Maybe I want to give up fighting because things are broken that can’t be fixed hope can drive a man insane suicide seems sweet wile life is rough a razor across the flesh can relieve so much pressure watching the blood drip into the sink can look like art work maybe iv got used to living in the darkness and dying is more entertaining then living maybe dying early is my destiny
Full moons around the corner and my sleep is getting worse
getting angry, 45 days sober, on house arrest in the middle of nowhere, court in November, could be looking at jail again
But I’m not looking that far. I’ve set a date for my suicide, if I still feel like it in June I’m going to kill myself.
started working again. Forgot how much I hate the farm, the hours suck, pay is horrible, work with a boss that hates me. Step dad’s suck balls. Real dads forgot about me. Chronic pain, need a hip replacement.
Wish I wasn’t an alcoholic, a good drunk would be awesome right […]
I feel as if it’s only a matter of time before I try another attempt I can’t take being trapped in my own head anymore I think depression is a battle u win if u got the motivation to not give up I’m tired of fighting and nothing going right I literally have no motivation to save my self no more I always sabatage things and I hate myself of that I don’t understand why I do it some thing break that you can’t fix and having to live with the mess after I can’t take the pain anymore
God if i had a method I’d join the recently departed. Im just tired of fighting for nothing. The light at the end of the tunnel is broken. I know someone here recently gpt hit by a train and survived. I believe within the next 10 to 15 years suicide will be the number one cause of death. The world is to much mentally. Humans were literally less stressed when we were being chased by bears. Think about that. When life was more primitive. I cant find the TED talk that backs that up. They compared our cortisol levels to that of tribesmen who live […]
I can’t do this anymore. I keep getting beaten down and its exhausting. I’m tired. People keep telling me that “you’re so beautiful” or something along those lines, but they can’t see what’s inside of me; inside I am blackened and crumpled and there is only a faint glow of life but it’s about to go out. I have been struggling on my own for 3.5 years now and I can’t do it anymore. I’ve been crying out for help but my “friends” either don’t care and walk away or they don’t know me well enough to recognize my pleas. For a little while I […]
Reaching out, maybe I’ll get some insight or relate with someone.
To start, I don’t want to commit suicide. I would however welcome the embrace of death. So if it must come by my own hands, it’s something that will take time to build courage.
See, I don’t really want to die. I’m just failing to see another option. I’m trapped, currently. Bound in captivity. Not a situation I can fight through. I’ve been fighting for years. Though I may win a battle here and there, it’s clear I’m losing the war. I can’t escape, or run away. There are many dependant on me. So what will […]
Edit: I wrote this the other night when I was drunk, guess it’s just posted now…
In my current drunken state…we’re not as different as we feel. The people who we feel are far more “normal” as us are fighting similar battles as us. I’m sure I will feel far different as a sober me, but just know that the thoughts that bring us close to suicide are actually the same thoughts that bring us closer to others. In your moments of weakness and loneliness, try to have faith that you’re not as f-ed up and as alone as you feel….distant love to all <3.
Listening to the calming yet only few sounds I can make while playing guitar. Fighting the tears and thoughts from my memories lastyear. The ex I want to think about, but shouldn’t. Just keeping the watery eyes at bay. Strumming notes and listening to simple sounds.
I am dying inside and still feel like dying in the literal fashion
However I have decided, I am not to take my own life, I’m going to go back to the Militia in Syria. I was happy there. I left a life I love for a woman that emotionally tortured the shit out of me for nearly a year. If I die there then so be it.
Things were going well, her parents had talked some sense into her, She got the Christmas Presents I sent (over $2k worth) my house was getting ready for sale (I am pulling it off the market in the next […]
I get this strong sensation quite often. An emptiness of positivism, a desperation, and a need to hide and stop thinking and feeling. Several things trigger it. But very few can make it disappear, and those are never the same. Like if the damaged part of me is always defeating the one that is trying to feel better. Little victories that wont sum up. You see, it’s as if I wanted the damaged part to win, but then I don’t know where the other one comes from. So the reality is the fighting one is stronger than I thought. But this battle is taking away […]
I can’t just run away from my problems. I want to.. I was looking for an easy out.. A friend’s, a relative’s, maybe even trying to leave on my own and try to make it. But I can’t, I have to do this.. life, the hard way. I have to struggle, I have to fight, but I’m so tired, exhausted. I want to quit, I want more than anything to just leave everything behind, get to things and just go. But I can’t. I’m not stuck, I could do those things and run.. But I can’t. I have to work, claw, crawl, probably cry along […]
Recently I have come to the conclusion that the thing causing my life to be shit is not some kind of exterior force, bad luck or me being the victim of circumstance, it’s me. This conclusion even relates to my shitty experience in my early school days. I’m talking about times that I didn’t fit in and was bullied. Bullies don’t pick at random who to bully, they go for particular types of personalities, all these things originates from within the victim themselves.
btw I’m not justifying bullying, I think it’s a terrible, terrible thing. But in my negatives trains or thought I have arrived at […]
It’s ironic for me to post here. I do not consider myself a suicidal person. Yet i have made the decision to end my life. So how could a person want to commit sucide and yet not be sucidial? Because deep down i wish i could live my hopes and dreams to get out of bed each morning see the world, delve into the debts of the mystery of the cosmos and kiss the ones i love. A person who is depressed usually loses the desire for all this. But sadly i have not, i want it more than ever. Why sadly? Because the only […]
Hello, this is my first post on this site, I’ve seen a few on here and can feel so much of what others have written. I am at the point of trying to figure out what the f the point really is. We live in a very judgmental world, eveyone has opinions of what they think is right and wrong and try and force it on you. I’m tired of seeing all the terrible things we as “people” do to each other, and I do count myself in that too, I am guilty at times of passing judgment also, I try and catch […]
Hey loves. So I haven’t been on here in what seems like forever- and I see so many new faces! (Hello new faces:)
I don’t know if I’m coming back or if I’m just popping in- probably just popping in. Before I talk about me, I wanna say that I hope everyone is doing, at the very least, ok. Of course, I hope for adventurous magnificence for all of you, but I know that’s not always reality. Life, emotions, people, combinations of all three- they can constantly stand in your way to happiness. But I’m here to tell you that you deserve to push negative […]
so my ex and I were together for a year, we did drugs all the time and I ended up in a psychosis with so many delusions that I broke up with her thinking I was being followed among many other things. I’ve wasted a lto of money, I have a shitty atar and I constantly feel like I’m fighting my own mind, each day is a tremendous struggle. it’s my brithday in 3 days and I’ll be turning 19. my ex has cut me out of her life completely, calls me a stalker and talks bad about me. My current girlfriend does not make […]
I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder since I was 16, so 16 years now. I accepted I would have good times and bad times. I accepted I would be dependant on drugs to be okay.
What I didn’t accept was that I would get sick two years ago, to the point where it was either take drugs for my illness, and not for my bipolar disorder, or the reverse. I didn’t think I would be this sick for this long. 7 months ago, I got out of a nasty 2 year relationship. He was awful. But I tried to kill myself because if he couldn’t love […]
I pulled the emergency break on my downward slide. I decided that putting up a decent fight is the least I owe my sons. If things don’t get better, suicide is always there as an option later. So I saw a doctor this morning, and she straight away organised admission to a psychiatric facility for me – and that’s where I’m now. Just unpacked my bag. I am lucky that I have private health insurance, and can use the private mental health system, and as a voluntary patient I’m not locked up. Still, I’m numb and exhausted and just relieved that I will have a […]