I don’t know if anyone remembers my last post, titled numb. Basically i explained what happens when i go numb. I cut off all feeling, i am in a haze, it takes so much energy to pull out for 30 min. so i can act okay. But i sink deeper and deeper until i cut, and then i’m fine again. i haven’t cut since March, and I’ve been okay. Until now. I’m starting to fall again, and i don’t know why. The only person i can talk to is my friend Skye, because she the only person i know and trust at my new school. […]
Tag:
Feelings
I haven’t come here for a long time, but this evening is just too much for me. More than anything, I need someone to take care of me tonight. I’m in so much of pain (physical) that I can barely stand or walk. I’m hungry, but I don’t have it in me to actually do something about it. I’ve been feeling so lonely recently, and this physical pain is making the emotional pain worse. I would love to have someone take care of me for a change, rather than me being the one that helps everyone else. But tonight, I am reminded just how alone […]
And here I am. Writing on a website my feelings of sadness.
I have no friends. No one to talk to. A crazy family that I live with but try to avoid because of my disagreements of their lifestyle. Im a very stubborn person. I feel that Im broken as a result of my own family. I feel mental anguish. I have RSI in my wrist from too much typing, writing, mouse clicking. I am on medication for something that was caused by my family. I despise medication. I havent had real friends for 7 years. Ive been depressed since I was 16. Even though […]
Been a while since I vented to my fellow suicidies. Thankfully, I haven’t been feeling so suicidal lately– but I still feel mentally unstable. I guess most of the reason for my mental stability has been my comfort in solitude and repetition. As much as the repetitive drag of everyday seems to weigh me down, I’ve felt quite anchored in it.
A few days ago I received the ominous “hey” text from an ex boyfriend. My repetitive reality has been temporarily shattered. It’s been almost a year since I last spoke to this ex boyfriend. I’ve been through a couple stages: When is he going to […]
have to get some shots tomorrow. they might see some other scars. if they ask i’ll probably cry… if i do, they’ll think something’s wrong. why is it so difficult to have/show any feelings in this world today? um anyway, even if it goes fine, i’m pretty much done. not angry or tired or anything, just feeling inadequate/invisible… and i don’t want to be here/anywhere anymore. how this will end, i don’t know yet, but i know it will end soon.
i will lay my body down
oh somewhere, beneath the sun
flee the safety of the trees
where i’ve taken, i have not brought
i will bathe my chest […]
A very pitiful thought came in my mind yesterday. What if science is right. what if all these things – our thoughts, our feelings, our emotions, our efforts, our depression, our questions, our reasonability – things that are so important in our life, what if they are in actual just some neuron firings and some chemical interactions. its horrifying. a person is suffering from something. finally one day he resolve that enough, now i’m gonna change it however much i have to put effort. he fight and practice and finally get over that demon. But what IN ACTUAL happened is just a simple change in […]
Well..I am 27 years old. I feel cold inside, like I have no emotions or tears left. My heart feels like it has a large hole in it. I seriously have no friends or no one to talk to. All I ever do is work & stay home. I live in a country side of Alabama & nothing makes me happy anymore. I have thought about killing myself a few times but I know if I do then I will go straight to hell. But on the other hand, It feels like this life on earth is hell. I play guitar & drums for almost […]
Hello everyone, I have been on this site for a while,never really spoke about myself,not sure if someone is going to read this,but here goes anyway.I grew up in Brooklyn NY,im male Hispanic 36 years old.I never felt like I was a part of this world, I always felt different,always had different feelings towards people,feelings of compassion of helping others out.I never really understood why people were so evil.Why everyone just mostly cared about themselves.As a boy this is how I saw the world (and still do as an adult).Growing up I had 2 parents.For the most part my mother was always sweet and loving,never […]
Hey, how are you?
I know I have probably stuffed everything up between us but I didn’t know who else to talk to. No one understands me. I feel like letting you go was probably a bad idea but I know it was for the best. I’m gunna be honest here I just don’t think you were as into it as I was, and thats okay. But I really hope we can be friends.
I have no one to talk to. And today has been really bad. I stayed home from school and I was just thinking and thinking about Sam about you about everything […]
Always on my mind
Good and bad
Took my dad away
And hopefully me to
Because these horrible feelings
Stick with me like super glue
When i’m gone don’t write about me
You already did in red pen across my wrists
– A
I don’t know how to explain it but I will try. It takes a lot to actually get me to feel something and when I do it is usually negative. The negative emotion will be there for like an hour and then it’s gone. I can’t stay mad at people. I want to die because I fear the future and I don’t like myself. If you were to ask me what I felt right now I’d say I didn’t know. I don’t think that is normal. I realize now that it could be the medication I’m on but if I miss a day I end […]
This website is new to me, I’m not entirely sure how I should be formatting it so I’ll just start typing.
I’m very depressed all of the time, I can’t sleep at night anymore at all. I sleep during the day when I finally crash for most of daylight, it wasn’t always like this but has degraded in the years where my depression became more frequent and overwhelming. I have a laundry list of other personality and mood disorders to go with it, nothing seems to change no matter how hard I’ve strived in the past to overcome. I’ve long since given up, accepted this and […]
It’s been a tough few months for me lately.
Some days i hide it well, others, not so much.
Some days I am sat on my own in my bedroom and I feel so low I have no idea where to go or what to do.
I consider whether my next breath is worth taking dozens of times a day.
Some nights i go to sleep and admit to myself that not waking up; well it wouldn’t be so bad.
Sometimes i will try to talk family or friends but they are always seeming so happy that I don’t want to spoil their day so I […]
I need something to keep me going, because anymore I see no point in living. Everyone always meets someone better than me, then I become nonexistent. I’m use to it, I don’t blame anyone, I only blame myself for not being good enough. And yes, I know that people leave our lives all the time but why is it that no one seems to stay in my life? For once, I’d like to feel wanted/needed. But that probably won’t happen, I’ll kill myself long before that day comes.
It has come to my attention that my disease is never going away. It is incurable. I’ve recently talked to a woman that is now 83, who has been on pills for this since she was 18. I’m 16. Never again can i spend the night, spur of the moment. If i miss too many pills they tell me my body will go into shock. That’s nice. I’m worried about my future, can i even have a child? I’ve researched that it may be complicated, depending. I have a higher chance for getting cancer. I have a chance of going blind. All these nice little […]
I have been waiting at the bus stop of a very long time now, waiting for my bus to come.. the assurance that I CAN get on a bus when ever I want without much Baggage gives me some kind of relief.
This is basically how my day goes. I don’t really get sound sleep during the night, its pretty much disturbed and when ever I wake up in between, during that little time when your sleep gets disturbed and you fall back asleep, I could only think about CTB.
when I wake up in the morning I am pretty sure that today is the day, an […]
Every day I wake up and go through the same shit, nothing necessarily bad, nut nothing good, ever.
Every time I think something good is gonna happen and make stuff better, it doesn’t, and I just end up feeling worse.
I have a lot of friends, and I’m pretty popular, but every fucking day shit gets worse.
I used to be laidback and funny and outgoing and just a nice fucking person but everyday my patience runs shorter and I’m starting to become so paranoid and I get losses off so fucking easily anymore.
This has been ongoing for the past 6 months and it really hasn’t snapped into […]
every day i hope it will get better. i am an IV heroin user struggling with an addiction much stronger than i thought. i am in tons of trouble with the law. i just violated my probation. i hope that my next shot will be the last. or i hope that i can be strong enough to be the man i have to be and face the time i have over my head and stop running from my problems every day.
i lost the love of my life in march and ever since then my life has been all down hill. i’m a broken man, and […]
It isn’t my intention to hurt anyone, and I apologize in the case that I actually do. Let’s just face it, I’m not cut out for living. I can’t do things right, I’m useless to my parents, I’m only someone to make fun of, and I’m just hated by a lot of people.
My mom, Kathy, she constantly makes remarks proving just how useless I am. For example, we would walk into the Air Force Academy Clothing Sales store, she would see those stupid “My daughter goes to the Air Force Academy†bumper stickers, and she would make the comment: “I wish I could put that […]
I never really had a real passion… the little things here they’re like writing song lyrics the stuff like that running around outside with kids and doing things like that but ive never had a real passion until one day when I picked up the pencil and faded into my feelings and all of a sudden I just started to to write and i rhymed and it all came together so decently…. every since that day ive fallen in love with poetryes I love to write it I love to read it is just a beautiful thing to know that you can poor all your […]