i don’t know where it all started i got so angry and so upset that i had an urge like no other i could never seem to bring myself to inflict harm on someone else so i started cutting. oh my gosh at the instant relief you get so i just kept doing it again and again and again. my first time was with a tack cause i was 14 and did have anything else at the time. then i got older got a pocket knife never cut directly over the wrists i did want to really kill myself just wanted the pain to go […]
Tag:
feel
Okay. I’ve never done this before. I’m not open about these sorts of things, mainly because the people that are meant to love me and support me are the ones that are causing me the most distress. Only two people in my life have actually loved me – one changed to hating me when I let them crack away at the surface, and the other doesn’t know half of what the first did. I know that I am unloved, and no matter what I always will be. It’s just who I was born as.
There’s a friend I’ve been talking to about some of this because […]
Somedays i feel like it’s so hard to understand anyone or anything around me.. I dislike waking up in the morning and knowing that, i have to live for another day.. Everyone constantly says that, there’s no such thing as feeling sad forever, and eventually we’ll all get out of this hell. But it’s not true, i’ve been waiting for so long for all of these to end. Why hasn’t it..? I want to be free as well yet it seems so impossible when i’m living on this earth.. So many things have been going on for the past 2years, i’ve waited very patiently.. for […]
i am inexplicably tired of everything in my life right now. i am tired of everyone depending on me to be there for them, shouting their problems to me, as if i am strong enough to carry all of their weight plus mine. i am tired of old memories coming back to haunt me and the fear i feel, i am tired of the realness of all of my feelings and thoughts. i am tired of keeping everything about my identity a secret to those who “love” me. i am tired of the overwhelming feelings of loneliness i feel at night as if no one […]
One point of time in life I wasn’t always depressed, I sit here and I think how things got this way but until this day I still don’t understand . It’s like now I don’t see the point of living anymore… To wake up and do the same stuff everyday, see the same people and places . It’s tiring ! And th e one time everything made sense was when I was with him… My savior, he made me so happy but now he’s gone ???? got stabbed to death. It’s like now will I ever feel the same? When I had him here I […]
Just to feel someone next to me
To hear a soft and steady breathing
Someone who knows what I’m feeling
And refuses to leave me hurting
Through the doctors visits and meds
Through countless hospital beds
Through things I should have never said
And the times I wish I was dead
Please sing me to sleep
My heart will be yours to keep
Just sing to me a lullaby
And kiss away the tears I cry
To feel your hands on me
And know you never planned to leave
Through the illnesses that plague me
And all I really wanted to be
Through all of my broken […]
Well, it’s been a while since I was last here. I think my last post was a video of me briefly rambling about dark shit. Some of you may also remember me as Buscetti or whatever, but I’m doing a name change.
I’d like to start a new YouTube channel to occasionally post mostly about the stuff you’re all probably familiar with…depression, anxiety, self harm, abuse, PTSD…bla bla bla. I apologize for not showing my face, but when I start talking about things more in depth, especially the abuse part…I’d like to stay as anonymous as possible. I’ll be honest I’ve been really struggling with suicidal thoughts again and […]
I guess I’m back for now. I don’t think there’s anyone left here that remembers me but I need somewhere I can talk or vent and not have it ruin my life because that’s all talking seems to do lately. I hope I can be the way I used to, I hope I can learn how to listen again… I was so much better at it when I was really depressed but before I watched my friends disappear one by one knowing they weren’t just hiding… It’s been a while and I hope I can be the person I was, and honestly I would rather […]
There are so many things running through my head i might not make much sense, as I always do whenever I get suicidal. Actually saying that I’m suicidal actually makes me feel real juvenile for some reason, because I keep telling myself that I’m too old to run away from things like this. But truth be told, I’m just really scared of my life turning into nothing and having no point in life. I’m just really scared of my life right now, because I can literally feel it unraveling, because of who I am (and who I am NOT to be more precise).
I’ve always thought […]
Why does my life feel like a prison sentence?
I have done things that I am not proud of – but did I murder anyone? No, did I steal? No… I didn’t do any of the things that would get you 10 to life… yet that’s exactly what I have – A life sentence to be served daily.. no escape, horrible loneliness, no friends, just existing day after day in this damnable prison of my own mind – such betrayal – my own brain cast me in this cell.
It’s been a few months since ive wanted to commit suicide and been depressed and each time it happens or cycles i feel closer and more at peace with going through with it just have to be nice about it and fix my funeral expenses. When it happens i wont be mucking around i will down a few downers down some alcohol and choose my method which should be pretty peaceful.
I came to this world with lots of drive and motivation and somewhere along the line got caught up with the wrong crowed from school and got caught up in drugs and alcohol. 10 […]
Im a 20 year old male and this is my story, i dont really feel like commiting suicide but i just want to share this story. I have never cutted or harmed myself in any way possible.
Ive been a normal kid before someone told me i got a tad fatter in a matter of weeks (im still 2mteters talls and i weigh 75kg..). Since that day my life went downhill really fast, i started to look away from people and the real life because i fellt like i wasnt good enough in others peoples eyes. Since that day i just felt like anything i did […]
I had no idea there were places were I could write about the possibility of killing my self.
I am just tired of life. I have struggled my entire life to try and find meaning and direction and a path for me to follow but I have never been successful.
I suppose I have done a few things, had a few jobs, bought a couple of houses, had a few relationships and so on, like most people, but I have felt empty pretty much my whole life.
I just don’t and cannot see the reason to be alive. I use the usual distractions that I guess most people […]
Ive started hearing voices again at night, without any real cause. They whisper my name and other little things to hushed to really make out. Its still taunting though, always enough to catch my attention and startle me. I really hate it. It makes me question what reality is, whose really there…I know its all in my head but its so hard to ignore. So hard to push away.
They keep trying to get me to do things. I cant function anymore…i cant be social anymore. I hate even stepping out of the house. I dont even feel safe when i sleep. What is actual sleep […]
i’m really devestated even though many good things happined during the last periode of my life (i succeeded in finals and i’m gonna go to college ) but none of that made me feel better i still feel like i’m a looser and worthless person even though i see no reason why i should feel like that but i’m so paranoid i can’t trust anyone and i feel like no one love me they are all pretending..how could any one love or even like someone like me and i can”t make good relationships with girls cause whenever a girl date me and be nice to […]
I told my parents that I wanted to kill myself today. They forced me to tell them why, it was hard telling them and to be honest I didn’t tell them the whole story. I don’t feel any different, I thought telling them would help but it didn’t. I still want to kill myself. They said we’d talk as a whole family tomorrow but I don’t. I’m really thinking about ending it tonight. I’m in to much pain here, maybe the other wprld will make me feel better.
Its so strange that i have a wife and 2 beautiful children and to anyone else they would think i have nothing to be depressed about but it doesnt work like that, i do love my children but i dont chose to have the feelings i do, it just happens and i cannot shake the dark days.
I did love my wife and hope i still do, by that i mean the depression is so overpowering it can cloud how i really feel about people so i dont know my feelings which is worse than knowing you do or dont love someone.
I often feel […]
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc
Ive always fought but this time i am tired feel defeated and do not see how i can get past this. Every other time i could find my fight song… this time i just dont feel it in me.
Anyone ever feel like you’re only here to be the joke of everything? Feel like you’re always the one people laugh at and put down. Feel like you’re always the disappointment in everything…. Yep that’s me.. Hi, my name is fuck up.
I regret it completely.
I tried talking to my school counsellor, and another lecturer whom I hoped could trust with this problem. I just felt so hopeless that I thought that perhaps telling someone would lessen it (I don’t know, it was a moment of weakness).
Not only did that lecturer betray confidentiality – she told the counsellor that I wanted to commit suicide (which it do not) – and according to protocol she may have to report me. I couldn’t believe it. You can’t trust anyone, no matter what they swear or promise.
It was awful. The counsellor indirectly blamed me for her not being able to […]