I’ve made so many mistakes. I’m only fifteen, turning sixteen next month and I’ve done so many horrible things. I don’t like to leave my house because I’m not sure who I’ll see and what they think of me. I’ve gone to bars and gotten drunk making a fool out of myself, tried to pick up strangers and people who know me and my family, I’ve done drugs and had sex for money, and to top it all off I got pregnant and got an abortion two weeks ago. I was only six weeks along but I feel so sad whenever I think about it. […]
Tag:
Fool
Well people it’s a cliché that we born to die, but is true we have good or bad moments but always the end is dead, so what is the problem with smoke? What is the problem with uncontroled sex? What is the problem? We will die finally.
We spend all our life trying to find a way to live more years or to be healthy… Life is more than that and maybe thats why we are here in this site screaming and begging to someone’s support and a shoulder to cry, we are a symbol of selfharm because we choose it unconsient.
I know how […]
Controlled by a Masked Man By MissCMF
© Copyright November 2012
I can’t control any move, my head gives up soul comes to prove
The voices chant, the pain begins; I know I will never win
Crashing into tables, causing tears, but no one can know of these fear
When people enter I struggle to stop, act like I’m fine when really I’m not
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If I told people what’s going on, they’ll think that I’m crazy that I don’t belong
Who has a masked man in their heads, who when takes over makes the real me
The voices he uses are the ones […]
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
Every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It’s always darkest before the dawn
And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I’m always dragging that horse around
All of these questions’ such a mournful sound
Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground
When it rains it always brings feelings back to me. I like the rain, no matter how cold it is outside, no matter hot it is. It is dark now and my window is open I am listening to the rain and I am crying. My husband sits in his tv room and readying himself for work. I want to run outside in my underwear and t-shirt, lay on my back on the wet grass and just let the raindrops pelt off my face. But….the embarrassment would be too great for my husband to handle and he’d drag me in scolding me telling me I’m acting like […]
Once, again my life is continuing on it’s downward decent; although this time it is spiraling out of control more rapidly than it ever has before. I can’t do any of this anymore…nor do I really want to. I am tired, of living, breathing, and existing. I feel as if I do not even have a purpose anymore, but instead I am an empty shell that is carrying on the functions of the person that I used to be. No one cares about me, for awhile I thought that maybe for once in my life someone actually cared about me, but alas I was wrong. I was […]
Everyone lied to me…A girl lied that she is different … A man lied that my condition will get better…A adult lied that she wanted me…A friend lied that she needs me…Stop it…Shut the fuck up! You people thinks that I don’t know? I am smarter than you thought I am… Your lies are too obvious for me now…I can’t believe that I used to trust you…I can’t believe that I was such a fool…But I don’t have to care anymore ….I used to be a kind person…But my 2nd personality is gaining control ….That dangerous 2nd personality ….He’s gonna kill you all…Or I will […]
I have a normal life. A mother and family who loves me. And I am so utterly sad. My childhood was a mess of beating and abuse from my schoolteachers. My little brother and best friend died. I crave sympathy and the shock on people’s faces. I do nothing but sit around and feel sorry for myself. I am pathetic, I am a fool, a selfish, ungrateful, self centered loser who cannot commit to anything. I am 15 and I want to die already. My father is whining pile of sh*t that I hate. He is evil and I see him every day. I cut […]
Well, this migh be a long read, but I’ve got to put this somewhere.
I’m 19. All this started as recently as 4 months ago, when my girlfriend of 4 1/4 years left me. She’s at university this year, I’m taking a gap year- but we were in the same year at school etc, and there’s only 3 months separating us in age. She is the single most perfect human being in the world- beautiful, funny, really intelligent. You name it, she’s got it. Everything was going so well for us, or so I thought- I’m going to the same uni as her starting in September, […]
Written about a year ago, I think.
Yes, I suck quite profusely at social interaction. I am a prodigy at making a fool out of myself by saying or doing stupid things. Of course, only when it comes to personal conversations; I can work, I can manage departments, I can go shopping, I might even be able to go to the doctor’s office. Yet, if you ask me how my day went, that’s when the anxiety starts. I might answer, “Okay, I guess. How was yours?” and slowly, but surely, as the conversation progresses, I will get more and more anxious until I wind up fleeing […]
I made a fool of myself last night again. Well, maybe not. Anyway, my best friend was in town and the past 4 or 5 times hes been here I haven’t been able to hang out with him. I was always pretty upset about it, anyway. I finally seen him and went to a little party with him and got reaaaaaally drunk. Tequila. Fucked me right up. And I thought I could handle it this time. Iv’e been truly happy lately. But not last night. I went outside to have a smoke and found a spot where I was alone and my friend followed. I […]
it’s been along time since i came on here. I have many reasons why i didn’t come back here for a while. one of them was because on march 7th, just in time something happened. And after that alot more things happened that made that moment- not so unique anymore. for anyone that’s read my posts before, this one is nothing new- still me typing probably not making any sense i just write as i think i guess.
Im stupid in love, not with him, with the idea of what life should be. I expected it to be a certain way by now, and i expect […]
A mind that asks many questions
A mind mind that realizes there will never be any answers
A pair of eyes that cry in the wrong direction
A red heart longing for affection
I know the truth
And I want my heart to stop beating
For love in another means nothing if your own is slowly depleting
I’ve hated my life and the people who had to be in it
The horrible ones
And my useless mind and it’s emotions
No I’ve done my meditation
And like a band aid it covers over the wound temporarily
And I’ve been in counselling
And few understand I’m rare you see
And […]
Don’t be fool by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I’m afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature to me,
but don’t be fooled.
For God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure,
that confidence is my name and coolness is my gane,
that the water’s calm and I’m in command,
and that I need no one.
But don’t believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface
is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to […]
I wrote my bucket list today. Can’t wait to put it to action! My favourite ones on there?
‘Flip someone off’
‘Tell a girl who is wearing extra-mini shorts that she forgot her pants’
‘Dance in public’
‘Lip-sync a song with vigour, while in public’
Quite excited. Making a fool of ones self is actually very fun when you have the energy.
I come here sometimes just to read. It amazes me that so many young men and women want to harm yourselves. Don’t take this the wrong way because I too started writing because life had become unbearable. I took enough pills a few months ago. that I thought I might finally have made it. The next day I woke up with my husband trying to talk to me. What a fool to put my family through so much pain. For God sake people your problem is you. Get out of your own way and stop being so SELF absorbed! Why not try as hard to find a reason, […]
bad week, worse than most recently, almost lost my mom last Monday, heart issues (i already want to be gone when she goes so i wont have to feel anything on that day) have to go somewhere now, maybe I’ll get lucky and have some fool kill me in an car accident. life and seat belts are useless for me. of course i wont be so lucky, bye.
I made a fool of myself again. I belived someone who said they cared. That I understood him and was so nice. Then I was told that a relationship would nevet be in the cards. I’ve heard the same crap so many times, it’s sad. I must be an awesome friend because everyone of my ex’s wants to stay my friend. I’m hurting so bad. Each time this happens, I feel as if a little piece of me is torn away. I have chronic depression which means even at the best of times, I’m not in the greatest shape. I want to give in and […]
the truth about me is that i try my hardest to be someone im not. if i were to go in school right now wearing what im wearing now (leggings, skirt, sweater) people would beat me up and make fun of me. instead i go in there wearing hollister and fancy rich people clothes. i feel kinda stupid when i walk down the hall, and this girl comes up to me and says this (one example) “you know youd look WAY better with a bag over your head right!?” me: “i dont know..” Girl: “well its true!!!” *walks away laughing with her 5 best friends* […]
Well i just want to vent my anger at you right now
FUCK YOU, HOW ABOUT THAT?
You make me look like a fucking fool two nights in a row. Sitting by my phone all day, refreshing Facebook and calling you. Now your phone is off and i haven’t heard from you all day.
WELL HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY.
But the real pathetic thing is that…. When you finally talk to me next, be it over text or in person i won’t be mad at you. Because you are all i have.
Why are you fucking perfect in EVERY way except this one. You always stand me up and we […]