I feel this way, on again, off again. I’m sure other people feel it. I hope no one else does, but at the same time, I hope I’m not alone feeling it. It’s hard to describe it so I won’t right now but I’ll try to express my thoughts because of these feelings. Every time I feel like this, I throw myself into a distraction. Sometimes they’re classes like the piano or learning a new language. Volunteer work. Sometimes it’s following a sports team or being interested in a serial like a TV series. It’s shallow, very hollow, but I thought it helped. When the […]
Tag:
Failure
I guess that those of you reading this have probably heard this a thousand times but i’m going to say it anyway why can’t i be normal? I see people in the streets smiling and getting on with life all happily and yet i’ve been condemned to my own personal hell. I thought that if i blamed people (such as my parents) that i would feel better as i would have someone/something to hate, give my life some sort of purpose. I fooled myself into believing i could be ‘somebody, that i could love life and seize every moment but i can’t. I’ve screwed up […]
who am i kidding im a nobody. im no artist im not even worth calling trash. i try and try but im still not getting any better with my art.. i cant even design my own original characters without it looking like crap. so y should i even bother. im a failure as a human and an artist…
A few things happened today, one good, one bad.
Starting with the bad, my dad yelled at me for eating today. He yelled at my sisters and I for eating too much today and said that we have to ask before we eat anything anymore. My dad gets really mad sometimes, and when he does he exaggerates punishments. But what he doesn’t understand is how powerful his words are to me. Last year I stopped eating. Starving became my life, calories and exercise were my gods, I worshiped them like no other. I lost 20 pounds, went from weighing 123 to 103 in much less than […]
In fact, I’m an introverted person and prone to analyzing everything in my life. I always think over and over again about my mistakes, about what I should do and what I shouildn’t do, I always analyze my life. Sometimes I can’t sleep, because I think too much. I’m shy and I experience lack of self-confidence. I live like a vegetable. I want nothing, I have no goals, I don’t want to do anything. I’m 22 years old and this summer I’ll graduate from the university, but I don’t know what to do with my life…I’m depressed for a long time, I suppose approximately 9 […]
I cut for the first time in a long time.
I was angry and I felt betrayed.
It’s like I couldn’t control anything.
I cut my wrists. The blood looked pretty.
After it was done. It’s like everything was gone.
I started crying. I felt like a failure.
I should stop getting worked up over things out of my control.
I know it’s not my fault. But I can’t stop blaming myself.
Xoxo
My friend and I are drifting so bad. Friday she was upset over not getting a job she was feeling worthless and like a failure and was talking suicidal. I, being her best friend, tried my hardest to console her and comfort her, as i know the feelings all too well. Her response to my advice “I’m taking advice on why not to kill myself from a girl who has tried to kill herself, really, you think you can help me.” That hurt me so bad, as she said that i tried to laugh it off because she later told me it was a joke. […]
I don’t know anymore what I want to do, what I want do be, how to be good. I’m 20, close to 21 and I am just so full of problems. Social inadept, habitual liar (to others and myself), a huge range of food allergies, a bad a student that failing all his classes, and top it all of a plain retarded asshat with problems with his sexuality. I really fucking hate myself these days, for one I’m failing all my classes and I can’t myself to anything about it, when I sit down to do the work my mind goes blank and I can’t […]
I found this site awhile back on one of my endless google searches for “suicide” and the like, and I’ve been putting off joining and posting until I had a more concrete idea of how the rest of my life was going to play out.
Now I know that it isn’t going to play out for very much longer. I’ve known for as long as I can remember that I would kill myself eventually, I’ve never been really, truly happy and have never had the help or the will to get better, so it really was just a matter of how long it would take my […]
Anger rising, rushing through my veins
Thoughts racing, running through my brain.
I can’t take this, all this hate.
I don’t want failure to be my fate.
I am unable to give a f*ck anymore,
So please go walk out that f*cking door!
He and she is no longer we
And I don’t want it to be!
Just let me go, say goodbye.
Let me go and watch me fly.
Hopefully I’ll soar up to God,
Or maybe just get beaten by a metal rod.
F*ck this life, I give up.
No more strife, put my ashes in a cup.
Spread them in a forest in the fall
Or maybe dress me […]
turning 27 next month and what do i have to show for it? nothing. that’s pretty much it. yes, i seem to have a lot to be thankful for. pretty regular childhood, supportive family, awesome guy. what’s missing? well, me. a stupid job. no money. more than that, now i think no skills. looks like i’ve wastd 3 yrs working at something i havent understood at all. coz even tho the current employer seems pretty happy with my performance, i’ve failed three job tests for what i hav been doing for so long. i have ultra nice friends too. all of whom get at least […]
i used to believe in so many things. i believed in happiness. i believed in happy endings. i believed in miracles. i even believed in destiny. but now i don’t even know what the word ” believe ” means. my parents are divorcing and i’m realizing that no one actually really cared about me. not even a little bit. not even at all. because they don’t know understand how much it hurts to be the messed up one. the mistake. the failure. i’ve got no reason to be watched. i’ve got nothing special. i’m just .. broken. i don’t think it’s even possible to […]
I’m Angry today I just want to scream but I’m bottling everything inside like I always do. It’s my mom I can only hope she never feels the way she makes me feel so invalid, and useless, fat, ugly, and horrible just rotten and hopeless and a failure. I keep thinking about trying to kill myself again Bur doing it right this time like jumping off a bridge or hanging myself. I get angrier with myself everyday I look in the mirror and I just want to tear it down and never see my reflection again. I hate myself right now […]
Lost inside idk where to go
trapped with anger, lost of all hope
no finger pointing, only I who is to blame
Im shackled and caged filled FULL of rage
If I wrap this sheet around my neck
I can put water to the blaze
Satan got ahold of me, BOY is he vicious
gave up on myself, dont even care about christmas
miracles dont happen, so I accept my fate
trapped in my own mind there is no escape
razors and knives pierce thru my heart
misery filled conscience, stand alone in the dark
nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
failure hurts, I just want to die
written in summer of 2011, but just bought my charcoal grill […]
I’m almost ready. ready for the pain to end, even if it takes more pain. I wrote a suicide letter a goodbye.I have problems if I killed myself i would be doing the world a favor one less messed up person for people to look at and wonder what I’m like. Who I am. Everyone judges people. And in this world that’s all I am to most people. I was  abused. It changes a person getting slapped for not eating. Getting kicked for crying. Getting my head slammed into a  wall because I couldn’t stop crying. It was like that every day . I have problems. They are clear to […]
no one could ever have enough impact to change the thoughts, when i’m alone
by Knightofdoom
written by Knightofdoom
I really really reallly don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t handle my emotions. whhhhy do i have to be such a failure in life, no matter what i do or who i meet, it never changes anything i  feel. It honestly become a burden, to freinds and family. I feel bad being such a mope, but that only because i’m dying more each and every day. and this pain, that holds me down, just never goes away.
I talk to people, and they all seem to relate in some way, I was talking with one of my new friends and they telling me, how […]
I thought I had beaten the bad thoughts, but apparently not. They’re back. Again… They’re back, they’re stronger than ever and I’m too tired to face them. I really wish people could know how many times I’ve fought this off…. How many times all I could think of was not waking up again. How many times I’ve drafted the same letter, trying to find the right words to explain to the people I love why I had to leave them. And each time, I get closer… The letter is now 11 pages long. It is placed in the right place to be found by the […]
When I was still in Korea  for the exchange student program, that was the time that I was so down and determined to kill myself. However, I realized that i can’t die in a foreign country.  So I just let it pass and hoping that things will get better for myself and that I want to see my friends and family too when I get back. I actually sort of planned everything when I was still there; I’ll get a job or find something that won’t me make rely on anyone financially. I was really positive about this plan because I thought since I felt […]
I did it. I finally screwed up and flunked out of art school. Art school! I’m a shame to my parents. It was bound to happen. Every time I try something, I fail. I hurt people. My girlfriend hurt herself and blamed it on me. Maybe I really did do it to her by being a bad boyfriend. My doctor has said my androgyny is my own fault and he can’t help. It seems like I end up taking the easy way out. Maybe it’s because I don’t have enough testosterone. I’ve disappointed a lot of people. Sometimes I don’t even try. I don’t know […]
I quit my job after 3 days. 3 whole days and i quit. im such dumb failure. Im over-sensitive, and social anxiety, and i couldn’t take the fact that those god awful customers disrespected me like that. i couldn’t bare the fact that i got threaten, assaulted and harassed. im so stupid. Secondly, this guy scared the crap out of me in the parking lot. i have never been so scared before. I was in the parking lot sitting in my car reading something, and this guy comes out of nowhere and parks next to me. He just starring at me, and he winks, and i got […]