Tag:

feels

Mysterious Misery

by KissOfDeath 8/11/2015

written by KissOfDeath

It’s mysterious,
the day you change,
suddenly feelings are engulfed by darkness,
and it feels as if you’re carrying a darker shadow than usual.

You wonder if people notice,
but you don’t think they can,
until you get that one person who says “Why are you so different all the time now?”
and you realize that everyone has noticed,
they’ve just been too polite to say anything.

You curse yourself,
but how could this be your fault?
This isn’t something you wanted,
this isn’t something you can change.
You swallow down the pills,
that numb your brain, feelings,
yourself.
To please you parents, your family, your […]

8/11/2015 1 comment

Smash my head with hammer. Not just once. Keep doing it.

by pichu 8/9/2015

written by pichu

This is 2nd my post. I am not suicidal right now. But it still feels worse.

Yesterday I took the knife pressed it’s sharp end on my wrist. It didn’t cut. But it was the closest I came to hurting myself. Today I want to hurt myself but I don’t have the courage. I hope when I cut myself, the little cut will open and all the frustration and negative things go outside. There’s too much dark content inside me, that needs to get out.

Is it good that I think that cutting is better than suicide. Can cutting can relieve me off this desperation or whatever […]

8/9/2015 2 comments

I can’t stand another second

by disgusting 8/7/2015

written by disgusting

It’s getting close to that. I should have killed myself already. The guy I love wants every woman in the world and all I want is him. And he might take off to go far out west where he said his dad’s been telling him to go live because the laws are the most lenient on people in his situation. He said it just got worse here making it more impossible for him to have a place to live. I do agree it’s rediculous. But it kills me. I can’t even touch him or hold him. I can’t live without him. He’s everything to me. […]

8/7/2015 4 comments

Half person

by thejocobaby 8/7/2015

written by thejocobaby

I feel like a half person. I feel totally incomplete and fake. I am living life, waiting for the next day, waiting for happiness. I feel so fake. I am at a job that hasnt really started yet, all we’re doing is training. And i feel like everyone there feels things, has energy. I want that. And im in a relationship where i feel selfish because im not sure i actually want him, i think maybe i just want a person to listen to me or to talk to. Im in love with my buddy who i hook up with sometimes and who loves me […]

8/7/2015 1 comment

Test results

by jadedkeizy 8/6/2015

written by jadedkeizy

Took a personality disorder test and these were the results. Here: http://similarminds.com/cgi-bin/newpd4.pl

Paranoid
||||||||||||||||||
79%
50%

Schizoid
||||||||||||||||||
72%
40%

Schizotypal
||||||||||||||||||||||
100%
56%

Antisocial
||||||||||||||||||||
82%
46%

Borderline
||||||||||||||||||
73%
45%

Histrionic
||||||||||
33%
52%

Narcissistic
||||||||||
31%
40%

Avoidant
||||||||||||||||||||||
98%
48%

Dependent
||||||||||||||||||
76%
44%

Obsessive-Compulsive
||||||
25%
45%

Paranoid Personality Disorder – individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening; preoccupied with suspiciousness/paranoia. They are stuck between their need for others and their mistrust of others.

Schizoid Personality Disorder – individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings; emotional zombies who stopped feeling due to trauma(s) and/or can’t feel due to organic depression

Schizotypal Personality Disorder – individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior; preoccupied with seeing themselves and/or the world […]

8/6/2015 2 comments

last cigarette ever

by tphg 8/6/2015

written by tphg

Walking back to work today from my lunch break, I started thinking about the piano(keyboard) sitting in my apartment. I’ve had it for a year but have only played with it twice; still on the first couple pages of my 6 week lesson guide. I bought it to fulfill part of the destiny I laid out for myself. When you’re as cowardly as I am, suicide is nothing more than a silent longing, and so I fully expect myself to reach old age.

If and when I do make it to gray hair and wrinkles, I want to be away from society and on a farm. […]

8/6/2015 10 comments

“Did you really wanna die? No one commits suicide because they want to die. Then why did they do it? Because they wanna stop the pain.” – Tiffanie DeBartolo

by Dusty96 8/5/2015

written by Dusty96

Found this quote and thought of it to be very true. I’m done. I’m sorry mom, dad, and brother but I need to do this. When I get the chance I’m hanging myself. I have no motivation to get a job, start a career, or just live in general. Nothing appeals to me in life. I’m a broken soul with no home here. I have parents that love me and I have a roof over my head and I should be grateful for that which I really really am but I don’t want it. I just don’t want to be here anymore. The depression hasn’t […]

8/5/2015 5 comments

Introspection Alone

by PopsicleJokes 8/4/2015

written by PopsicleJokes

I’m going to try to not make this as long as it was going to be before.

To summarize my problem: I have spent every day of my life almost all the time thinking about why I do what I do and how I feel about any given thing. Imagining every experience I can and trying to gain and understanding of how everyone else feels about anything. All I have ever wanted in life, as many people do, was someone who saw value in me.

The problem is because I have such an insanely high level of understanding for other people, they can’t trick me at all. […]

8/4/2015 2 comments

Limbo

by LIMBOSOUNDS 8/3/2015

written by LIMBOSOUNDS

I didn’t want to be this way, I didn’t ask for it. I have such a fortunate life but i feel so empty , so hollow. I’m wasting what was given to me but what can i do. Oh god I’m falling apart, WHATS WRONG WITH ME !! How can i unsee it ?! All the suffering in the world, the fucked up parts of human nature. Everyone seems to be completely oblivious to it. It;s everywhere though , and my old argument the the small good things outweighs the bad is beginning to crumble. Because that is a fantasy. In this life, the quiet guy doesn’t get the girl, the hero doesn’t save the world and nobody finds happiness. […]

8/3/2015 3 comments

Feelings

by thegirlwiththecinderblockgarden 7/29/2015

written by thegirlwiththecinderblockgarden

It’s really hard to describe my feelings at the moment, and I don’t have a fucking clue what’s going on anymore.
Things have been a little better recently, I guess. I’m mainly just tired, which my mum keeps nagging me about, because I shouldn’t be this tired, apparently. Maybe I should just tell her that ‘tired’ means ‘sad’.
My best friend has gone on holiday for three weeks and it feels like she’s been gone too long already, when she left two days ago. She’s the only one that talks to me, so I feel pretty much alone.
I have a shit load of summer […]

7/29/2015 0 comment

really effing depressed

by tphg 7/28/2015

written by tphg

I got frustrated watching the Sopranos last night because the characters were acting stupid. My anger at these fictional people once again reminded me of how empty my life is. I recently came to the realization that I don’t actually have any friends. My co-workers only care about what I have to say if it’s entertaining and won’t hang out with me after hours. The friends that I do see in my spare time only ever want to do stuff once every 3 or 4 months. The guy that I considered my best friend is little more than an acquaintance. I’ve told him so much […]

7/28/2015 10 comments

Strange brain bubbles?????

by alonelybird 7/28/2015

written by alonelybird

I get the weirdest sensation in my brain if I don’t take my pills for about 2 days (like now). It feels like there’s like a mini Explosion in my brain or some kind of bubble rolling around up there, it’s quite surreal.
Does anyone know what this could be?

7/28/2015 3 comments

Damn Irony

by T3mplar 7/28/2015

written by T3mplar

I dont honestly know why im writing here for everyone to see, its not the kind of person i am to seek attention from anyone and that’s not really my intent. Ive had depression for majority of my life id say ever since high school with 3 attempts on my life however since then ive for the most part repressed as much as i could. I think im writing this literally to scream out my thoughts and how im feeling in the moment now and its just this overwhelming sense of helplessness and failure.

The Irony of this post is that i ‘should’ be okay, ive […]

7/28/2015 0 comment

better mood

by nomorepain461 7/27/2015

written by nomorepain461

my mind isnt racing, and it feels nice. i think alot of my problems are indeed mental illness. im working on taking my meds consistently, and also getting my health issues worked on also. But i realize that my mood swings, racing mind, and all that is a part of mental illness that i refused to acknowledged. I chose to hopefully be a high functioning bipolar person (and keep working on my health issues). i hope this mood stays. it is such a relief. (i still miss my libido though).

7/27/2015 0 comment

cutting

by sulger 7/25/2015

written by sulger

so i started to cut myself. My sister found out and wanted to talk to me. She asked me why do i do it and i couldnt tell her…i couldnt tell her that the pain from cuts makes me forget about my mental pain, it also kind of feels good. i just told her “i dont know” and kept quiet. I promised her not to do it anymore, but i couldnt keep that promise. Instead, I now have scars on my legs. Much deeper scars. and it helps.

7/25/2015 4 comments

I just want to die already

by Laina 7/25/2015

written by Laina

I wish I could just die already. I’m so sad all the time and I know that there is no way to escape it anymore. It feels like there’s this animal that lives in my stomach that eats every spark of happiness away. Any emotion at all is torn to pieces and all that is left is this shitty body.

I already walk around like a zombie, everyone knows it. I can hear people saying it behind my back. They treat me as if I’m a bomb; and time is slowly ticking away. What hurts me is that they’re completely right, and I am looking forward […]

7/25/2015 1 comment

I like the dark

by unlovedgiant 7/25/2015

written by unlovedgiant

There is nothing around me
Of interest.
No shapes, no sounds. It’s all
A blur.
The only thing I trust now is
Darkness.
Pain constant in my side, just…
Hurt.

My life feels doomed, forever
Empty.
I need help coming back to
Life.
I forgot what it’s like to feel
Happy.
The pain, it cuts like a
Knife.

Memories have been long gone;
Forgotten.
Why would I try to remember all
My fears?
They still plague me, haunt me
Even then.
I like the dark. Now no one can see
My tears.

7/25/2015 1 comment

Hurts

by thehusk 7/22/2015

written by thehusk

Round and round it all goes in my head. I don’t think I can live a meaningful life. And that hurts. So I think I want to end it. But that would destroy my family, and I can’t do that to them. So I’m left with this pain. Which just feels……unbearable. And I can’t think of anything that will make it stop. I would cry, but it doesn’t help.

So, this pain, for the rest of my life. It seems to get worse as I get older, and further away from a time when I had hope.

I guess the only question is how I want to […]

7/22/2015 1 comment

umm.. a little announcement?

by anotherfailure 7/21/2015

written by anotherfailure

Ever since this early year, i have this goal to inspire people and be inspired. I want to help people as many as i can, because i know how it feels like to be helpless. I want to emphatise for them, and it is also strangely a way for me to cope with my problems.

I found this website and i thought, hey this is perfect for me, i can safely tell my insecurities and what a major fucked up i am, and i can support people although they may not notice.

I want to inspire people and clearly that goal has not been reached yet, afterall […]

7/21/2015 2 comments

I need help

by fireballtornado 7/18/2015

written by fireballtornado

I really hate to burden people with my problems, but I need some serious advice on what to do.

I’ll start with the first of two things I am going to cover in this. A few weeks ago, I went to the school nurse and I got diagnosed with severe anxiety. They said that they were going to get CAMHS involved. However, I seriously think I have depression as well, as I seriously feel as though everyone would be better off without me and that I’m just a burden to everyone.

I also think about killing myself everyday, and think of various ways to do so. However, […]

7/18/2015 1 comment

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