Its happening again. can someone help me. I feel that peak, that moment approaching again. but this time the decision has already been made. I wont be brought to that point again and not go through with it. I will ignore any signals this time because those signals will be like the ones from b4- a fake illusions to buy time for right now. Im very sad…very dark…i dont want nothing but a solution as to how to do this quietly and quickly. I want to plan it properly. Start a fight or some reason for me to be gone for a few days, I […]
Had a rough few days. I’m so drained, and still have things to take care of. Crying every now and then. Music by my side, stuffed animal by my side. I do not hunger and I do not thirst. I just sit here like a brick as I keep moving forward. I read a an old posted link and It made me realize I am not as good as I thought. While other want to fight but don’t know how I’d just like to get away from everything. Away far away. I don’t know where that is. But it’s what I want. And just like […]
Once I had a dream that I had just made an attempt to hang myself and I was looking in the mirror and there was a blue and purple bruise around my neck. A little more than a week ago I made an attempt and I looked in the mirror after I cut the noose off and my face looked awful. My normal coloring didn’t return until a few days later — I had to cover up with makeup and even then it looked bad.
That last attempt was the closest I have ever been to dying. I passed out and my coming to was accidental, […]
i feel so emotionally numb last few days, these are the times i would usually cut but have managed not to. it feels like a thick cloud is hanging over me so i am in misery yet i am still numb, id rather be in pain, i would rather feel something, anything atall.
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you […]
For 3 years now I have really liked this guy. (gonna call him Bob) I got his number at a party and started texting him. We wrote notes to eachother, went to movies, and the last few months he would come over so we could hang out. He considers us to be best friends, and tells me how crazy he is over this girl he works with. I want him to be happy, even if that means im not in the picture. But listening to him talk about other girls kills me and im too scared to tell him… Â I broke up with my first […]
I have batteled depression since I was a teen, I am 31 now. I just started really getting treatment and tring to stick with it over the past year or two. I have a wonderful truley caring psychiatrist and am on a number of meds as she tries to find something that works.  In the mean time suciadal thoughts and idealations are a part of everyday life, I just want to be shut out and isolated from everyone so far that my mind keeps putting thoughts into my heads as to ways to kill myself. And I have tried, twice as a teen and twice […]
How does one cope with the monotony of life. Dead end jobs. Pointless relationships. Living for the weekend..
Is it really fair to say I want to commit suicide, if I feel like I’ve never really lived at all.
I thought giving up smoking drinking and drugs, while taking on exercise and healthy eating would improve my life but no. The little joy I had left in my life is gone.
I start work in a few hours, haven’t slept in a few days thinking about this. Is tonight the night. I’ve picked up the knife so many times already and pussied out, but this time I can […]
DON’T END YOUR LIFE , DON’T GIVE UP , REACH OUT TO ME.
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†[…]
All my life all I have ever wanted to do was fit in and make friends but for some reason it just could never happen. I apparently scare people with my looks. I naturally look angry but anyone who talks to me more then 5 minutes knows that I am not angry. Lately I have been sad and angry. I got my 1st kiss a few days ago but it was nothing.  There is a girl who is like my cousin but she is not (Uncle married her mom, they got divorced.) and I made a bet with her.  I won the bet and she kissed […]
i am trying to stop self harm, i havent self harmed for a while like 3 weeks but i keep finding myself desperatly wanting to feel the sting of a cut and see the blood come out, haveing it hurt for a few days when my clothes rub against it to remind me im still alive and seeing the cuts to show myself im fucked up.
I am really struggling at the moment. My suicidal tendencies are so strong, I am so de-sensitised to the idea of killing myself, that it is really only my two sons who keep me anchored. When even that becomes not enough, I go into hospital, where I am now – again – the fifth time in 2 1/2 years, and I’ve already been in now for five weeks this time. I just looked at my progress chart, and basically there has been none – a few blips where I got better for a few days, and then I drop down again.
I am just loosing […]
Hello, this is my story.
Pre 5/5/2004 I was just a normal person, i had bipolar but i was diagnosed as a child and managed it with hardcore meditation my whole life. Other than that my life was normal. nothing traumatic ever happened to me. I never lost anyone. I was attending college. I had a beautiful girlfriend. I was smart, i had the whole world in front of me.
On the 5/5/2004 i woke up in my GF’s college house, it was cold and i was shivering. I rolled over and Jane was not there. I got up and saw here keys and phone on the […]
Is it really selfish to kill oneself because you’ve had a lifetime of misery? Why is it ok to force someone to withstand many numerous years of unending misery to save a few people a few days or weeks of pain? I am a suicide survivor myself. I was 15 when my mother took her own life, and yes, I have remained angry with her for the last 13 years, but that was different. She had a 15 year old child and a 6 year old child she was responsible for. I have no children whatsoever, and don’t intend to have any. I recently tried […]
A few days ago i was diagnosed with bipolar not otherwise specified. my medication that my pyschiatrist is only enhancing my mood swings. its horrible. i feel like im going crazy and im a ticking time bomb. i almost threw objects at my sisters at two different times; today and yesterday. its getting really bad.
I’m so sick. Everyone wants me dead. Why do I keep trying to find someone to hold on to? Noone will ever care about me. I can’t keep the happy face anymore, it’s just too much. Everytime that I show someone the agony inside they’re like “Run for the hills”. I will always be alone. Noone could ever love a stupid loser like me. I thought that I could help if I would talk to people around here. But how could a fuck up like me ever help anyone when I can’t even help myself? Everyone is going to be better without me. Nobody will […]
My wife of 7 years left 3months ago and it still feels like the first day.she has a new bf wich she says shes in love with now.that
realy fucked me up.realy bad.the thought of them holding hands or kissing kills me and the thought of them makeing love makes me physicly ill i want to vomit.each day i pray all day to die and i even try about a month ago.thay put me in the hospital for about a week and i had to lie and tell them i wouldnt try again so thay would let me out.we have 4 year old son […]
Been emailaing back and forth with the smaratains past few days been really helpful and they have asked me some challenging questions but It still hasnt stopped me wanting to end my life. I feel so selfish and pathetic for wanting to do this
I haven been here in sometime, mostly because i found and amazing guys who gives me a reason to live and fights for me at moments when i feel like giving up. But as you guys know it life cant be great for people like us things always get screwed up for us. My mom hates my boyfriend and has gone to the extend of telling me that i have to pick between her or my boyfriend and if i see my boyfriend again i would stop being her daughter and that i might as well just kill her because thats what im doing by […]
I withdrew all my money from the Bank.
I have spent the last few days giving it away.
Trying to achieve the mindset that the time has come.
I tell myself be brave you will be missed by none. The banality of my existence tells me I am making the only decision I can.
That life can be so painful. I wish for a life I was never given. So I say I no longer want this one. I have had enough. Some of the stories I have read here
resonate so loudly.
How is it some can fly so high, whilst others suffer and […]