still thinking about him, that’s not gonna stop… ;-; but it’s been a good birthday ig
my girlfriend and i decided a while ago to have a kid and eventually got pregnant. everything was fine until lately, when she got to the eighth month. she is now starting the ninth. see, both me and her suffer from mental illnesses, and in her case, she felt as if the embryo was protecting her, and so her illness disappeared, even if for a while. knowing she is gonna deliver soon, her illness is back. it was enough when both of us dealt with our difficulties before, but with a baby on our hands, that seems almost impossible. at least, that’s how things look […]
Hey guys, I know its been a while since I last updated . These past few weeks have been extremely rough on me. With drama with friends and my sorority ( It is a long story!), A highly overbearing work demand from my classes, try to figure out what I’m gonna do with my future when I graduate ( Which I honestly have no clue yet!),Found out its gonna be at least 3 weeks or even longer before I can even get an appointment with my university’s counselor ( I mean seriously i know theirs like a thousand and more kids at that school but […]
as you all know I attempted suicide on Sep 4th of this year. And went to the psyche ward after being released from the hospital. after being released from the psyche ward, I was ready to take in the world. Unfortunately, it was all a mirage. I’m gonna write down a list of things they did to make things seem like it was gonna get better. They was great people and all, but they just don’t understand people like me.
I just went though a trauma and was forced into a psyche ward
we had a sense of community and constant therapy
I thought I made friends
the doctors […]
I’m so angry. I get so angry that my hands shake and that i forget to breathe. I’m angry because I can’t change anything. Being angry makes me angry. Having to see her face infuriates me beyond belief. I’m angry because I still have 2 more years of this stupid shit to deal with. 2 more years until I can leave and never look back. The thing is, I wanted to look back, and see my family and see my dad and know that I had a home. Im angry because I know how how it’s gonna end. He’s gonna die and i’m never going […]
Life has fucked me over again, but this time it’s payback time.
First thing tomorrow, I’m getting hold of some booze and dope, heading to the train tracks and jumping in front of the first hi-speed train that comes my way. Yeah, it’s gonna be hard on the guy running the train and people who will notice, but I don’t give a fuck anymore. Call me selfish, because maybe I am… All I know is I WILL do it, whatever it takes and no matter who I hurt in the process…
I got no one to say goodbye to without getting locked away in some psych ward, […]
My first job has me so stressed out I don’t even want to go and I’m tempted to give the keys back and say I’m not going to open in the mornings anymore but I probably won’t do that just yet. It feels like I’m going to get fired they have been getting pissed at me over a lot of little things and this time it’s major (to them) and they are highly pissed. 1. There’s 3 people here, two owners and me, their only employee. 2. From day 1 they have operated under the policy that I don’t need to know anything until I’m […]
a word play on year end review. I’m also gonna post a Menstral Monthy (funny terms for an unhappy life) on here too and share with the world about how my life is going. Maybe ill do it in poetry form or something. I guess I’ll go ahead and do October
Its October, fall is here
I’m a sad ************ just like last year
Laying in bed, to broke to shed a tear
Plagued by loneliness, fear, I need a beer
i can’t steer my life in the right direction
Crashing, mental paralysis, major depression
the infections from all the constant past rejections
Erase my mind, I don’t want no recollection
This month has been a […]
Yeah, thats just all im gonna say too lazy too late to type properly sorry just thoughts flowing. This is my first post although i visited this site for like about 2 years never felt the urge to post only to read stories of other people but i saw many nice people around here and i figured i want to help people too but at the moment im just feeling so damn hopeless im sorry for bugging…. i guess i post from now on regulary if you dont mind suicide Community.
So i have or i guess had a best friend who i considered like a sister but i feel like she didn’t feel the same. We have been best friends for three years. I think that the worst part about losing your friend is not losing them but feeling like you are losing them. I feel less important when she talks to other people. I know that i can be easily replaced. She is sooooo pretty and smart. I just already hate myself and i thought since we were in similar sitiation we would have EACH other back. But i guess not. I can not […]
kay. so. ugggggggh. it’s just, some days are worse than others, you know? some days, im thinking, “i hate him so much, he’s a lying piece of shit, idgaf about him anymore”. and right when i think im over him, the next fucking day here i am in tears, once again, thinking “where did i go wrong, why can’t i stop loving him, why does he hate me, why did he call me a slut, did he ever fucking care at all?”. and its SOOO stupid. im 14. im in love. even worse, im in love with a guy ONLINE. people keep telling me “you […]
I’ve been to this site before (years ago) but never had the courage to sign up. But now.. Here I am. I’m gonna keep my story short
Depressed since I was in grade 3. Parents are always arguing. They aren’t the most supportive parents. A sibling that would torment me. High school was nothing but torment. I was a loner.
I’m now 26 years old and my life is still shit. I know the whole cliche “Your life will get better.” It does, but it can also gets worst.
I wish to be happier, but I can’t.. I feel like.. I don’t deserve any happiness.
As I […]
Today i had a lighter and thought about how it would feel on my skin. But i am to afraid of the unknown to try. I love the way a blade feels or even a pencil back and forth. I need help. My mind is so filled with hatred and resentment. I know that i am asking for help but if i am telling the truth i will not even accept it. I am no good. People come in and out of my life so quick. I just want someone who not gonna walk out of me because of something i say or do. I […]
I read all these fucked up stories on ID. I’m the next fucking one. “Im the devil and I will cut your face off.” “I’m gonna break all your teeth out, stab you in the eyes and leave you wandering the streets. Duct tape you and leave you in the shower for a few days.” You fucking monkey, you retarded slut, you don’t do a fucking thing, fucking worthless whore.
Everyday. Walk on eggshellS. I’ll do anything, anything to make it stop. He didn’t save me, he damned me, to this life. Takes away every option. I had such an amazing opportunity, all the right pills, […]
So the thought came to me today that I’ve posted 3 things about my problems but I haven’t done anything to try to help others. So I decided that I’m gonna help someone today, i’m gonna try to help a persons problems seem easier to manage. And…I couldn’t. I scrolled through a lot of posts but couldn’t think of what go say…maybe what I said was actually good and i am just being too hard on myself, or maybe what I said was actually pretty poor advice. We’ll never know. But I figured this would be a good alternative. So, what I want […]
When it comes to cutting, since ive seen a lot of posts about it lately. Assuming not cutting in anyway that would require medical attention (basically a suicide attempt) is it really all that bad? I myself use it as a coping method, i know its not entirely preferable and i try not to if i can avoid it but i feel like its really no different than lighting up a cigarette. Or any other destresser bad habit.
Though i am curious about those who use it as a way to grab attention. I kinda dont get it unless its a silent cry for help kinda […]
I am so weary. I cannot stop thinking about death. The thought of smiling scares the hell out of me. I lack enthusiasm to make moves or find a job. I am fucking useless piece of shit. I cry uncontrollably and can do virtually nothing meaningful with my life. My friend beat her depression and anxiety. She’s always been there for me but it looks like she’s getting a little distant because my depression is chronic… just when I thought I was gonna turn my life around.
I radiate negativity and sadness and well, that’s not something normal people or those that have finally decided to take charge […]
I pretty much wrapped up my Bioethics Agenda for my book, now I’m working on my economic platform. I called it PETHUnomics
P = Practical
E = Efficiant
T = Transformative
H = Humanitarian
U = Utilitarian
i believe in a massive overhaul of the educational and corrections system. I also believe in better social safety nets for the poor. Unfortunately, my plan will cost a lot of money. To offset this, I think we are gonna have to make some painful cuts to great programs in the name of incredible ones.
ill start off with the most controversial one – spending cuts for the National Endowment for the Arts, and the […]
There’s an eclipse tonight and everyone should watch it of they can! it’s gonna be amazing and may lift your spirits even if just for a little while! it’s a wonderful event that’s truely magical and I hope some of you get to experience it!
Can you find were the empty beer cans are? yesterday I was craving alcohol and couldn’t sleep because of it. Around 3 pm I took a shower, dressed real nice, got me a bag of water and told my aunt that I was going to take a walk. Knowing I’m an alcoholic, she didn’t bring up any questions to my surprise! I walked a mile to the store, even anxiety couldn’t stop me! I got 12 cans of bud light because they were out of the good […]