What the fuck? The other day you were saying you loved me and how much i meant to you, you made me feel wanted, loved accpeted, you brought me out the dumps, my rock. But then things went wierd, you started to ignor me, so i message you “just asking but have i done something wrong?” and then his GIRLFRIEND replies from HIS phone, “This is his gf who thw fuck is tthis” and ofcourse im like, his girlfriend? he said he was single, why is she messaging me, he has my number, why is she asking? So i reply “Who is this” as in […]
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Girlfriend
I dont know where to start.Everyday , before I sleep , I pray to God to take my life.I don wanna live anymore.I want to start with my father.He doesnt care about me , He didnt care about me till today ,btw I am 23.He only thinks money.He gave me little money even he can afford much.For example,in November , I wanted to him to buy me boots because mines were old(I was using them for 5 years).He said ok , and we went to shopping.After we bought them he abused at me hurl.Why does a dad do something like that to his son although […]
I’m the youngest of seven kids. The baby, the brat, the drama queen, the outcast.. you name it, they’ve called me it. Everybody says it’s just because they’re my older siblings and they’re suppose to tease me, but this goes beyond that. They’ve hurt me physically, emotionally, verbally.. Once again, you name it, they’ve done it. I worshiped the ground my second oldest brother walked on. He was my hero and my idol. He spit in my face when his girlfriend came along. He left me with my drug addict mother who let her boyfriend and her ‘customers’ do whatever they wanted to me. She knew, and […]
I still dont see the point in me living my life is the worst ive ruined it compleaatily i have no friends no boyfriend no girlfriend no real family……………. i need serious help!! 🙁 i dont kno if i want to end my life…….. or the pain…. hmmmm
I’m really sad about my life… And I want kill my self… I thought about this a lot, but never had the “courage” to do…
My girlfriend said I “killed” her happiness, and it broke with all my heart….
I can’t make the most important person in the earth for me happy.. so why I should live more?
All fights is the same… I want give up… I’m not strong enough…
I know it’s a little silly… But is how I feel inside…
I feel like such a failure. Everything I do, or try to do turns to shit. I could go through my life story but it would bore you to death. Â Â (pun intended)
I see my family and past friends on facebook, I know facebook sucks but it’s all I got most of the time, and they all seem happy living the life I always wanted. My girlfriend from high school is a grandmother. My friend from the military is retiring after a long rewarding career. Another past girlfriend looks as beautiful as she did years ago when I thought I wanted something different. My nieces and […]
Yeah. It’s raining. Storming, actually, but whatever. Same thing. I broke up with Owen. I wanted to give him a chance, but he really was too old for me. Anyway, so I’m a “single pringle” as Dawson says it. Lol. Well, I just found out that Tennyson has a girlfriend. And he’s friends with Brycen again. So, even though I’m not exactly happy, I’m glad that he’s happy. Tomorrow, after school, I have to go to the band room. Kids that want to be in band are trying out instruments, and I told Mr. Kempf  (my band director) that I would help. My little sister […]
For years I’ve been miserable. At night in high school I would lock my door at night before I went to bed. I would stay up until 3 or 4, or sometimes not go to bed at all. I’d cry and listen to music like a lot of insecure guys would like me. just made me feel worse and worse. Somewhere around 2, i’d finish my homework. And then get up at 630. High school=tiring.
College was better, but not much better. I started taking adderall since I took some and felt okay with myself for the first time of my life. Something like loving myself. […]
I wish i could be a good daughter. I have just troubled my parents. they both are old and sick, and i do nothing for them. if my mom cries before me, i cant wipe her tears i cant even talk to her nicely. I always yell at her and my dad. my dad’s sick too but i never lend him a hand at anything. i cant get myself to do that. ill sit in my room and keep thinking i should be doing it but i cant get myself up to do it. still they are very nice they never say anything bad to […]
It makes me feel even more lonely.
I wish I had a girlfriend here in my bed to fuck.
I found the light, but I don’t have a fucking clue what to do with it. XD I really don’t. I’m not joking. I’m happy, but I feel like there’s got to be something more to it than this. My head is spinning from all the ideas of where  to go with my life now that I’ve cleared the road.  I just don’t know. I feel deep in my heart, somehow, I feel like I need, yes, I said need to tell Trevor what I feel about him. Strange, I know, but since I gave my life to God, I get these feelings sometimes, and when I […]
I just don’t see the use of living anymore. I’ve had 4 breakdowns and each one gets worse. Nobody understands. I don’t have money so the only therapy I got was a grad student in psych. He’s a nice guy but not enough to scrap me off the wall. People say suicide is about wanting to end the pain, not so much about wanting to end your life. But I’m always in physical and emotional pain and yeah, I want it to end. BUT when you can’t get the help you need to get better, why fight it anymore? […]
About three years ago is when I first felt unhappy. I was in high school, had a girlfriend, was president of the film club, but I wasn’t happy. I just felt like there had to be more to life and that going away to college the next year would really open my eyes to the wonder and power off the “real world.” So I moved as far away from home as I could, to Colorado. At college I got into the drug scene really quick, I managed to stay away from most of the hard stuff but a lot of my new found and still […]
Well this is basically an update of how i’ve been and where i’m at in life. I have turned 15 and my depression is eh more or less better, it isn’t as constant as before and now it’s more of a few days a week or so. My mother has found out i self-harmed and has told my doctor which created a huge shit storm that included me talking to a social worker and seeing a psychologist. Well i saw this psychologist and it was not what i thought it would be. She was very nice and fairly young and i went once a week for […]
I know for a fact that I get too emotionally involved when i watch movies/read books about depression/suicide/self harm. So why the hell do i still do it? When i do this i start to think of how shitty my life is. This makes me start to feel physically sick. They either make me feel like i have no reason whatsoever to be depressed and suicidal or they give me that false Hollywood hope. The characters always have some huge overwhelming problem that makes them depressed or whatever. Me? Well I’m just haunted by my past (been bullied badly), do poorly in school, rarely see […]
Im very young only 14 but you would never guess that Im 6 feet 3 inches and always was the big kid.  My parents sheltered me until i was 7 when my mother abandoned us.  I got depressed but i never let out untill my depression turned to rage i got into fights in middle school broke peoples ribs but got off the hook because i did very well in school one day i was blind sided and broke my foot that’s when i got introduced to oxycodone i got addicted it eased my pain and i calmed down i had to steal money from my dad to get the stuff I later  started regularly poping pills whether it […]
they all get angry when i don’t wake up early enough, when i don’t tidy my room, when i get home late.
they get angry at everything.
we live in such an angered world.
uh, maybe it’s because i have no purpose for these things. they’re things that i will soon (hopefully) not even see.
be happy i wake up at all, when i’m dead my room will be bare, and this thing you call home isn’t mine.
sometimes i want death more than i want my girlfriend. although she saves me so i decided to stay around a bit for her. in this angered world.
I’m soooo fucking stupid.. Why did i do it? So i was talking to this guy& i thought he really liked me. He started to ignore me for 4 days. & so i was like wtfe imma go get high, So i had an older guy friend pick us up & take us tol go get some weed.. he told us all he didn’t have a girlfriend.. & i made out with him, he forced his hands down my pants & i tried to pull it out & we made out & crap.. but i was high so i was like okay? & today.. this […]
The last few posts were of True Stories. But this one, will be different. It’s what I’ve done and happened today. How I feel right now. And what’s going on.
Currently, I’m sitting on the edge of my couch. Law and Order SVU is on, about a Ryan and Rebecca Clifford. My teddy bear sits next to me. I’m listening to I’m Yours To Lose from Zeromancer. And I’m typing this (well, duh.) But a surprise. During the week of my man’s being with his girlfriend, he’s able to get on Skype. We’ve been talking for about an hour. It’s a good thing, because I was […]
i’m the type of person who hesitates to kill myself because i still have faith that maybe something good can happen. so i make a little agreement with myself; if nothing happens, if i’m not ever happy, within 2-3 months, i will die. every time i’ve done this i’ve met a wonderful person who seemed to be capable of being a good enough friend to make me decide to live an extra 3 or so months.
now that i’m with my girlfriend, this something good will nearly always be present which means i’m “safe” for a bit (or forever if she stays with me that long). but […]