I’ve felt empty since my teenage years. And now I’m 24. I never felt disapointed in me, even though I’ve never been happy with myself. More like always on other people. I never have spoken out loud about these things. Vice versa I pretend to be happiest person on this earth. Always cheering people to chase their dreams, whatnot. I never felt that there would be someone that would fully understand me enough. I get always the attention I don’t enjoy to get but don’t show it. Every single night I cry myself to sleep and wake up with a such a heartache. I feel […]
The end is approaching, I can feel it. Everything is going against me, creating the only path which is right for me, suicide. By the end of this year hopefully it’ll be over and done with. Noone else is going to get the chance to disappoint me, no plans will be cancelled, no promises broken, no fake smiles aimed in my direction, my heart will ache and break no more. Just brief freedom whilst in the air and then boom. Finally dead and gone.
I wish I could go back 11 years a go and be 5 years old again. I use just to play and not have any problems and in that time if I cries the reason will be my doll is broken or I was playing and I fall down even school we use to learn how to color and cut a picture and all our friends in 5 years old were the true because they were still young and they are not wild. we use to be scared of darkness and monsters but when we grew up when you there are many things that […]
i’ve always been someone who needs to be someone to other people, you know? having lots of friends who depend on and trust me has been the thing that keeps me going and makes me appreciate myself and my life. i don’t know when exactly i ran out of energy to spend on other people. why did that happen? at some point i became insanely apathetic. i had no energy to try and take care of everyone anymore. i lost my purpose, my calling in life and people got mad at me for not caring enough. why did i become such a bad friend? now i’m […]
we decide whether to be happy in our lives or to take everything in a negative way. I learnt a very important lesson in life which is to make people all my friends and laugh with them and have fun, but never tell your secret to anyone keep your secrets for you because some people will listen to you but then they will make fun of you. if you feel you need to talk just write o a paper what is annoying you . just be happy and don’t over think and try to be positive ..
I still feel is if I’m still to young to complain or feel sorry for myself yet, I get a mixture of guilt and worry.
But, to put it simply, I believe our existence is meaningless, I feel alone, because I am, but that’s not really necessarily true.
I have some family like a mom and errr- dad, but I’ve never viewed them as companions.
I feel alone, no one can understand me, apparently. I wish my ‘depression’ was very simplistic, but it’s because of a fact that can’t be changed.
I just have no one. Iv’e cried lots till I can’t even if I tried.
I always dream of […]
Running fingers repetitively over scars, hyperventilating.
“No worries. Just breathe. Everything will be okay. It’s okay. Relax and breathe. You’ll be alright.”
“Find a corner. Corners are good. Yeah. Corners are good.”
“It’s okey doke. Things will be okey doke. No worries. It’ll be okay. Breathe breathe breathe. “
I’m running late
The meaning of life is fading away
The thoughts of suicide is overwhelming
I’m dead i just forgot to stop breathing
I’m drowning in my own thoughts
I’m an empty shell, I’ve lost my soul
everything is going away
everything is taking away
I’m loosing it all
I’m starting to fall
Who can be my savior
Oh wait i’m already lost
y.t
I hate myself. I hate my mind. I hate how it warps my sources of happiness into sources of anguish. All of the people and passions that made life worth living now make life unbearable. I can’t trust anyone, not because I’ve been hurt, but because I am paranoid and afraid. I don’t want to disappoint them or make them hate me. Because my mind is so twisted, I will take their most minute actions and scrutinize them…fabricate reasons why they might hate and despise me. I tell myself my family only stays with me out of pity. I tell myself that former friends are […]
Right now my life feels like I’m window shopping. I look in the glass with my family in it and I feel alone. I see my sister my mom and dad all having a great time, going out to dinners, shopping, football games. And I’m standing at the window usually high, drunk, or sleeping. I walk past the window of my school and I see other students striving with their plans, about to graduate. As for me I’m staring through the window considering dropping out, I can’t even wake up in the morning to get myself to school. I look in the window of my […]
I try. I try to do everything. I try to keep you happy. I try to really hard to keep you from getting upset. I try to get everything done. I try to finish what I start. I try to make you happy.
I try to be a good mom. I try not to give too much advice or leeway, but it seems I just cant find the right balance.
I try to be there for you when you need someone. I try to make myself available to you for just about everything. I try to make sure your always comfortable. I try to keep […]
One day I’ll have to do it. It’s a fact at this point. The pain has gone on for so long and worsens every day. It feels so hollow and nothing fills the void.
I don’t recall what it feels like to really be happy. Only that I once was a long time ago. It’s so exhausting trying to force everything every day. It’s not my fault. I didn’t ask for this.
There’s something tearing away inside me and I can feel it starting to take over after all these years of fighting it.
One day I’ll have to stop it the only way I know how. The […]
finally my death comes, my breathing is really bad again…
these are my last word in this site… I need to write something for my family too, I want to thank them for everything… bye…
thanks everyone…
My Name Is: Inuk ***** goodbye…
Let me tell you a True story.A story of a Childs dreams and how he ended up being the very thing he hates.Dont worry about his name.
Many years ago there was once a child,a boy.The boy was a very happy,and cheerful,and hyper.He loved going to his cousins house to play,he loved going outside,and he loved to be around other people.This child started off just like any other…pure.He had dreams of being a soldier,of being a firefighter,and of being a Hero.more than anything the boy wanted to be someone who helped others.He wanted to help the poor be happy,he wanted to give those who had nothing,everything.Unfortunately […]
I love yur smile yur eyes the fact yu think yur hair is blonde yur jaw line Yur muscles yur body yur teeth yur funny af yu don’t care abt people that don’t matter yu care for the ones close to yu that yu love I love how sometimes yu stand lik a ****** I love yur voice cuz I’ve never hear anyone even slightly similar to yu :3 I love yur huge head I love the way yu wrap yur arms around me and don’t let me go even when it pisses me off I love how yur so different I can learn something […]
I use to be a funny girl who loves to live and enjoy everything in life and to try new things but due to a love relationship , every thing had changed … I tried to suicide but I didn’t die and I’m thinking to suicide again because I feel too much pressure on me and no one can understand me . I know this my effect my parents but I can’t stay like this dying every day. I am crying every day since 3 months in my room … but I smile in front of my friends and family because I don’t like […]
I’ve never really liked going away from home. I used to be okay with it though. These past couple of years everything has changed. It started off with being unable to leave for a week. Then two nights. Then one. Now, even a full day trip causes anxiety. I’ve determined it’s not that I’m attached to anyone at my home, it’s my home itself. I am, however, going to college in 2 years. I’m scared as fuck. I’m really smart, and I have the grades to go anywhere. I’m afraid that my emotional problems will hold me back, leaving me unable to go anywhere but […]
Its been approximately a year since I’ve posted .In that time I’ve had alot of time to think and reflect.I’ve discovered alot about myself.as all of.you dont know I despise myself.I hate myself.I look in the mirror everyday and hate what I see.im only ever good for hurting other people.thinking back to when everything first began for me I already knew that all thats happened to me up until now was gonna happen.you see everyone follows their own paths in life.some not always good.you decide what path,journey,what road you will walk.me?I chose this path knowing that I’d end up alone.I knew that I’d come to […]
I really wish I was never born.. nothing I do is worth anything. I cant make anyone hapoy and everything and everyone I come in contact with turns to shit. I just want it all to end. Realisticly it would be better for everyone in my pathetic life.. I just cant deal with the disappointment I cause everyone. My wife and kids would do better without me……
i felt hate towards everything. then i got mad at God. now i am just sad. I wont slip into despair this time. i just really wish i could cry. i have not shed a tear in years. i have wept with joy. i remember feeling that happy. i feel the urge, but tears wont come. meh…..