Yeah, I’ve been feeling that way lately. I’m afraid of getting kicked out of the place I just moved in to. Reasons? I know I’m renting from a neat freak and I’m not really filthy but I don’t have the energy to keep it looking like Merry Maids are on call either. I did something dumb that made a mess and now a rug needs washed, and I don’t have the energy to spend 4 hours after work on the slow washer & dryer in the basement. I feel like I shouldn’t be doing stupid shit like that and somehow, even though most […]
Tag:
energy
Why do I feel nothing?
I just can’t find the energy or motivation for anything anymore, not even to cut.
so I fucked up my AS levels pretty bad, can find and reason to carry on my A2 courses. Who the hell picks physics, 3D product design and maths anyway? ( plus I’m female so literally all guys in my classes) I wont be happy with my body till its just skin and bones, and since I’m naturally short and stout that wont happen. don’t want to be pathetic but I literally feel nothing for anyone even though I crave physical contact ( major mummy and daddy issues ) have no career prospects as literally nothing but my morning fag will get me out of […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’m so tired of being alive. But it’s like I don’t even belong in death. Like I could never deserve such a privilege. I’m stuck, in between life and death and no matter how exhausted I am, I just seem to go on like a curse inside of me. I just want to lay down, crash and never wake up. But every single morning, my eyes open and my conscious never stops murmuring words here and there. So many years have passed now but it’s all so confusing to me, cause my memories are all a blurry haze and I keep forgetting to dislike the […]
Anyone else feel guilt knowing what you’re going to do to others? Of course most people aren’t backed into a corner like I am… but it’s hitting me a little bit here and a little bit there.
One of my bosses had a friend die yesterday. With my death coming soon, I feel bad for inevitably making her cry.
For everyone at my jobs, for letting them down, being such a disappointment and a waste of time, money, energy, training and resources. I’m sorry I can’t go on being homeless.
My kid. Yes, I have one out there who will be 17 next month. It’s her decision after […]
I’m so tired of being me, of being myself and not being able to get away from this monster. I want to change everything about myself, i want to become a new person, a better person. But no matter how hard i try everything gets ruined again, and i have no energy left to try anymore. I just want to end everything but i know i cant and that makes things so much harder. I just wanted to get that out somewhere as i have no one to tell… I’m so ready to give up.
I’ve never wanted to kill myself more in my life.
I just feel like a giant roadblock in everyone’s way. My stress is tearing my body apart and we can’t afford insurance for medical care so that’s just another burden on my family. I feel like a waste of life and space and money and energy. I want to disappear. Run away. Die.
Just be out of the lives and out of the way of the ones I love.
After all, they’re going places and I’m not. I’m just dead weight.
Well, I finally got it. I received financial aid and I can go to school now. I felt happy for a few hours, but then I started thinking again. Thinking about what I actually want to do with my life and the truth is I don’t want to do anything with my life. So why go to school? I actually love school because I can learn new things and not think about my pathetic life, but what’s the point. I don’t want to be here anymore. Why should I go to school and pay thousands of dollars to get a big paying job when all […]
Just that moment when you realize that you’ll never make it.
I’ve tried to move forward, socialized, made friends, set goals. And I’ve just discovered that no matter how badly I try, I won’t get there. I won’t finish in the top university, I won’t get into shape, I won’t be beautiful. This never actually would bother me, but I think that I’m envious of my friends dating – just knowing that no girl or guy would ever look at me and thing ‘that’s somebody I could love’.
I know I’ve felt like the world was ending before. But I feel like my whole life has been […]
To those who got a harsh day tday, i jus ran out of energy tday so i did nth, no hurting myslf, humans need sm rest i guess, suiciding got bored..?
i hope all of u are still fine frm a day like that, momentarily, of course i still do wish nth bad happen later
goodnight.
(well, jus enjoy one or only one good night for the coming suffocating day..)
I’m a failure. There are so many things happening right now. My mother works so hard to put food on the table while fighting depression and a damn father who doesn’t give any money to help. And even with all this situation, I don’t know if I’ll be able to graduate because I’m so fucking stupid and lazy and weak. I’m just so fucking tired all the time and my cousin will get into a great college because she is working so hard and I’m just a damn lazy ass. I don’t study or really work for anything and I’m so tired of being a […]
I won’t bore you with a backstory. But it’s not good – abuse, death etc. etc. Back in November I fell in love with this girl. I’d been in long and serious relationships before but this was a very different feeling. After things went, for want of a better word, tits up I gave up on the idea. When I found out it wouldn’t work I got severely depressed. It also sparked OCD, insomnia and anxiety. I felt a little better one day and developed a relationship with someone else however my feelings for her faded and the feelings for the first girl came back […]
I go running everyday, lift weights, and try and eat healthy because from what I’ve experienced nobody likes a fat fuck. Healthy body healthy mind I suppose. Effexor day 1 so good so far, noticed a slight increase in motivation and energy, could be a placebo effect I’m not sure but I definitely feel more content. The next few days are gonna suck balls thought ’cause no boooooooze :(. Glad I got benzos to help me get to sleep from this fucking stupid ass withdrawal.
Starting in January, I began experiencing what I call “sinking spells.” What happens is I suddenly loose all energy, like a tire going flat or a balloon suddenly deflating. I have to lay down and sometimes sleep for a couple of hours. I’ve checked my blood pressure when these attacks occur and it’s a bit low. When I awaken, it’s good. My cardiologist has suggested having a defibrillator implanted in case my heart suddenly stops. That’s just NOT gonna happen.
Yesterday evening, around 11pm, it happened again. I wasn’t sleepy when this happened…..insomnia…..well I quickly passed out in bed (not the same thing as drifting off […]
I pick up my day as the weight I know mine
And push through the clouds again, time within time.
I see you beside me, lain flat at my step
You offer your wings up one day to the next.
Your eyes, blue like diamonds, through darkness they shine
Promising rest in a world that’s all mine.
Day after day I walk past, and yet
That moment I pass is the one I regret.
When darkness descends, I know you’re in tow
Watching and waiting for me to let go.
When finally I tire, my energy ‘plete
There find our eyes; once finally meet.
Lost […]
I haven’t been posting much lately because I have too much to rant about and nobody needs to hear that shit. So.. have some ramblings.
im living on a grain of sand. If i make the wrong move, I’ll fall off. It’s so desolate and dry. I just want to turn it into a pearl. I need to break. I need to collapse and break things. I need to scream and put my fist through a wall. On the inside, i’m losing control, but they still seem to think i have my life together. In their eyes, im confident. In their eyes, I’m strong and focused. […]
I can’t sleep until like one o’clock anymore because I don’t know. I just stay up at night with all of this energy and I feel like I need to go fight somebody or run a few miles. I can’t though. I have to stay at home and try and sleep. It happens during the day too, I’ll just feel cooped up and I have to do something, anything at all to get rid of the energy. I’ve literally never had problems like this before and now it won’t stop. I get angry for no reason and I start to freak out and all sorts […]
He was feeling sad today cause of a family problem, I tried my best to make him feel better, I tried to let him know that I was feeling worried about my life too, college and stuff. And I was just starting to tell him, when he started to talk about his problem and I completely forgot about myself, so I can focused on him and try to make him feel better and not sad. And tried and tried my best, and he never let me in, he tells me “I love you” and I take it, but it feels like a lie, why. He […]
Im done. Im finished. Theres nothing left more me. No more energy, no more strength and no more will power. Through the most stupid shit my life ended. Im a shell. Im dead inside. Im sick of feeling like this. I don’t possess the balls to off myself, all I can do is pray that someone kills me. Its not hard and I won’t be missed. Fuck heaven and fuck hell. I just want my pathetic blip to be wiped out. Fuck it im done!