It been a long time since I been to this site and posted anything. I feel a lot better now that i left home and have an amazing long distance boy friend . However like the rest of life i still find the problems to keep me up at night.Like the feeling of still being unable to help any one, as i leave home and travel 4 hours up north with no way to get back till the summer i find my brother falling deeper into the darkness, he never had any friends nor a stable life , however he never been a street rat […]
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So fucking sick of being treated like I can’t do a goddamned thing right. All I ever fucking do is try to make your ass happy. I’m supposed to be happy with you. You are my goddamned fiancée! The least you could fucking do is act like everything I fucking do for you is good enough. No all you ever wanna do is *****, and fuck, and drink. Make me feel like shit. It’s not like I’m not already depressed as fuck you’ve gotta tear me down every time I turn around. Tell me I’m fat, call me a *****, fucking yell at me for […]
I’m very, very tired. I can’t live every day debating whether I should live or not – if I continue living, it’ll stay like this. If I die, I don’t have to deal with this. I know you say it’ll get better, maybe it will, I won’t live long enough to find out. For some reason, I can’t feel happy, even though there’s been cheerful people in the atmosphere. I’m very, very tired. Shall I go about eternal slumber?
I’m going to die alone. I’ve known it for quite a while, but it still sucks to admit. It’s not that knowing I’ll never find “the one,” or, more likely, that I’ll push her away, is particularly depressing. If anything, it should be liberating because, no matter what I do, I won’t drag her down with me, which brings me some peace of mind. But it just fucking sucks. I’m twenty one years old and I’m still a virgin. It’s not even that I just can’t find a girl to sleep with me, ’cause that’d be less depressing. One of my coworkers has, on several […]
I just want to die. I feel so tired of everything. I can’t find any reason to live. I feel miserable. I can’t describe how I hate myself.
While my name is Jonas i constantly feel like Jonah from the bible. Stuck in a whale and i try praying but i always find that when i think I’m out it was just mania. My parents never listen to what i say. I think maybe i should be homeless at the shelter just to avoid my triggers. They think I’m tripping on drugs, and i am heavily addicted to DXM. I can’t smoke weed because I’m on probation. Because of me being a fool and hitting my ex for cheating on me. I’ve lost myself and all sense of reality. My family doesn’t believe […]
the only thing that’s been keeping me here so far is my family, and the chance that they would really go through a lot of pain and grief if i died. but lately i find that living for other people is not enough anymore. i’m barely hanging on as it is. each days gets more and more hopeless. more and more i just want to end it, and sometimes i doubt the people in my life would really mourn me all that much anyway.
My husband just wants to hit me. He stays mad at me about everything and somehow it’s all always my fault. I don’t have close friends or family to go to, and women’s shelters only give you 45 days maximum to find a place to live, which isn’t guaranteed, and especially not for someone who hasn’t had a job in a long time because I’ve been busy helping my husband with his failing business and his new job. I have nothing to live for and no hope that I’ll find a job that will make enough that I can take care of myself…If I can […]
I’ve found myself wanting to post something on here at least once a day. I don’t really have anything to add, nothing happened today so I’m just going to put up one paragraph I’ve just written. I’m writing a cumulative note to any and all of my family, comprising of my thoughts leading up to the big sleep. I want them to understand as much as possible.
Enjoy.
“I don’t really know why I’m writing this paragraph, and there is a high probability I’ll delete it once I’ve finished writing it. You see, I’ve taken to just writing, its cathartic for me, but it’s almost like a […]
So we (people on this site) should go find a deserted island to claim as our own. We will need a flag, of course, as per Eddie Izzard, and a thousand other things, but then the rest of humanity doesn’t have to deal with us, and vice-versa. I vote for the name Nutsia, so the inhabitants can be known as Nuts. >:) What do you think? (And today on “Why do emoticons hate me?”…)
tust thinking… Yesterday I had a big conversation with two friends about all what’s going on in my life. It really felt so comforting to talk honestly about my feelings. And I thought about coming out to them, but I just couldn’t.
They’re two of my newest friends. In fact, I still find hard to call them friends, not because of how I feel to them, but because I think they may not see me as one. But they act like really good friends, so maybe I should just stop over thinking things.
It should be easy. They’re open-minded people, I’m too. My old friends know it. […]
i’m in a lot of emotional pain today. the loneliness is what hurts the most. at the risk of sounding ‘whiny’, i feel completely alone. i have no friends. i am not close with anyone in my family anymore. i live with my parents, but i’m even isolated from them, not like they want a closer relationship with me anyway – they’re perfectly glad to keep interactions at shallow surface-level.
all day, every day, i stay in my room with my cat. i have to be on the internet all the time to have even some semblance of connection with the outside world. i hate being […]
I’ve never felt this alone. Day by day I get worse. I don’t no if I should admit myself. Or what. I no I can’t handle being the way I am. I’m not afraid of death it seems quite peaceful. I don’t want my family to find me . last night I took a lot of sleep aid enough to trank a horse.. Unfortunately I woke up this morning , yes. I was angry so angry. So I was determine to find something I wouldn’t wake up from.. And nothing. SSomeone just please give me some advice… Please..
We are on different sides on the globe. She agreed to let me fly to her place for a few days. After that I learned I’m unloved, as usual.
She’s suicidal and have emotional problems. But she has an interesting life and all sorts of exciting experience. I have nothing.
I’m 25 years old and I’ve never been in a long relationship.
I have a stable 9-6 job. I have a master degree. I have good friends and family. I’ve always been a good student, employee, friend, and daughter. I excel in many areas but romantic life.
Don’t fucking ask me to just focus on other areas in life […]
I wish I never meant you. Because if I never meant you, I would never know this feeling that haunts me every day, this sickening feeling that feels like I’m incomplete, lost, missing something. And indeed I am, I don’t have you to call mine anymore, your “hers” and I don’t know which hurts more the things you tell me or the fact that your still with her despite how you feel for me.
When I hear people say “I love you” to their partners I wonder if they actually know what love is, how it consumes every inch of your body and soul, how […]
Sickness comes in so many forms. My sick child sleeping in my lap, my Grandmother who died of her sickness, mental sickness…usually you just can’t find the words to say to fix these things but still you try.
An orange rots from the inside out. The outside may be in pristine condition, but upon cutting it open you may find nothing but mold.
Maybe that’s what’s been happening to my mind. My memory has been getting worse. My desire for life is diminishing even more, if that were possible. I’m starting to care less and less about the risk and consequence of my death. On the outside, however, I am as normal as can be to most people.
Yes, to most people. Other than the person who (sadly) saved me from death during my last attempt, most people involved had put it away, […]
I am 20, almost 21. I have attempted suicide 7 times in my life, from the time I was 7 on. I don’t like human instinct, my body seems to find the right way to stop me from dying or someone that I love shows up and stops. I am supposed to be a business owner for a company my boyfriend wanted to start, but everything is in my name and whenever something he does goes wrong he blames me and lashes out verbally at me. I have tried a bag and belt over my head, sleeping pills, antidepressants, anti anxiety. . . but it […]
I’ll take you back to a place unseen,
Back when I was just wee lil teen,
I know this might seem hard to believe in,
But there’s a side of me ya all ain’t seein’,
Dads never home, nether is my mother
never sees nether ever since they split
growing up in a world so alone and so fragile
Way too many friends, only talked to a few of them,
The rest don’t even want anything to him,
He found a girl when he was just fourteen,
who would have thought it be all a bad dream,
Was going good dating for a solid two […]
”Does it make you sad to know that life is more than who we are?” – GGD
The answer to that, yes. Not because I think my life holds anymore value than the next. We are here as a vapor. We are nothing but a wave in the vast seas. So many waves have already come, and so many more will replace ours. In 1-200 years we probably won’t even be a distant memory. We won’t matter. What’s sadder is knowing I don’t matter now, in the presence. If I did, surely those around me would realize my struggle to find any form of hope in […]