing all these tricks on me, or it is really REAL: that there are indeed something much MORE that I can access/connect/tap into?..but I just need to find HOW to do it?..
Tell me please: is there really something MORE that I can do and ‘ascend/transcend’ in […]
i try to control my emotions but i just had to lash out at dad and mum.
1. What is your job?
or what do you study?
2. Do you like it? or hate it? or fucking hate it, but have little to no choice?
3. And is you’re feeling suicidal also related with your job/working life?
perhaps feeling meaningless, and hate life?
4. Last but not least, why don’t you pursue your dreams, or your dream-job, or what makes you happy?
What makes you hesitate?
thanks.
Humans, humanity, and this (earthly) world/life is not/never a perfect place..
sometimes it even can be ‘blamed’ because of our human’s hard-wired Nature. ie: the way we’re ‘created’.
A famous atheist literature Christopher Hitchens who just passed away ironically few days before Christmas, he said this: “Evolution has meant that our prefrontal lobes are too small, our adrenal glands are too big, and our reproductive organs apparently designed by committee; a recipe which, alone or in combination, is very certain to lead to some unhappiness and disorder.”
think about that, really…and this is even still just ONE factor (ie: I’m still not talking about other ‘imperfections’ nature […]
Forgive yourself & other humans,..because this *earthly* life is not perfect…and we’re all only humans…we made mistakes.
and besides, we all live only ONCE in this earthly life, so that’s why many people made mistakes in their life, because you can’t simply turn back time and repeat life..
So forgive yourself (& others), free yourself from all the restricting guilts,
keep learning,
and keep doing the Best & worthwhile while you’re still given a chance to exist and alive here in this physical world…
so i have not talked about myself really. and i guess i will now, since im really bored right now. my name is Gabby. im 16, gonna be 17 in april. i live by chicago. i moved here from lithuania when i was 9. i wouldnt want to live in any other counry, but i would really wanna live in either San Francisco or Las Vegas. ive never been to either of those places but they seem very unique. my favorite color is pink. i love art. i watch a ton of movies all the time. im still a sophmore. i have strong beliefs in human rights. […]