New year, same problems
Am i good enough? No.
Will i ever be? No.
Was i ever? Definitely. Maybe.
I think thats the sad truth about everyone whos sad, and depressed,
They were brilliant, if not brilliant, they were adequate at some point of time, and then due to something or someone, now they arent good enough. And that makes them think they never were good enough.
Sure as hell thats what happened with me.
I’m their good for nothing son of my parents, brother of my sister and boyfriend of my girlfriend. Feeling Miserable. Nobody to listen to my thoughts. Thanks for reading. 🙁
Hey SP,
It’s currently 3:00am on the 1st of January 2016 as I write this, and I don’t know how to feel.
I’m kind of glad that I’ve made it another year. This means that I’m another year closer to leaving home (only a year and 8 months to go now) which I’ve been waiting for since I was 13 years old. I’ve also started looking at university options and jobs so that I can save up enough money by the time I get to university to live fairly decently. Or the money will be used if I end up leaving home before then. Either […]
I am stoned and I feel so good right now, I kinda don’t hate everything so much right now.
I think I can move on. Like everyone says. I wrote and explained and tried… And I know she’s over me. Theres nothing to save. I tried.. Apologized. She said she isn’t sitting in her place sad thinking about how I lied. She’s not mad or upset. She good and doing fine. She asked since i know this too why I torture myself. I said I deserved it. I feel I do. Where i thought we had something she replied we were in two very different relationships. She don’t care. Thats all i cared about. But it doesnt matter. Makes me not want to see […]
“IT”, is something that I think about all the time. Every day and every night IT is on my mind. I’m not sure if IT is something that I want to do, or something that would help relieve that darkness that I feel. IT, is a word that I can’t say without feeling sick to my stomach. I want to cry whenever I think of IT. But just for your information, “IT” = Suicide.
I’m not too sure that IT is something that I want to do. All I know is that I want to disappear. I want to disappear from my family, my friends, my […]
Going to eat some lovely sushi with an old friend of over a decade, who I also work with. Life seems like it could have some possibly good out comes. The loneliness is diminishing, I am growing closer to my friends, and I feel like my life might turn around.
Spent the past 8 years as a hermit, but every year around this time, I have to get involved with all of my old friends. Is it my last moment grasp to hang on to the world that is slowly slipping from my fingers, or am I just in that “mood”. Feel like when I […]
So I tend to assume that the problem is me. With the destructive ways of thinking and habits that I cling to. Or with my defective body. With my distorted, twisted personality. I look at the people around me, and think ‘They look happy. I should be like them.’
If I could only be like everyone else, and feel a sense of meaningful connection with others, then my life would be worth living. It gives me something to aspire to. Got to find a way to fix myself, and then everything will be ok. Or, if that’s not possible, got to keep a lid on my […]
I am simply waiting to check out after my cat dies in another 8 years tops (since she’s middle aged for an indoor cat) seeing as how she’s the only person I can really think of who would actually be adversely impacted by my death with how she gets really down in the dumps after I’m gone just for a few days. I am incredibly brutally nihilistic at this point in my life which started from a very young age where I learned hard that there is no system of justice in physics so I don’t believe in good and evil, to me it’s all […]
I’m going to keep this short, sweet, and unrelated to the norm. I want to write, and normally I don’t ask if it’s a good or bad idea. I generally just do it and say fuck the consequences, but this time is a little different. As you all can guess, it’s about a girl, and it’s complicated. First, a little update on how romance has been going in my life. The girl that has caused me so much sorrow and heartache has officially been given up on, and I have moved on. Now that’s out of the way, straight to why this shit be complicated […]
It’s as if all I can do is cry.
Even just spending maybe two hours with my family for Christmas was hard. Pretending to be okay even though I feel like half my family is missing- how could I be spending Christmas without her?
How could I be spending my life without her?
It still feels unreal; I think of her, of memories with her and I can’t believe that she could leave me. She called me her wife. She said I was for forever. I just can’t get over the idea that she’s gone. The idea that she could leave me, that we wouldn’t be together, was […]
Merry Christmas to all… I hope you all had a good day .
I didn’t feel like it was Christmas today .
It’s my least favorite holiday.
I feel like today is a day where people find a excuse to get back in touch with you , people get you gifts because they feel like they have to, and family’s have to get together because they feel bad that they haven’t for a whole year .
I kind of had a good day though. I saw my step family . Their really nice . My actual family is pretty much all dead , except for my great […]
After all this shit… the guy I’ve loved posts another rant about how he got rejected by someone else he was chasing, how good he’d be to someone, etc. Then added on how hard it is to get him and he wouldn’t want some of the girls who might want him anyway…. Yeah because we all know you need to be anorexic with your bones sticking out and have the face of a supermodel to get him. And aparantly he had plans to spend Christmas with the girl he was chasing but now just “might” not and so he “might” have been open to going […]
If you’re reading this, I hope you had (or have) a really good time, and I hope you find the happiness that has eluded me for way too long.
Good morning to all my Christmas goers. I woke up today feeling good actually. Its going to be 80 degrees in Virginia beach where I live so much m pretty sure that means a good day is waiting for me . It usually freezing this time of the year . Apparently it hasn’t been this hot since 1895. So great. I’m probably gonna head to the beach and read some of this book and walk the trails . I’m actually feeling like doing something with my self today .
Society’s obsession with good looks and sexual attractiveness is absurd. Watching all these “cute” Celebs makes feel so insignificant and plummets my self esteem. Makes me think about my worthlessness and how mentally fucked up and ugly I really am.
I feel like I’m different .
I don’t have an opinion on anything . Nor do I have a passion. I’m not good at anything . Not having a opinion for anything is boring .I’m so fucking bored.
And I’m tired . I had a short class today before the holidays and i got home at 10 and slept until now (7pm) I’m debating whether or not to sleep again. I can feel my eyes drooping.
I just hate that I feel like I don’t feel for anything and I feel nothing . & these thoughts make me feel like a looser .
I can’t even explain […]
This song is so good . It speaks to me . I think you should all listen . And had a good music video.
“Amor Fati”
Don’t try to find
Words now, you fall
Then go, reach out
The choice is yours to find
This life you’ve got
The light to guide
Your faith decides
The roads you’re going to find
Realize
So tired
Got hope, desire
Even though it’s hard to forget
What you can’t afford now
Chasing all your thoughts, you know that
You’ll be all right in time
This life you’ve got
The light to guide
Your faith decides
The roads you’re going to find
This life […]
For all of those who don’t have someone to say goodnight/good morning to them,
For all of those who hate themselves but wear the biggest smile out every single day,
For all of those struggling with addiction,
For all of those who don’t have someone to tuck them in at night and and hug them,
For all of those who think that they deserve nothing because they haven’t found their talents yet,
For all of those who think that they need to end their lives,
this is for you.
goodnight/good morning, you deserve it. I’m here for you.
don’t hate yourself, I like you. It’s ok to not smile once in a while. […]
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