I’ve struggled my whole life with depression and for a very very long time I’ve been convinced that suicide is by far the most likely way that I will die. I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve done everything right. I’m doing the drug/therapy thing, I quit drinking, and I exercise regularly. Unfortunately none of these can stop the heart crushing loneliness that I feel so often. I hate my job, I’m broke, and I have no real friends around here, but those aren’t the main reasons I think I’m going to kill myself soon. Ever since getting treatment for depression I’d have short periods […]
Tag:
enough
I can’t wait until the day i return to nonexistence. I hate the world, I hate what humans have done to the world. They destroyed it like they do everything else. I look at just about everyone with disdain. I have nothing to live for, no kids, pets, hopes or dreams. I care about my family, but not enough to tolerate this world for them.
The only thing really stopping me is my fear or failing and ending up as a vegetable or paralyzed from the neck down. I’m trying to convince my mother to buy a shotgun so I can eradicate the possibility or either […]
Is anyone on here from Australia? Or is it just me? I feel so disconnected. Everything I find is in America…
I decided to colour my hair the other day, to try to get me out of this funk I’m in. It’s worked before. I’m naturally blonde, so you can imagine all the jokes I copped at school. I usually dye my hair black. It’s longer now, since I can’t afford a haircut, so it’s growing out. So I bleached it…
You can imagine the outcome… yellow ends, orange middle & white roots. My best friend (whom i live with) stared at me in horror & […]
Feeling overwhelmed, meds are working perhaps but not really. I don’t believe in meds, I’ll take em so i feel like I’m doing something but moving has helped. I’m in my own place now. nervous at the cost, nervous at the waste of space that it is to be in a one bedroom or for me to exist. Anxious that i will fail, always on the verge, always begging for death to pre-empt that so that folks can smile and admire how hard i worked and not how hard i fell. Nerves getting the best of me. I can’t focus, don’t want to focus. I’m […]
God, Please help me! I want to leave this life and its hardships and burdens. I have planned and stopped many times and think about killing myself every day. I wrote my notes and instructions yesterday. Today I am trying to have new hope and do something to not give in to the end of me. I am 68 years old and extremely depressed, financially bereft and hate my life. I do not want to hurt my children and siblings, but life is so hopeless. I feel humiliated and worthless. I cannot find work and my husband will not help. We lost our home and […]
I can’t wait for the apocalypse. Maybe it will be Ebola, or Russia vs. The West or North Korea will finally build its first working ICBM. Maybe all of these will happen at the same time.
Then all I need is enough sertraline to make sure I still feel nothing while I sit back and watch the world burn.
I am so very lonely..and tired. I lost the love of my life seven years ago….we had been married for nine years. He died suddenly of a heart attack and I was the one who found him dead. I can’t explain how much I loved this man and how him dying at 39 yrs old almost killed me too. I had been disabled a few years before he died, I have spinal and brain tumors, and the surgeries not only disabled me, but caused me so much pain in the aftermath, that I lost my job as a trauma nurse because […]
Why is it that society believes that the boys & girls with scars on their wrists are lower than the girls who wear tank tops & have perfect hair? Where ever morning instead of putting makeup on they paint a smile in sharpie? Not every child gets the advantage to have the perfect family , an I love you every morning or a little note from mommy in their lunch boxes. Society lives off of pain , standards are higher than gas prices . Everyday another boy or girl kills themselves or self harms. We got peeople yelling for help? But society labels them as […]
Honestly, was anything I ever said or did good enough? Am I just someone you knew now? Is it because I wasn’t going to coddle you and baby you whenever you had a boo boo? Grow the fuck up. I’m not your mother.
What do you have to do nowadays to get people to stay by your side? Nothing I suppose. Because no one will stay by your side. You reach out for help and people spit on your hand.
All my friends, all my trusted companions, gone now because I obviously wasn’t their ideal person to associate with. The trust circle I have contains 2 people. […]
People always like to think they know how I feel, or how people like me feel, when they’re all just so far from the truth. All these feelings of worthlessness self hate, and loneliness have taken they’re toll, and reduced me to a shadow of whatever it is I was – I don’t even remember what happiness felt like, it’s just numbness where it should be.
Why do parents have to be so stuck in their ways? I promised myself I’d never make the same mistakes if I ever have kids. Never ever lay a hand on them, let alone a fist. If there’s one thing […]
i haven’t been posting much lately because it is always the same old shit. i take 6 medications to try to make me feel better. i was recently put in my place by my shrink who sees 24 nut jobs like me a day. 20 minute appts only. money wise it comes out to $800 an hour-nice scam . i finally got it through my thick skull that the less i say the easier the appts will be. just give me my scripts and send me on my way. i can write with impunity now knowing that no one has the time to read these […]
I work, I study, I read, I listen to music, I paint, I talk, I meet friends, I ride my bike, I go on a walk, I drive around in a car, I go to the cinema, I drink, I smoke, I write. But I am never nearly busy enough not to think about you.
I think i reached a point where i know and feel worthless to everyone around me and to myself. whats the point of life anyways? if there is something after death, heck i ve had enough. I would like to take that little voyage.
any ideas how to end this while sleep ?
My Dearest Collin
In the time that has passed since your death, I have struggled with why you did it…why you killed yourself. You had no mental illness. You didn’t struggle with depression. You had no previous attempts or cries for help. You had a loving girlfriend that wanted to marry you. You had a good job, good friends…a family that loved you. So you had received several speeding tickets and lost your license. So you got caught driving on a suspended license and extended the suspension of your driving priveledges. So, you drove your inebriated friend home from the bar because he was in no shape […]
Since Afternoon, been reading every single story which has been posted here in the last 5 days, resisted the urge to reply everytime. What moral authority did I have anyway, since I was too one of those who’d go to any limits to get rid of the pain. But we choose that only when we are alone, not when someone tells us that they do care. Which is what made me feel better, irrespective of them being total strangers, who haven’t invested shit in you, they still hear you out, offer advice to cope up with whatever you’re suffering from, keeping aside their own painful […]
Two month going strong. To months I had enough strengt in me that i could actually feel, but it was slowly deteriorating with every little thing that happened it took a little bit of stength away till i finally hit my breaking point. The point where all the pain caused me to go numb. I needed to feel something. Love wasnt gonna happen happiness was a long way away sadness has been around to much and decided to go on vacation. Even my good friend fear wasn’t around. My best bet was pain. As i sit in a room only dimly lit only by the […]
*poof*
i cant help but feel that no matter what i do what pills i take who i talk to it, its never gonna be good enough. suicidal thoughts will not go away, the only thing that makes them dissapear for a minute is self harm, i hope other people understand but nobody i know gets it.
I am very ashamed of myself. No, my life isn’t filled with constant despair, and I haven’t lost anyone important to me. Nothing that bad actually happened to me. Still, I really want to disappear.
My friends are much more distant than they were before, and I can’t actually mantain a stable relationship between me and my parents. I feel like there’s a hole where it should be my heart, and the only thing that makes me feel better is reading. If I talk to anyone, they’ll probably tell me to stop complaining, and that my life is much better than I think.
I feel like I’m […]
I want to die.
My blades aren’t enough. Alcohol isn’t enough. Any sort of pain isn’t enough. I just want to drop off the earth forever.
I’m done with trying, I don’t want to ‘wait’ for things to get better. Everything is just way too much, the anxiety attacks, the stress, the schizophrenia is becoming way too vivid. Sleepless nights with endless sad thoughts are what my life has become. The worst part is, I am only 15. This shouldn’t be happening. Why is this happening? I feel as I’m choking on the air I breathe. It won’t go away.
I’ve tried to kill myself many times before. […]