I’ve been getting better. But I just have this feeling that I won’t be here for much longer. I acknowledge the gifts I have but I could never imagine a future where I’d be able to share them with anyone.I can’t shake this feeling,its like I’m dying bit by bit. I can’t even imagine the pain that my family woulf be in if I killed myself,its as if it doesn’t matter to me anymore.I don’t think anyone will be surprised when it happens. I’m scared because I’m not even sad about it,this unsettling acceptance of death. I wish I could see what […]
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When you come to think of those hard times you’ve been through you would think that you wouldn’t want it to happen again. Even though i have a boyfriend I know that i can’t lean on him when i’m upset or depressed because whats the point in bringing him down as well as myself… there is no point just because i have a fucked up life doesn’t mean i should fuck up anyone else’s and even though it pains me to write on here expressing my feelings i know that others have been feeling the same way as i have been and still am. Don’t […]
I told them I wanted to leave. It didn’t have to be far away, just away from here.
I need help and I know it. They know it. Everyone seems to know it.
I can’t get help while being here.
I’m becoming a monster. Aggressive, verbally abusive to others, physically abusive towards myself. I’ve just about given up on myself. And all anyone cares about is that fact that if I leave, it’s like I’m abandoning them. THEM!
Like, aren’t they abandoning me by only caring about themselves? They aren’t looking out for my best interest. I could kill […]
Me, myself was a very unfortuante person because I wasn’t the most popular girl in school, however when leaving school I was the most popular girl there and everyone wanted to be like me or be dating me. Yet when I was wishing to be like the popular kids I didnt realise how much they hated it, when I started being popular I loved it but I found out that I was missing the real me, I was like what people call a *****. Yet those wasn’t my intentions, however I don’t live in regret because I don’t regret anything in my life and this […]
I’ve attempted suicide over ten times.
I’ve never been raped or lost someone close to me to death. I’ve never been homeless or starving. I’ve never run away or snuck out.
Instead, I’ve smoked and drank. I cut and I burn. I think about my death often.
I remember when my parents found out how suicidal I was. My mom laughed and then continued smoking and my step father joked about keeping me away from his tools. They never put me in a hospital, and only took me to therapy once.
They put me on a bunch of meds, […]
I’m new here. This is my first post.
I served in Afghanistan. I’ve seen some of the most evil shit imaginable. I used to carry a pack full of gear, ammunition, ordinance, etc…
Now I carry a pack full of insecurity, self doubt, self hatred, and sadness. How did I end up here? How come some men can stow their shit away and never look at it again, and others (such as myself) cannot? I’ve been nearly killed on several occasions, but I’m still here. The only things that bring me happiness are my kids, my girl, and a V Twin with wheels. I’ve become indifferent as […]
I’ve always worked at being a good person, being respectful of others etc. Some reason I just mess everything up. Everything I touch turns to shit. I don’t mean for it to be this way but I end up screwing it up anyway.
I’m to weak to deal with this grief and pain that I feel. I’m a burden to everyone around me and a pathetic excuse for a person. What’s the point in hanging on for better days when they don’t come. I have never meant to hurt anyone I was just born a loser
As I said in my pervious post, I was living with my grandparents who i seen and still see as my mother and father. Just before I started kindergarten, my biodad moved a few states away to North Carolina in 1989. I took it very hard and it was like a death to me. I only saw him once a year or so after that.
Then I started kindergarten in the fall of that year. I was scared to death and never was exposed to a lot of children before then. That same year my grandpa on my biomoms side got locked in his bathroom. It […]
Tired of hiding behind everything. Lost all motivation. Trying hard not to give up. Haven’t shed a tear today which is a change. Still tired of this bipolar suicide shit. I’m suicidal.. Now I’m not.. Now I am again.. This is one crazy planet. Wait I’ll just check with myself again I now may not be suicidal. Lol
I know no one can help me even ssri’s give me serotonin syndrome after only a few short days being on them. Which suck because the first day or two being on them is good.
God did you screw up giving life to me with a mental disease or […]
im sorry everyone for posting so much. i am trying to get help for my health issues. just know that i have my reasons. keep fighting the good fight.
Does anyone else feel like even the people you are closest to hate you the most? I feel like everyone secretly hates me and wouldn’t at all mind if I were to kill myself. Like it would be good for all of us. One less annoying person to deal with, one less person to waste your breath and opinions on. One less person to look down on. My suffering will end, it will end soon enough and everyone would be at their happiest. I just don’t think I will be able to find a purpose. It’s impossible.
Maybe life, isn’t for everyone.
its like i feel like screaming and crying and destroying everything but at the same time i just want to curl up and die silently and i want everyone to see me and care but i want to be alone and have no one even know i exist. its confusing and scary and i cant tell ANYONE my dad couldnt care less about anything to do with me and my friends dont need the added stress
I have been suicidal for as long as I remember. I’ve had 2 suicide attempts…both with pill,s both failures. I’m always in pain. I’m always sick. I hate myself. I can’t keep a job. I have no friends….
But I was doing better. I’ve been seeing a therapist for almost a year now. I’ve had my current job for almost a year. I wasn’t happy, but I was close. Until July 4th. My Grandma passed away. We all knew it was coming. She was ready. She’d had Alzheimer’s for so long. I was close to her as a little girl. I spent my childhood at […]
okay so I’m a 15 year old girl( I turn 16, in just over a week) and instead of being absolutely over whelmed with excitement for my birthday, which’ll be spent with friends and false happiness. But nonetheless right now all I’m filled with is a numbness and thoughts that are bad and time consuming.
Its not a new feeling to me considering I’ve been feeling suicidal since I was 10 ( which was the first time I tried to suffocate myself ), the feelings have never really abandoned me, and i always feel like I’m stuck with them. It didn’t help that earlier this year, […]
I really hate to burden people with my problems, but I need some serious advice on what to do.
I’ll start with the first of two things I am going to cover in this. A few weeks ago, I went to the school nurse and I got diagnosed with severe anxiety. They said that they were going to get CAMHS involved. However, I seriously think I have depression as well, as I seriously feel as though everyone would be better off without me and that I’m just a burden to everyone.
I also think about killing myself everyday, and think of various ways to do so. However, […]
No matter how soon or how much more of this year I’ll see, I really want to do one more thing. I’ll have to buy another cheap tattoo kit like the one I had before and take the risk of attempting it with the hand I don’t normally write with. But I want “I’m not human” written on my arm. I at least want it known when I die what my main problem was and that sums it up. I took a chance earlier and put my soul crushing experience on a very public forum just to vent it out that yes I am hurt, […]
Never used a website like this before but I feel like it’s the only way I can express myself without people worrying and thinking I’m crazy. I just feel so hopeless and worthless all the time. My bestfriend committed suicide in September 2009 at age 13 and in December 2014 my friend from school also committed suicide at age 15. I have attempted suicide twice, both by overdosing but failed both times. There was a time I loaded a gun and put it to my head but I couldn’t pull the trigger. I’m only 17 years old but I really just don’t feel like I […]
I don’t know what everyone on this site or blog goes through but it doesn’t deny the fact that each and every one of you is or are special. You might have cut, purge, or starve yourself today or you might even do it tonight. But guess what? That’s doesn’t change the fact that you are marvelous. Recovery is a tough road and is filled with swirls and curves and is definitely not a straight line but it’s possible regardless of what path you are on in life. You may be getting abused by others in your life but that doesn’t mean that you do […]
So just had a huge blow out with my family. My mom fired me from work and I don’t know what to do. I always feel so alone when I’m home. Like I feel kinda invisible. They don’t need me. They have my cousins. They probably wouldn’t even notice if I died. I’m just a bother. A fuck up. They would be better off with out me. Maybe I should end it all. It would make everyone happier. I mean hell all I am is a disappointment.