No matter how I try to ignore this feeling it keeps coming back…it feels like its a part of myself and it’s wrong for me not to feel the pain or trying to distract myself from the monster inside me…3 days ago I threw away all my razor blades thinking that if I don’t cling to the thing that makes me feel that way it will slowly fade away…I was never so wrong in my life….for 3 days I thought I was invincible then boom!! My ex whom I still love so much found someone else…she has been ignoring me for weeks..at first I thought […]
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feel
I am 18 years old im not posting this for any other reason than to just do it, my lifes not always been easy but its not always been hard either ill admit that however all my life I’ve had bi polar schizophrenia I didn’t know about this till very recently and well my familys abandoned me they lied threw me out hell my moms a special ed teacher and well I never knew how hard this was going to be but I tried to commit suicide when I was 16 I rehabilitated and focused on positives it was ok till I was thrown out […]
I have been feeling this way for a long time now. I really don’t know why though, I wish i did. I feel like dying is the only option for me. But I can’t because my Mom needs me. I have tons of scars that I wish I could hide but I can’t since its the summer and its really fucking hot. Its hard to feel this way and want to die but you can’t because you know it will hurt the ones you love. *sigh* I really need to think…….
Everyone just throw to the fire things that make you feel bad. I’ll start:
helplessness
loneliness
greediness
ignorance
bad music
…
I’m just so fucking stuck. No matter what I do, I’m stuck.
A little back story: my abusive boyfriend of a year and a half and I mutually split. It ended on a really, really bad note. I tend to just push it out of my mind and go numb to get over someone, which was working fine with him, until he messaged me again to try to be just friends. He knows shit like this ruins all my progress, every single time. I don’t think he cares anymore, though. I wouldn’t. I think he’s just getting a kick of dragging me along still. I don’t […]
It’s weird knowing I’m not going to make it past June. I’m not even sure what day, I’m thinking around early-mid June. Ideally anywhere from the 3rd-18th. I’ve always been alone in life and I’m going to be alone in death. I definitely don’t feel worthy of God’s time. I’ll learn from the experience and move on if an afterlife exists. I’m not doing anything different until then. I’m still just reading, hanging out with my dog, walking around, and praying for others. Lately I’ve talked with distant relatives at a family type event (I usually skip going) and it wasn’t really fun at all. […]
I got bored, so tried to use catch phrases from users on a Salt post, feel free to ignore.
by Procel
written by Procel
F uck you I’m not breaking,
I t doesn’t matter how much I’m aching,
G ritting my teeth to stop them shaking,
H elping hands always there remaking,
T he smiles and the laughing creating,
T he Fuck you I’m not breaking,
H ead to toe I may be quaking,
E ven then I won’t brake.
D epression will keep you awake,
A sking yourself “whatsa matter, is that all you can take?”
R ight so you shout “let’s see how far it can go” despite what’s at stake,
K nocked down, you whisper to yourself “get up, just get up” praying to the trinity,
N owhere […]
it is very tiring to feel like the only one, to blame yourself for everything, to see choices that you made that are set in stone in a cruel world. it is very tiring to now have physical symptoms due to stress and feel it is your fault, it is very tiring to be alone and constantly struggling to get around seen by no one in this cruel ass world
ptsd and sexual abuse and no family and loneliness and self-blame and no way to get around and no one who truly cares is a recipe for going home
god doesnt care either b/c god has never […]
This is my first time posting on here, but I really feel alone right now. Even when I’m with my family I still feel lonely. All my friends left me when they found out I have depression. I’ve been suffering from it for 5 years now and about a month ago I tried to commit suicide. all I can think about is commiting suicide again except this time I will make sure I succeed. Ive been working on a plan since I got out of the hospital. I can’t keep going on like this I need my suffering to end. Ive been cutting for A […]
well today is my birthday. and i am debating whether or not i want to stay alive. no one knows what is going on with me or else i probably wouldn’t be sitting here alone. but that is ok. the people who do know i am suicidal ie shrink, therapist, all have other people to attend to. i am willing to bet i am not even on their radar today. i have the means, a place picked out, all i need is some gumption to get moving. the bottom line is i can’t take living like this anymore. this depression just won’t let up and […]
At the age of 14, in my first year of highschool, I tried to take my life. I hid under a bridge, without anyone knowing in the morning on October 27th, and I swallowed 60+ pills. The pills were pills that I was prescribed to from my doctor. Before all this, I was clinically diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I had thought that I would get better, but seemingly, I did not. So, that morning, I took pills, and waited. My legs were numb, and I was freezing cold. My whole body was slowly shutting down, and I could feel every little part of it […]
I just realized that the only thing that took my sadness away are drugs or alkohol. I guess now for almost 3 years there was barely a day I was completely sober. Now that I am I don’t feel any difference to when I wasn’t taking anything. Well maybe I realized it earlier. I did try to do breaks to not be “high” every day but I couldn’t take it somehow. I guess I’m an addict… And this really shocks me I never expected to get addicted to anything. May sound stupid but that’s how you get addicted you close your eyes and just go […]
I’m such a fucking waste of space. How could anyone love a girl who can’t even love herself? Who cares about a girl who scars her own skin? There’s no pretty way to tell you I want to die. I just want to feel something other than hate and emptiness. I dream about taking a bottle of pills, slitting my wrists, but part of me wants it to be an accident, so I don’t seem like the coward I am. If a car hit me, it would be a blessing. A few years ago, I would of told you that I felt beautiful, strong, popular. […]
At this point I am all alone in my own head. There’s not a single person in the world that knows how I truly feel, and I’m hurting. I have no clue what the source of these inner demons I’m struggling with is, and at this point I don’t think I’ll ever find it.
It has been six years since I started feeling depressed. I am 19 and my feelings started as a freshman in high school. At first I just thought they were normal teen angst. I felt lonely. I felt alienated from those around me. I felt so guilty about everything I did wrong, […]
if i cant find a job, i will end up homeless eventually. i dont want that. i went to college. i want to work, and have a life. i dont want to end up homeless. i want a job, so i can afford to see doctors about my little health issue (that is easily fixable if one has just a little money). there isno reason why i should end up homeless, but it seems that is what is going to happen eventually. i have no siblings, and my cousins all have thier own families. im scared to die, im scared of death. im also terrified […]
Depression can be a likened to that of;
an insect
trapped within the web of life.
The spider, represents mortality. The spider can be particularly hungry some days, and seek to devour its prey quickly and painlessly. These are the folk who encounter the planet, and cannot bear to stick around long enough to see any more of it. They are the overwhelmed, the kindred spirits that take their lives young. Other times, the spider will toy with its victim, play with it and taunt it for days and months and years.
because that is exactly it. Isn’t it?
We depressed folk are the victims of life itself. We feel […]
Man, I feel like I for once was right about something. This website is already proving amazing. My previous vent helped me through the day, and upon logging on again and seeing a couple encouraging comments, I feel I can fully breathe again. Well, at least for today.
Tomorrow is a different story, but we’ll talk about and deal with that when we get there. Seriously though, this website is my new go-to place. I’ve kept diaries in the past, but my older sister snoops through them and at times would have the nerve to leave comments she believed encouraging. On the contrary, they were quite […]
I’m not a selfish person. I’ve been told suicide is selfish. People will miss you, greive, feel guilt, brcw depressed themselves. Your parents. Siblings. Friends. Grandparents. Extended family. They’ll hurt. Some, forever. My parents, especially my mother, will be forever grieving.
My life is good. Good job, family, friends, lifestyle, living conditions, amentities… There is not much i need that I don’t have. Sure I’m single, but I’m seeing someone, kind of, and he’s great. Other guys ask me out, I have to turn them down.
But still I can’t shake this.
I feel like I’m spiralling down a rabbit hole.
I don’t want to get up in the […]
Today my childhood best friend graduated from high school. She is a year older than me and she moved away a few years ago so we lost touch. I’m really happy and proud of her accomplishment. I can’t help but feel like a complete failure though. I’m never going to graduate or accomplish anything. I have no future or dreams anymore.
Let’s see.
No more daily emotional pain that is excruciating – more than any physical pain I have felt.
No more feeling like I want to scratch off my own skin just to take away the feeling of emotional pain
No more trying to face people and smile
No more worrying about jobs/cars/bills
No more worrying about will I find a partner.
No more worrying about my health and which diseases I have because I get a headache.
No more worrying about losing my looks as I get older.
No more worrying about anything anymore.
Just peace and calm and NOTHING. I have just 10 days […]