My wife of 7 years left 3months ago and it still feels like the first day.she has a new bf wich she says shes in love with now.that
realy fucked me up.realy bad.the thought of them holding hands or kissing kills me and the thought of them makeing love makes me physicly ill i want to vomit.each day i pray all day to die and i even try about a month ago.thay put me in the hospital for about a week and i had to lie and tell them i wouldnt try again so thay would let me out.we have 4 year old son […]
For the past six months I’ve been strugling with severe problems in my life. The main reason was breakup with my girlfriend after 3 years. Since the breakup I havent slept more than 5 hours a day, I don’t even go out anymore (in fear I might see her) and overall I’ve isolated myself from the outside world and things got so far I’ve been inches away from commiting suicide, however there came a point where things started to go more positive; me and ex talked about the breakup and deicided that it’s best for both of us if we just stay friends, I’ve got […]
Don’t be fool by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I’m afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature to me,
but don’t be fooled.
For God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure,
that confidence is my name and coolness is my gane,
that the water’s calm and I’m in command,
and that I need no one.
But don’t believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface
is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to […]
I fuked up. About a year and a half ago I became addicted to painkillers I’ve been on suboxone for the past 6 month’s my wife found the suboxone pills about 4 months ago so I came clean and she left me and took my 1yr old daughter with her and is using my past drug problem against me to get custody and prevent me from regularly seeing my daughter I also got caught shoplifting about a month ago and during my addiction I used my corporate credit card for work to take cash advances to pay for my pills work found out fired me […]
I’m Hannah. It’s my first time on this website, or any suicide forum for that matter. I found this website researching certain things about suicide. I’ve made several suicide attempts for over a year now, and I’m dead set on succeeding  it this month. I don’t see a reason for living anymore. I’m useless. I’m so depressed that I don’t have the motivation to get out of bed, or eat, or speak, or even open my fucking eyes in the morning. It just all so pointless. The hurting, and suffering, and hoping. I grew up with an alcohol dependent, abusive, work obsessed father, a narcissistic, jealous, […]
I have tried to kill myself several times. I know I failed cuz I was holding back. Now I no longer feel the need to. I mean I have made a serious effort ( time in hospital and sanatorium) but I could have done it better and have made sure it worked.
Last month I had the privilege of spending 3 days with my father as he died an agonizing death. I am now certain there is no God. No more fear of the after life as I am now certain there isn’t one. Nothing mystic about dying now, we are just animals and we all […]
This is about me 3 years ago and how I survived looking into the horror that I have created. I was a lonely person my whole life and I been reading all the time. What else does a boy with no friends have to do. Anyway at age of 17 I spent months in my room reading. I had hundreds of books there. And one book which I ran across had affected me in a very bad way. I got interested in it and I read it over and over and somehow suddenly it affected me. I began to have paranoid thoughts and become scared […]
If you don’t know, The Sunset Limited is a movie, about a suicidal man with two very famous actors in it. Its defiantly worth a watch.
Anyways, I feel like Tommy Lee Jones in that movie. Nobody gets me, except for the people on this site! I’m living in a constant state of agony as I have never felt in my life. As some of you know I tried to hang myself yesterday. I landed on with my feet on the floor the first time I tried due to not calculating the rope position properly after the noose was tightened it left too much space. So […]
I just don’t know what to say anymore, or what to think. I can’t get off from my head all the thoughts, the flashes keep coming as if there’s nothing more. Why, i tell myself, but no answer is found. And now I’m not sure if I want one. but it’s the guilt inside my head, and my hole body.
Is just another day, another hour, minute, and breath, but I can’t breathe anymore; the air is not getting inside of me. As I close my eyes every memorie is haunting me, I want to forget. I want to be able to look at me […]
Screams
Screams no one can hear
In the darkness there is silence and fear
The shouts uttered by a madman
Heard throughout the ward
He is the forgotten one
The one whose lost all hope
There’s nothing anyone can do
To help him cope with his pain
He talks to himself
His brain and body taking sides
Of his split personality:
One to live. One to die.Â
The voices in his head
Tell him he should be dead
And half his will wishes to oblige
Yet the memories of his friends
Keep him moving to mend his life
And live another day.Â
He’s got nothing left
Nothing left to hide
This is my first time on this site. In an effort to do something about my isolation I have volunteered to be a stage hand for a play being produced at a local theatre festival in August. I am meeting the director today and feel so nervous to commit to this. On the one hand I think committing and following through with something would be a real accomplishment – not to mention the social opportunities. But I am SO afraid I will let them down by not showing up on a need-to-stay-in-bed day or an I-feel-paralyzed day or whatever. I really want to challenge myself […]
Dedicated to anyone who thinks about it- I understand- but it is not the answer.
I have been up for hours and am exhausted before the clock strikes eight. I eye the sink full of dirty items while the dishwasher lies four inches to the left. The house is silent and soon I know the air will be filled with anger.
Walking outside I water the just planted begonias, knowing full well once I leave they will die; much like the limited peace that lies between the walls. I […]
i am having this horrible time i wanna give up but i wanna have hope though now i have none i fear being alone i cant put up with being lonely. i CANT BE ALONE??? :/
I’m trying really hard, not for you or anyone else, I’m doing it for myself this time and still can’t do it anyway… you know that now I am completely sure that I’m worthless, I can’t be saved. But does it really matter? I’ll answer that for you… NO, but you already knew this.
Days pass, not being able to confront myself, only falling deeper and deeper, my consciousness dims… so many years of loneliness, sadness and fear now are showing their dangers.
How many scars will I let myself to have? How many cuts do I have to make for not feeling this way? How deep […]
‘Oh, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you.’
‘In the grander scheme of things, you are really insignificant.’
‘You’re too young.’
‘How can you expect anyone to care for you, to love you, if you don’t love yourself?’
‘We’ve spent this much money on you, the least you can do is pay us back.’
Yeah. Okay. I comprehend that. I don’t stop thinking about them for a moment.
But I’m 19 years old and I am tired. I am tired of clawing my way through classes, I am tired of not being able to look anyone in the eye because I’m afraid of them, I am tired of not wanting to […]
link:Â http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTXeg-Swq9w
Whenever I feel like killing myself I listen to this track! Give it a shot! I think (at least the true old school) hip hop helps rechanneling the negative energy elsewhere. I listen to a lot of it; I think the main problem today is that the world is just downright unfucking fair and people should be killed but not us the sensitive common people; it”s those fuckers on the top of the chains that are abusive exploitative bastards, literally starving their people to death!!!! and that has to be changed. also they’re forcing on us an image that we just can’t identify with, an […]
My head keeps on
I wonder if it could ever be turned off
“I must be dreaming”, I tell myself
So many times, and I’ve found out the truth
Nothing more… nothing else
Is it just me? Is it my fault?
Do I live in a different world?
No? And so why I feel that way?
Give me answers please
‘Cause I have no escape
I have no one in fact
Not even my cat wants me to scratch him in the back
And you still wonder why…
Did you notice those cuts in my arms?
Or that I am by myself most of the […]
I have known for a long time that my death would be at my own hands. This has never been a passing whim. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t want to die. I suppose that makes me a coward because I can’t face life. My fear of suicide is only that I will be unsucessful. I am house bound and have very little access to means to end my life and no one will see it my way and help me. My biggest regret is that I had children. I should have been more carefull with birth control because no child deserves a […]
For so many years of my life, I’ve endured the constant feeling of sadness and feeling alone. Every day, progressively worse than the last. Then the day came where I met someone who gave me a breathe of fresh air in my life, and gave me a purpose and reason to live. How great it was to love something more than yourself. She lives 10 hours away, I sold everything I own in this world to go see her, I leave tomorrow.
But why is it I’m so close, but I feel so scared? I feel as though I’ve already lost her, and I haven’t even […]
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person…
thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
I often feel like I belong to another planet, universe, or perhaps another ‘spiritual’ plane, dimension,..something like that.
my super-vivid imagination’s world / universe is often a HUNDRED times much more lively, interesting, exciting, thrilling, and challenging than this apparently “Law and Order, all about money/profits and status” shallow, mundane, meaningless real world !
it’s my curse.
fuck my life..
get the hell me out of this fucking Matrix , please , somebody!
there should be an OPTION to get the fuck […]