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I can only cry

by evildandelions
written by evildandelions

It’s as if all I can do is cry.

Even just spending maybe two hours with my family for Christmas was hard. Pretending to be okay even though I feel like half my family is missing- how could I be spending Christmas without her?

How could I be spending my life without her?

It still feels unreal; I think of her, of memories with her and I can’t believe that she could leave me.  She called me her wife.  She said I was for forever.  I just can’t get over the idea that she’s gone. The idea that she could leave me, that we wouldn’t be together, was […]

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Christmas

by nicole123
written by nicole123

Merry Christmas to all… I hope you all had a good day .

I didn’t feel like it was Christmas today .
It’s my least favorite holiday.

I feel like today is a day where people find a excuse to get back in touch with you , people get you gifts because they feel like they have to, and family’s have to get together because they feel bad that they haven’t for a whole year .

I kind of had a good day though. I saw my step family . Their really nice . My actual family is pretty much all dead , except for my great […]

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Cannot stand living.

by sadgirl101
written by sadgirl101

I cannot believe how much my life has changed in 6 months. I loved life, had amazing friends, family, educational and social life. I have always had quite a hard family life where I have had to help care for members of the family doing this daily made me think I was a good person.

My life is so different now. A video of me has went viral. I was drunk and have absolutely no idea wat the content is but EVERYWHERE I go I get laughed at, made fun of and have comments shouted at me. I have left my job because the abuse I […]

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Holiday Pain & Loneliness

by Ending_Pain
written by Ending_Pain

This year is especially hard for me. I’m separated, no close family, no close friends, new medical issues, no job, no kids, no pets… No one to be with through the holidays.
I see post after post on Facebook of people with either friends and/or family. All i want to do is cry!
I’m in so much pain physically and emotionally, i just want it to stop!

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Happy Xmas

by Nusu Nusu
written by Nusu Nusu

2015 wasn’t an easy year for me.  I didn’t attempt to kill myself but the thoughts at times to do so, were relentless.  Last couple of months I’ve been doing group therapy for the first time since I was a teenager, with people that share my particular label which is borderline personality disorder.  It feels good to be around people who are in the same boat.  It has helped me feel less alone.  I’m having to use my annual leave at work, to attend the appointments, which is a bit rough, because normally I’d use my annual leave as ‘sick days’ or as a day […]

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I can’t hold it..I thought I could.

by AfflictedSmile
written by AfflictedSmile

So I thought I could hold my stuff together long enough to visit family without some sort of break down. I was wrong. About an hour into it, my step grandmother tried to take my picture. I just wasn’t in the mood or spirit as I’ve been really depressed lately. After begging her not to, she did anyways. And I’m very self conscious and I know I’m not good looking. I struggle with this a lot. How I perceive myself and how others see and view me. Needless to say all these feelings of emptiness and sadness rushed to the surface in the form of […]

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Sighs Christmas alone

by Deadinside59
written by Deadinside59

Yet another Christmas my family just wants me to stay in my room which normally i don’t mind but seeing everyone so happy with their family or significant other kills me i wonder why can’t i have that why was i born into such a cruel family why so many questions but the good part is this year i have money and its like 70 here for the first time so i can drive the work truck around (it doesn’t have heat so usually I wouldn’t drive it in the winter) I’ll probably just leave to go to the park or something maybe i don’t […]

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Don’t know what to do

by metalfan
written by metalfan

20 years old and desperately trying to find a reason to live. Problems in the family have led to me feeling like shit for the last 3 years and I haven’t been able to shake off the feelings of depression and uselessness that I started having when everything started happening. Countless days have been spent putting myself in isolation in order for me not to try affect other people’s lives, and trying to find the energy to sometimes go out and do things is one of the hardest things to try and do. Things started getting even worse about 3 months ago, and I’ve been […]

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Suicide…Read This First Response

by darkestdays
written by darkestdays

Hello,
I just recently came across this site as I was in a broken state. I’ve taken hundreds of online depression quizzes and all seem to say the same thing…that I am severely depressed. Every time I bring up being tested to my mom, she makes it seem like it’s a big joke and laughs. It has never once got through to her that maybe something is wrong with me. People talk about me, “friends” don’t want to hang around me, my mother claims im a long list of words such as: ugly, fat, a pig, stupid, attention seeker, drama, dumb ass, retarded….. the […]

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Can money really not buy happiness?

by InhalingAnxiety
written by InhalingAnxiety

I hear people say it all the time. I never think anything of it. I just immediately nod my head in agreement. Then that point of the conversation is over with.

I never hear people fight the statement or really just stop and think about it. I mean, yeah, it probably can’t buy some people happiness, depending on the reasons they aren’t happy to begin with.

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You’re like a family to me

by Rinka
written by Rinka

I haven’t posted a lot, but I already feel like you’re my family. So warm and welcoming. I’m glad I’m not the only one out there with doubts and fears. I hope I one day can be like you, nice and full of hope. Thank you for being there. Thank you to you all.

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I Have No Hope In Anything Anymore

by wastedlifeat21
written by wastedlifeat21

I have no hope for anything anymore, why should I keep living? I just want a reason to still be alive.

I struggle in school. After I messed up kept failing classes and failing a whole semester, it’s going to take forever for me to graduate.

Interpersonal relationships always seem to fail in some way or another, most people seem to want to take advantage of me, and leave eventually. Not to mention that I’m ugly and unlovable, so no one cares about me. I just let everyone down and disappoint them.

My father hates me so much, he changed his will to replace me with my cousins […]

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Open Letter To My FB Friends

by mangel
written by mangel

tears

I hate Facebook today.

Last night, I learned that a friend took her own life.  Her Facebook page is full of pictures with her arms wrapped around her children, positive quotes, jokes, “happy” pictures with friends and deeply spiritual thoughts.

We post glimpses of our hearts not wide open pictures of our real life.  We are careful not to show depth or vulnerability.  God forbid that someone would see our flaws or pain.

I am learning that the keyboard becomes a template on which people […]

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lack of energy

by abyssgirl
written by abyssgirl

I used to think I was just lazy but after reading about depression the majority of the symptoms describe me perfectly, I really wish I had a will to live and be motivated to do things, problem is I lack self motivation, I only live for my boyfriend and family, majority of days I hope I just die in my sleep…

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Anniversary

by Ylem
written by Ylem

Today is my parents’ 19th wedding anniversary. They have been together for 35 years. High school sweethearts. Yes… They’ve had their fair share of ups and downs, especially this year. At a certain point, I wanted their marriage to end because I felt it had become toxic. They pulled through. They found a way to make it work.

As for me, I don’t see myself married. I doubt I’ll ever find someone who will understand me. Sometimes it’s hard to even understand myself. Marriage… Children… That will be just another reason to keep me on this earth longer than I want to.
I’m scared of getting […]

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Should be festive…

by Romanticide
written by Romanticide

I really ought to be festive this time of year.

But my moods are getting me down. Literally

I’ve made a plan for January. Once Christmas is over. I will try to kill myself again. 

I can’t do it before now. Because it’s too close to Christmas. As much as I don’t care I still care about how my family feel. I can’t have the anniversary of my death this close to Christmas every year.

But January would give them time to feel more detatched from it by that time next year.

I think I’ve found a more permanent way of doing it this time.

I just need somewhere to write […]

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Feeling Crazy

by evildandelions
written by evildandelions

I’ve said numerous times that I felt crazy, but nothing compares to this.

I feel so impulsive it scares me, like I can barely control myself.  The anxiety is near constant and so overwhelming that my body becomes s0 physically agitated that I can’t stand it- at times I’ll cry and clutch my stomach, writhing in mental and sometimes physical pain.

I am so angry and sad and betrayed and- it feels like there is too much going on in my head.  I know, rationally, I don’t want to lash out in anger, but the urge and pain is so strong.  I know, rationally, that I could get through […]

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disordered eating

by jasal
written by jasal

I don’t have an eating disorder, but I do use starvation as a form of self-harm. The pain and weakness that come with intense hunger are gratifying in a sick, sick way. Hunger is one part punishment, one part distraction. I deserve to suffer this way, and the suffering keeps my mind off of how terrible I feel emotionally.

I haven’t had a full meal in 3 days and have been sleeping through dinner. The best part is that no one in my family cares. I told you. I deserve this. No one in this house would care if I rotted away. I should really just […]

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It’s gone wrong

by YouAreStrong
written by YouAreStrong

I don’t know what I’m looking for from this, a place to get everything off my chest to hopefully clear my mind. This is going to be a long post.

I’m 17, male, currently attending a school that specialises in Mathematics, I’m studying Mathematics, Further Mathematics, Physics and Computer Science for my A levels. I have links to a cyber security firm who will give me a scholarship and put me through a computer science degree should I choose to go to university. I also have a huge interest in nuclear energy and want to see if I can get a job in that field. My […]

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Worst

by evildandelions
written by evildandelions

Today, as I wracked with sobs, hiding from my parents and my visiting friend, never have I ever wanted to be dead as much.

I am so angry-sad that, in the first time I can remember, I was so close to being truly happy only to have it snatched away literally weeks before it could’ve happened.  I could’ve been not depressed (or significantly less so) and still be engaged to the woman I love.  She is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Even after everything I’ve been through, this might be the worst.  Maybe because I was so close to being happy, that it was actually attainable. […]

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