That’s what everyone keeps telling me. Don’t worry **** it will get better it always does. For me i have never had an incident were something gets better. I am 18 years old this is my first post. I have never actually been happy. Until about almost a year ago i met this girl. She is the one. She understood me, she was my kinda girl. She loved me and i still love her. Over the summer i had to move to Alaska. I am still here posting this at 4:45 in the morning cause i have sleeping problems recently. I feel like this girls is […]
Since i was young all i wanted was someone to ‘get me’. Â It sounds so cliche but no one really understood my humor, my thoughts, feelings and reactions so i soon learnt how to hide them. Because it began to be draining, having to fight for every word you say. Trying to back up every opinion you gave. It was much easier to act like i had nothing to say. To be like everyone else.
Then i met him, I couldn’t be fake to him, i tried so hard. But i just couldn’t. For the first time since i was very young, i was acting like […]
I could disappear right now and no one even care to notice that I was gone. I can be surrounded by tons of people and still feel like I don’t belong anywhere. Everyone seems to so much better off without me. Death seems more inviting then life. I’m not good at expressing my feelings, so I keep everything bottled inside. Half of the time I want to tell someone what I’m feeling, but I’m scared they will think I’m insane so I just keep quiet. I feel like I’m just not here at all. If somehow I have disappeared into the world. Lost. There is […]
First post in a while.
I have tagged this with the words “I will survive” somewhat ironically. ‘Cause I won’t.
I am depressed every spare second of the day. I can only fake a smile, and now my friends have started seeing it’s fake. One even stated that my eyes got sadder when I smiled.
But, every single spare second I get, suicidal or self-loathing thoughts come into my mind. I hate myself. I hate this. I hate this reality and I spend so long wanting to leave.
And…sooner or later I will. People can tell me to keep my chin up, to surround myself with loved ones. But […]
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you […]
So this is my story to tell you all….i am an 18 year old girl and when i was younger around age 15 i had the worst things happen to me every day…i got bullied, put down on everything i wanted or did..so one day i finally gave up on everything i took the chain that was hanging from my ceiling fan i decided i would use that to hang myself to get rid of all the pain and feelings of the things that happened..i put the chain around my neck and stepped off the chair, the chain snapped in two and i fell to […]
Dear Jackie, I remember a lot of years you had a lot of issues. I saw the cuts on your wrist.. and when we asked you, you told us they were the cat. I guess I believed you at first but then it came clear. your step father raped you.. you had deliberatley hurt yourself.. I was wrong to say all of the things I said to you in front of people.. I didnt know how hard it was to deal with those things. I truly am sorry.. I now know what its like to feel these feelings.. I know what its like to be […]
As someone who’s survived 3 serious attempts I wish to say that I have no intention of making it through number four. I’ve finally arrived at the conclusion that I’m statistically supposed to be dead by now and it’s not something which makes me feel better. I’ve seen so much pain on my short tour here on Earth. Humanity does little to stoke my optimism, in fact it does the opposite. I’m a vet, I’m mentally unstable, I’m single, I’m unemployed for the fourth year running and I’m almost homeless (I already was for 3 years.) A close friend who I met while being homeless committed suicide via alcohol and prescription […]
For the past two years, my family has struggled with my mom’s addiction towards alcohol. A year ago, she was told that she wasn’t going to be allowed in our house anymore unless she got help. And she did shortly after. But after awhile, it started again. The drinking, the yelling, the pain, everything. We all knew, my dad, my sister, and I. She, of course, denied it.
About ten days ago, she was served divorce papers from my father. I was on his side, due to the fact that I was hurt, embarrassed, terrorized. She hadn’t realized all the pain she’s caused me for the past two […]
We all come with baggage of insecurities, fears, shortcomings, emotions. We all feel, that’s what makes us Human. But…some of us are born with something extraordinary, an ability to feel a lot stronger. It’s a gift and a curse. When we are happy, others can’t comprehend how happy, but when we are engulfed by darkness, we feel miserable enough to die. I speak from the inside perspective, and it really isn’t easy to live with. Sometimes, I look at the sky from somewhere high up, and am ready to reach for the heaven and jump. Other days, I feel so powerful, like i can do […]
Please just give me a Chan Marchall eulogy
If I was ever anything at all, it’s all breaking news to me
Breaking down in a rage, just to apologise
It’s really so strange watching all these strangers sigh
It feels like I’m living through my last days every day
On your strongest of days, you couldn’t make me feel any less insane.
Wish the ongoing theme about me, wasn’t “He’s just crazy”
Wish I knew safety
Wish nothing phased me
Wish I felt more than just feelings of unrest
Wish the darkness didn’t cloud me
Wish I wasn’t an emotional wreck
—
I don’t think I’ll be able to relate to any song more than […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I feel so overwhelmed, I want out. My family never listens, so much fucking aggression. Everything is my fault. I want it to stop. Im so over my head, I just want someone to listen. I want something in my life that makes it worth it. I’m so sick of the fucking expectations and lectures and screaming!!!! I just want someone to be civil! No one will talk to me, Im fucking alone. They just get angry and yell when I talk about my feelings. I dont have any adequate instruments to cut myself. I feel like i’m welling up with all these ugly emotions, […]
I have gotten nothing but bad news for weeks now. One huge kick to the teeth after another. And it would be difficult for life to throw anything else at me that has not already been done. However, I have done a lot of thinking and have decided that I will NOTÂ just sit here and let all of these people take away my soul, my dignity, my self respect and my life. I am going to make a stand and become more proactive in these problems one at a time untill I reclaim what is rightfully mine. I want my life back. Sitting here […]
Why can I not find the strength to say no to you? Why do I keep letting you in to my life even though I know when you leave it will hurt and destroy me.
Yet again you text me asking to come round and yet again I said yes. I promised myself that I would discuss my feelings and talk to you this time but it didn’t happen. You put on a film and sat there texting all night, whomever it was I don’t know but I caught a glimpse of the message and it hurt me deeply. You then asked if we could go […]
I don’t know about any of this any more. I try not to get into this feelings, into this temptation to end everything but lately it has just become to much. Never have I experienced it this bad, to the point where I actually wake up in the morning extremely disappointed and wishing that God would have finally answered my prayers and just taken me.
I try hard for others going through this and I tell them to keep strong, just to hold on but look at me! I can’t even listen to myself! I can’t even hold on, It’s like everything I once had just […]
Hi my name Is Emily and I’m 15 years old. I was diagnosed with depression about 7 months ago. My life hasn’t been the same since. I was dealing with my sexuality, paranoia, anxiety, OCD, school,anger problems and cutting. This all led to my horrible depression. I was hospitalized around Christmas time because of a strangling attempt. I spent Christmas and New Years Eve in the hospital where I stayed for 18 days. Afterwards I started going to an outpatient day program for kids and teenagers with emotional problem called the CDU which stood for Children’s Day Unit. There i met many good friends especially one. Her […]
My “What if?” turned into “Should I?”. Then that “Should I?” turned into “When should I?”. Soon after that, “When should I?” turned into “How should I?”. It all starts with one thought. That one thought drew in so much pain. When suicide becomes an option, it’s suddenly the only thing we see. It narrows our thoughts to only suicide.
Then your feelings start to become dangerous. But you don’t want anyone to know, right? So you lie. You lie about your feelings. You lie behind your smile. You lie to yourself. All we want is to be happy. Sometimes we can’t remember the last time […]
Life was always hard on me, from the day I was born.. with an alcohlic father who had abandoned me and my mother when I was 2 and a mother who’s hobby is to blame me for everything and yell at me.. Really no one to care for me at this age. I was always alone and I tried my best to always get out of the house as much as I could because why would I stay there..
When I got older and there had been more yelling towards me, neglect, and beatings.. I even remember one time when i was in grade 2 and […]
Ive tried to tell myself that it was just a phase, for the fact that it is common for a teenager of the female gender to develop feelings, or in my case, fall in love, with their male best friend. And since I run every feeling and thought underneath a “Logic” magnifying glass, I’ve been able to coax myself into believing that when I fell in love with my best friend at the age of 15 it was because of the fact that we had known each other for so long before we were teens, that the reason that he was my first kiss is […]