He’s stood by my side through my depression, went above and beyond, more than anyone else would ever even think about. He stayed with me after my last attempt and tried to get me help. I can’t explain how much i owe him. Now though I’m nothing more than a burden. He see’s me as a parasite and i can see it in his eyes when he’s angry hed love nothing more than to squash me like one. Or if i just dropped dead everything would be ok for him, everything would be better. I’ve been on meds for a year now and they have […]
Humans are very bad at making decisions. And I’m no exception. Even though I haven’t decided weather or not I will go for the big and final exit or not, I’m already on my way. Unconsciously, I’ve already started to wither. Smoking is obviously bad and sometimes I wonder if I’m going to get lung-cancer one day. The lung-cancer part doesn’t scare me – but the fact that I couldn’t care less, really freaks me out.
That’s one of me biggest problems now days; I simply don’t care. I don’t care if won’t graduate, I don’t care if my pets gonna die and I don’t care if […]
I had my daughter when I was 21, and her dad left when she was three. From then on, it was just her and me. Over the years, as she got older, she and I became best friends, and I sort of just let my other relationships die. It was easier. I’m awkward, and relationships aren’t easy for me. With her, it was. I feel like I kind of grew up with her…well, as much as I’ve grown up. We had a lot of fun. She was this bright light in my otherwise very dark life.
Last summer, I met this guy. He was younger than […]
I am neither a black or white sheep, in terms of how extreme a person I am.
White sheep are the normal people, who have their daily struggles but usually they come out on top. Some of them have a good life, some of them bad – but most have a life that they feel is fulfilling and meaningful – spouse, house, career, car, kids – it’s all been done before but doing it yourself feels so different. You make your own life and you are relatively content, maybe even happy. Maybe a few bad thoughts now and then, when it gets to the lowest point […]
You normal people do not know how it feels to be different.
It’s like being lost in a dark forest, surrounded by a heavy fog. You sometimes see lights casted behind the fog, but only barely. You tried to follow the lights, but even if it is leading you to walk in circle, you could only keep on walking.
No one hear you scream. No one hear you cry.
You thought you have reached the end. In fact it is only more darkness.
You normal people sometimes give us positive feedback, give us hope, but most of the time you found us strange, weird.
I am confused. I don’t know […]
Tryed the rope around my neck and slowly go Down in knees. Just to try how it feels. Im scared for What happens next? I get dizzy and then stand up again. How long Will it take to be unconsious? Im not from US so sorry for Any spelling mistakes.
I always have this urge, to hurt myself 1 way or another. But it’s always in my mind.
Before I sleep, I’ll imagine falling off the stairs, or even getting some mildly serious disease, enough to the hospital. On worse days, this’ll morph into funeral services for my own, or just methods in which I die and there are people around me.
Is it meant to be this way? This is my way of dealing with life? It feels so wrong, yet it sparks a feeling of warmth, love, peace and a sense of fitting in.
It it might seem superficial, but it’s my own way, right? It’s […]
I always considered Robin Williams an “original” comedian. Simply meaning he was one of the comedians I saw mostly in the movies I watched growing up. (Jim Carrey, Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, etc.) I always admired these men and have actually hoped to meet them.
I remember being so depressed, and so lost in my life, mind, body, and soul. I had been thinking of death.. actually HOPING for death. I would imagine things and imagine the peace I would probably feel. Around this time I watched What Dreams May Come, and it gave me a better understanding of suicide (even if it is a fictional story) and surprisingly […]
“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown ”Pagliacci” is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor…I am ”Pagliacci”.”
Im isolating myself more and more for every day that passes. I feel completly, and utterly alone. This is something I feel I need to do- to minimize the damaged for the once I love. I have had no contact with any of my friends during the summer… and well, Im planning on giving them the cold shoulder once I get back to school. Distans is key to break as few hearts as possible I do belive.
But hey,if anyone feels like talking im all up for it. It’d be nice have a conversation that last more then a few words.
I’ve made a facebook, where im […]
I’m new here, just made an account. Anyway I’m a 22 year old guy. I was recently diagnosed with epilepsy and that has been having my depression worse then ever. I’ve been depressed for my whole life. I honestly can’t think of the last time I was truly happy. I don’t think I ever have been. Life is too much right now. I don’t want to keep doing this because staying alive feels like it’s killing me. The non stop doctors apointments have ruined my sad at best social life. Never had lots of friends. Always only had two or three but they were the […]
Around this time last year, things were going so well. Was working towards a job, was feeling positive and got a real pretty girlfriend.
I didn’t really get the job in the end, I felt really shitty, and me being schizo I went on a rampage took it all out on my gf, and lost her too…
I was so fkin heartbroken I vowed to myself I wouldn’t be with anyone else until I had my feet on the ground…
I use to be quite good with women and I kind of just threw it all in the drain on purpose cuz of the break-up and how it […]
Okay, so this is in reference to this thread: http://suicideproject.org/2014/08/a-big-hug-to-you-guys-and-a-suggestion/
A lot of people I talked to expressed their willingness to enter such a place, where they could actually forget about the pain, even for a moment. But there was one guy who expressed his reservations over this (and quite valid I’m afraid). You could simply read the comments in the above linked thread and let us know what you think?
By default, any topic in this category would also be visible on the homepage to everyone, irrespective of whether they’re interested to look into this or not. They could feel while everyone else is happy, they’re not. […]
Hi, everyone. I just joined this site. I just NEED to tell someone about my feelings. I’m 15, male, and ready to die. I haven’t lived a hard life, so some might find me selfish, Whatever. I’ve been fighting my depression for four years now, I had counseling once, and I felt better for a while. But it didn’t last. I’m ugly, boring, and not always a good person outside, but hidden deep within myself is the heart of a saint. And this cold, dark world has chewed me up, spit me out, and pissed on the remains. My family is a good one, My […]
How come when I set the goal to kill myself and begin working towards it I have this feeling of drive and passion, but when I set any other goal and work towards it, it feels like a waste of time.
I’ve begun taking inventory of everything I own. I’m building a simple website to list everything so I can sell it. The idea is instead of placing a million classified ads, I just post a few and link back to my site for a complete list of what’s for sale. The money earned should help me correct my finances. I don’t want to leave any […]
Very bad day. Holding on but its fucking excruciating.I feel burdensome and taxing to my kids… I can feel every emotional crime iv comitted or been the victim of inside my chest ,and I can see the bloody trail of abandonment ive left in my wake .If only.if only..IF ONLY ……….but theres no one for me anymore,and what right do I have to even imagine I can have another chance. Ive thought that once th kids are both in college,that I could be with someone again-but its delusional of me.Ive used all my chances up..I just want to walk out the door and into the […]
I hate how awful my brother makes me feel. I hate how I have to smile for my mom. I hate how my brother is like my mom and gets easily mad. I hate how I do the same to my little brother and have to try to stop myself. I hate how I do the same things all day. I hate when it’s my mom’s off days because she is always watching to make sure I act happy. I hate how my mom hates the real me. I hate how she loves this mask, this facade. I hate how even on here I’m just […]
Despite my best efforts, i think ive become my father. when i look at my son, i get torn up inside because he will feel the same way about me that i do my father. i love him, but he is homeless, and will likely stay that way. he has mental illness, though he will never admit it. I have mental illness and health issues. im black, and i kinda wish i wasnt. i cant bare to see my family witness me become homeless too. im trying not be, to find and hold down a job, just like my father is trying to get a […]
You know, I am trying to limit myself to one post per day on here, but something is bothering me. Well… not bothering. But I have something to share.
I never used to get self harm – even when I was doing it myself, but I didn’t think it was self harm until about a year ago. I never… understood why people did it. To get away? Because they hate themselves? Boredom? Distractions? I don’t know…I still cannot comprehend why I and others do it, because hurting yourself when you are already hurting is… nonsensical. But we do it anyway. We do it for the […]
Sometimes I think I was born suicidal. No idea whether or not that’s actually possible, but I was certainly born … damaged. I’m choosing my words carefully, I don’t know how much I want to say yet.
But yes. Born damaged and then damaged a whole lot more in various ways.
I made one serious attempt many years ago and one that turned out farcical a few years ago and now … now I am sure of many more things and so I have some leeway, when the damage allows it.
Perhaps I will have time to write the longest suicide note in the world and then, I […]