The one thing that has kept me going for the longest time has been schoolwork. I am a senior in college, graduating in May and wondering what will help me survive after that. I’m good at schoolwork. I’m smart. Not to sound arrogant, but I know what to do to get good grades, and I love to learn. When everything else is fucked up, as it often is, knowing that I can get something right is what keeps me alive. Now, it’s nearly over, and in all that handwork and all that knowledge gathering, I have no career prospects. Nothing that I’m particularly good at. […]
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good
People always look passed me. I never for positive feedback in groups at the psych hospital but the next person did and everyone before me did. Which is why I don’t normally speak out. In society as well, when I’m with friends and have a story to tell no one ever listens. I used to raise my hand in school and never got called on when I wanted to so I stopped and started failing. I got attention but not the good attention. Why? Can someone not look passed this.
I am 26 years old, and I’m married to the woman of my dreams, my high school sweetheart.
We’ve been married almost 3 years now, we have two kids ages one, and seven.. I have had a series of experiences in my life that I suppose have slowly eaten away at my innocence and I’ve managed to lose grasp on the good within me.
I use to be a very happy individual.. I was rarely ever in a bad mood or sad, and of those rare times my negative mood was usually influenced by an external source, someone unhappy with my choices or actions, or […]
Life isn’t perfect it’s hard to manage. Life is a ***** and doesn’t let you live it how you want it. Well the people that also live in this so called world. So I leave you here to figure out the world without me because I was never good at a fight. I’m not a fighter I look at the reasons and there is only one way to stop this pain. Suicide sorry that it has to come to this sorry that I wasn’t up for the good life. Sorry that I let you down sorry that I made you sad.. but they good part […]
Comrades, we live in a world without justice and evil. I want to tell you guys, that are suffering, that its only bad right now, but that is not the case. It gets bad, then good, and suddenly gets bad again. Possibly even worse than before. But it doesn’t have to stop there. You don’t have to give up just because its bad right now. It WILL get good again. Its almost like the eye of the hurricane. Don’t get me wrong, the actual hurricane is hellish, but the eye is the period of a light breeze, ray of sunlight and nature at its most […]
This is my first post on this website, I can’t really relate to a lot of people from this site other than the fact I’m depressed and often suicidal. I think about dieing everyday and what would people think of me if I commit suicide, I know I’m very selfish I have been my whole life, I guess because I was an only child and spoiled growing up,.. We’ll until I turned 18 and I left my parents house and moved out with a friend, I then really had no goals or direction so I started to slang drugs as a runner, with no real […]
I am new to the site as a member but I’ve read through many posts throughout all my dark times. This will be my first and only post. It is my way of saying good bye. I cannot handle the pain any more. Ever since I was 12 I’ve thought of suicide. Each year that goes by it gets stronger, darker, and harder to cope with. Now that I am almost finished with college, I have realized how unfit I am for this life. The stress, the expectations, I just can’t do it. I’m such a shitty waste of space and a burden to everyone […]
I feel like I’m too young to have these thoughts. I feel like I’m too lucky to think with this much feeling. To tell you the truth, I really don’t know anymore. I’m fourteen years old, I go to one of the top schools of the US (Oxford Academy of Cypress, CA), and I am having suicidal thoughts. This may seem like a optimal life, but sadly, it isn’t. Every day, every period, I don’t talk to people. Every lunch break, I sit in one of the bathroom stalls (Jesus, I’m pathetic). My parents are always deeply saddened by me, always declaring I’m a nuisance […]
No matter how many people try to argue the contrary, our society and culture thrives on superficiality, the idea that how we look quantifies our objective worth is the most widespread knowledge propagated and perpetuated. I was born with intrinsic ugliness, not quite deformed but my facial features are distinctly warped and exaggerated to the point of being undesirable and to be honest, quite repulsive. Naturally people are drawn to beauty – don’t even try to deny it. People are primarily drawn to celebrities because of their conventional aesthetic superiority to most people, if they have a good personality it is amplified and glorified, giving […]
Finally done with a horrible relationship and most of the pain that came with it. There are days when I still can’t believe that it has happened and that I am where I am. I am jealous that he has good things and I don’t I constantly compare my life to his. He was a horrible person and yet he has managed to move on find someone who accepts him and cares about him, has good friends, everything I want. I am a better person than him I feel like I deserve those small things more than he does and it is unfair. Someone told […]
Today was good. As good as it could have been. I spent the day with someone I’ve missed quite a bit. Things really could not have been any better. But I can’t shake this feeling. I’m so tired. I’m on the verge of collapsing with no one there to catch me. So what’s left? I could pick myself up and keep going… But I don’t know how. I could end it all tonight. I kind of want to. But I’m scared. Is it stupid to be scared? I feel like I’m failing miserably. At everything. I just don’t think there’s anything left for me to […]
Tonight is bad. Bad day at work. When my shift ended, I ran out of there on the dot. I can’t stand the job from the company to the day to day work. The managers are okay until they say one thing, then say the opposite. Makes me crazy. So, I was pushed to the edge tonight. I distracted myself with reading. I ate ice cream, cake, cookies, pizza. It felt good for like two minutes. Then nothing. No good feelings. I took the slow spiral dissent into my deep, dark feelings of waning to die. Just wanting this madness to end! Can’t get a […]
Life is boring , boring life. why movies, games, anime/manga, & fantasy/imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
life is boring , boring life. why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Marvel / Marvels, Avengers, X-Men, Divergent / Insurgent , Star Wars, The […]
Does it seem unfair that most of us are born into emotional debt? Our parents love us from before Day One, and thereafter we can’t unlive, or live unwell, without hurting them – not to mention those whose love we accrue over the following years. Being loved is a blessing, or so I hear, but it’s also bondage.
Sometimes I want to kill myself out of protest, but: 1) even depressed and anhedonic, I know that hurting those who love me is wrong; 2) it’s possible that I chose to be here and accept this debt; and 3) the One I’d be protesting against would likely […]
You will wake up feeling good, maybe not today, or tomorrow or anytime soon. But one day.
Has anyone been physically, emotionally and verbally abused and dumbed-down by their parents from the day they were born all the way into adulthood?
What does one do when they’ve been made useless by their parents and can’t make it on their own?
30 years of waiting for things to get better… just hanging in.
I don’t see this ending in a good way.
i sit in my room talking to myself, why? Because no one cares to listen. You could sit and talk about their problems but youre a burden if you talk about yours. What has the world come to where society is like that? Hopefully all of you will listen
Being average. Never will i be the strongest. Or the fastest. The smartest. I tell people i read books but little do they know i’ve never finished a book in my life. I own books but i get bored. I wont finish top of my class, i typically sit on the bottom. Algebra and chemistry just doesnt […]
You know, depression is one frustrating thing. After you’ve been so good for such a long time you start to think you’ve beaten it and that’s that.
Like a cold that had finally decided it was time to leave.
But when you finally let your guard down and try to forget about all those depressed time, it decides to come back and feed on your positive life force.
Can I just have the cold instead please? Haha
I just don’t understand why it has to hide in my shadow, acting like molasses and weighing me down when I try to move forward. “Oh, hey there depression. […]
Here I am- again. Oh woe.
…. You know, it isn’t even that I really want to die anymore, or that I don’t want to be here, or that I’m thoroughly sick of it all yet again. It isn’t that I’m done with life or trapped in despair or mired in the worry I like to pull from molehills; it isn’t anything, really.
I’m…. just kind of tired. At this point, after everything, it isn’t that living doesn’t seem at least a little worth it. It doesn’t seem impossible, hopeless, or crushing, it seems doable and enjoyable and maybe something that I could manage to be […]
These are the reasons that I want die:
1. I’m unique
2. I have Asperger’s
3. I feel isolated
4. I will never fall in love with anyone!
5. Most people in this world suck!
6. I won’t have to be afraid anymore and my anxiety will be gone for good!
7. I’m stinky and I smell!
8. I get overwhelmed so easily!
9. Humanity keeps sinking to lower and lower lows!
10. Being naked when I hang myself makes me very vulnerable, so I need to be successful with ending my life, so I won’t be hurt anymore!
11. As the late great Wendy O Williams said, “this world doesn’t make much sense”!
12. Just thinking about […]