Life is just luck of the draw
I wish I was luckier. Life has been going down hill for such a long time, and honestly I’m not sure I can endure.
I’m growing so tired, even my health is declining. I feel so sick, and I’m only 18
Life doesn’t seem to hopeful, and its not just because I’m young,
everything in this world is controlled by might, by power, and I, have no power
Sure, everything is in the mind, illusion and manipulation, but honestly I’m so tired
This world is full of the mindless, the uncaring and ignorant
So many horrible things are […]
Tag:
Existence
everyone makes suicide jokes around me
they make fun of cutters
they make fun of the disease that plagues my very existence.
does no one feel sympathy for mental illness in this world? just because its not directly killing me, no one gives a fuck.
People see my scars and smirk and whisper to one another. i wear black one day and instantly, im emo. i give up. i think im going to “trip” infront of a speeding SUV tomorrow.
I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to read this post.
My whole life, I have felt two things: loneliness and the hatred towards myself.
Why do I hate myself?
I am not smart. I am not good looking. I am not talented in anything at all.
I really am useless.
I have classmates telling me, I can’t do anything right; leaving me out of the social life. No matter how hard I tried to fit in, I end up seeing pitch black of nothing, my existence shouldn’t exist in the first place.
I have read a numerous amount of quotes motivating me to never give up, […]
I posted a while back explaining a lot of what has been happening that has driven me back into a depression i had finally escaped last summer. I’ve been trying to figure out who i am to see if maybe i can convince myself that i actually deserve this life i’ve been given. But i honestly don’t know who i am, and i don’t think i ever did. I put a mask on when i was young so no one would see that i was slowly dying inside, and i lost whoever i was to this mask. I feel almost no emotions anymore, i force […]
For awhile now I’ve been “Ready to die” so to speak… I haven’t been able to think of a full proof way to end it yet but my mind is constantly thinking of new options, none of which will actually work. I have 2 in mind, but they are both extremely difficult to achieve, and 1 of them doesn’t have a very high probability of success.
I don’t think my depression is curable and ending it would be a permanent solution to a permanent problem. I can’t suffer the humiliation, shame, regret, loneliness, pain, and sadness any longer. I feel as if my very existence is […]
Why must we suffer? And why does it seem like it’s all in vain? I am beginning to think that my own suffering is surely in vain; it doesn’t make me a stronger person or build my character, or give me any new insight. Â It simply sucks the life from me like a parasite. If I knew somehow that I had a future, a real chance, perhaps I could push through.
I wonder how many of us would be able to make it through if we just had something (or someone) to validate our existence on this earth–– to just validate our suffering, and to tell […]
This post probably will have little to none importance and I shouldn’t go through with what I will but I am coward and a loser. There’s hasn’t been much failures in my life until now and when I usually set my mind to do something I do it. You know, like a challenge you assign yourself and you are determined to accomplish i by whatever means.
24 of age currently. I’ve lived a normal life I like to think but in reality it’s not. Honestly comparing to some other posts I’ve read in the past few days mine doesn’t come as close for a reason to […]
I’m 24 years old and have been depressed since i was six. I was raised in a family where i could never be good enough no matter how hard i tried. I was always compared to my older sister because she did well in school, and was grounded pretty much from first grade till high school. I have tried to commit suicide several times, usually with something going wrong (or right according to some people). In high school i started cutting myself to deal with my depression as it became worse. When i went off to college i met this girl who was popular and […]
Its happening again. can someone help me. I feel that peak, that moment approaching again. but this time the decision has already been made. I wont be brought to that point again and not go through with it. I will ignore any signals this time because those signals will be like the ones from b4- a fake illusions to buy time for right now. Im very sad…very dark…i dont want nothing but a solution as to how to do this quietly and quickly. I want to plan it properly. Start a fight or some reason for me to be gone for a few days, I […]
I dont want to live anymore. So much has happened in my life, so many things most people never have to deal with. Its one reason why people can’t relate to me. I see these people everyday who have great lives, families who are taken from this world. Yet people like me, who are so miserable are forced to continue our existence. I cant even talk to my own husband. He left a couple weeks ago, and now he doesnt love me, or care. I dont know what happened. And I have no one else. I made my work, school and family my life. Then he […]
I live a life, yet I feel like I do not truly hold an important existence. All I am is an immense disappointment, a big burden, & faith put to waste. I have felt worthless and invisible in society ever since I was a little child, and I have worked so hard to overcome that, yet I have just landed right back into that same dilemma and loneliness. In so many ways, I am still that lonely, confused, and lost child I was then, yet unlike then, there just is no hope for me now. Change just is not possible.
One of the biggest issues in my […]
I’m tired. That’s all, just tired – of everything. I’ve carried a diagnosis of depression for a long time, but I’ve always managed to keep going in spite of it. Not anymore. I’m just too tired. I don’t think many people understand what it means to be tired like this - it isn’t the ‘I need to take a nap or get a good night’s sleep’ kind of tired – no, this is a bone-deep, soul-weary, insidious form of torment, an uncertain affliction of indeterminate etiology and obfuscate symptomatology; a weariness that persists and will not abate.
I want it over. I don’t want ‘help’, I’ve […]
Lost, confused, tired, annoyed, angry, sad, empty, aching, void and depressed.
These are only few of the words that are fit to describe me at this moment.
How could anyone possibly deal with this world? Everything is just so… bad.
How come others have such an easier time than me when battling this world, this existence?
I am alone, there is no one to help me, no one to comfort me and no one to understand me.
There is nothing that gives my life color, nothing that gives interest or hope and nothing to dream for.
This world is as I see it, as we all see it and it’s not going […]
Some days it’s easy to hate the reality of your own existence. Some times it’s simple to think there isn’t a point to getting by and getting on with life. Some how it’s simple to die on the inside.
Sometimes…but not always. Sometimes people bring you back from the brink- a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a best friend etc… Until they leave me also.
I used to think that it would take some kind of life altering event to cause someone to spiral down the rabbit hole of depression, that people were born happy or content and then we’re twisted by the world around us.
The more I think […]
Everyday brings the same crap, everyday I wake up nauseous as hell.
Everyday I think about how I can successfully kill myself. My parents think I
need to be under medication, because I find it hard to express emotions and feelings when I find everything pretty shitty.
Any temporary happiness I have is always clouded with suicidal thoughts.
As each day goes by sleep is something I resent more and more. Truth is I hate sleeping because I hate waking up to another shitty day
in this existence.I live with the innate idea that if I was never born, I would be happier since I would […]
Thursday morning… This existence is painful, I cant take it anymore. I have no friends all of them have betrayed me, or fucked me over. My family offers no support with anything that I’ve ever done. Every girl I’ve ever met has used me, cheated on me, then got their new boyfriends to bash me. I was abused as a child by step father, and abandoned my real father. Every choice I’ve ever made has been wrong in someones eyes. My best friend overdosed on ice, and has been in a psych ward for the past 3 years, he doesn’t even know who I am. […]
In the beginning there was nothing. it was all
so peaceful. it was void. and then a cockroach sized bug…
somehow it came into existence and start walking
inside void.
it was not evil. it was simply clueless and innocent.
it was a clueless innocent cockroach, but as it
walked…
every step it took, it somehow created sand particles
because in it’s mind or something, it believed it
was stepping on something as it was walking within
void.
it walked and walked and walked and it is still
walking to this date. new sand particles are being
created, more planets will form. and so on..
If you ever see that […]
This is such a weird, yet brilliant website. A place to explore each others internal thoughts, without having to know each other’s name. Reading each post here, I know more about some of these normally unheard people than the people who spend every day with them. Maybe some of the users of this website get annoyed by the use of this website by teenagers, sadly like myself. Anyone who has been through teenage years will blame it on hormones. “Everyone feels the same at your age” “This is normal” “Everyone goes through hard times in their teens” and I’m left feeling no better than I […]
I withdrew all my money from the Bank.
I have spent the last few days giving it away.
Trying to achieve the mindset that the time has come.
I tell myself be brave you will be missed by none. The banality of my existence tells me I am making the only decision I can.
That life can be so painful. I wish for a life I was never given. So I say I no longer want this one. I have had enough. Some of the stories I have read here
resonate so loudly.
How is it some can fly so high, whilst others suffer and […]
I’ve hit rock bottom. Depression has been biting me my whole life, and I let it influence me so much, my grades dropped so much I’m getting kicked out of school. Don’t know if I would cry or laugh about it, cause I’m so pathetic.
Anyways, anyone feel they relate? If only this decision to end this bullshit won’t affect my mom, dad, and sister, I would be easily and freely slipping into non existence right now.