Edit: I’m back in moderation hell yay!
Sorry for spamming this song its (almost in)arguably the best part of the movie now on to the post. In exactly 18 months one of 2 things will be true (well both if you subscribe to the scientifically plausible many worlds theory). My life will be significantly improved or i will be completing/completed my suicide. In 18 months I hit a milestone bday. Ive set dates before but this is final. This is less an ultimatum and more of a mad dash to get myself right. Despite my posts there is a fair amount of optimism that ill […]
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good
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I can’t come up with a reason to go through the struggle again. I haven’t had an intimate relationship in more than 5 years.
I was married for 20 years, but she wanted to start over by herself.
I have a 20 year old daughter who only messages me when I send her money. She doesn’t answer her phone, and doesn’t reply to texts… Unless there was money involved.
I just got laid off from my job. I’m too old to start over. I’ve done it too many times. What for? To see who wins the election? That doesn’t matter… To see the next movie or show? What […]
I’ve made some bad choices. I have a kid that I love with the wrong guy. We have been in a nasty custody battle for five years. The custody battle really started after I tried to kill myself. My son was with his dad at the time, and that was enough to declare me unfit.
I think I am unfit. He is coming for a visit today, and all I want to do is sleep. I can physically feel that hard core depression, that I have known since I was 11 years old, trying to burst out of my abdomen. That’s where I feel it.
Honestly, I don’t drink much at all, and I haven’t had anything in years because it’s not really my favorite thing, but lately I feel like I want to have just one night of drunken misery/celebration/reveling.
Just one.
I’m in the middle of coming to terms with certain issues, certain people, and certain unsavory truths, so dammit, I would like to drink myself stupid for one night.
When I do this, I will post on SP throughout the evening so you can all see me at my weirdest. (Because what are friends for, right?)
In the interests of good manners, I will try to keep most of it contained […]
Is it a good part? Should it be listened to? It’s very unrealistic and naive but it’s hopeful. Last I checked hope was a good thing.
The other part is a realist and knows that history is a good predictor of the past. Being on a downward spiral points further down.
in short, I’m suicidal with a fantasy of breaking free and becoming something great
God is fucking sick basted and apparently he fucking hates me. My brother said he has a blessing coming. Well it must be a good one because god is sucking me dry just so he can get his fucking blessing.
Hey everybody how your morning so far .?
So I was sitting in cab going to a mall and I was playing spot the murder, rapist or pedo with myself. When I seen two kids running across the street laughing and man in his late 20s early 30s was just starring at them . At first I was like he’s a rapy pedo 12 points. But then when we drove past him and I got a good look at his face. There was Agony and sadness in his eyes. He was wishing to be young happy and laughing and not living the life he has . it […]
I can’t stop crying and I can’t sleep.
Strangely, I’m scared that I may have a panic attack. I read somewhere about the low-grade ones where your heart races and you’re scared and your mind turns blank… but now I can’t seem to find information about this.
I’m at such a loss. I don’t know what to do. I feel so scared.
I took a lot of sleep aids again tonight, even though I told myself I wouldn’t. I can’t stop hurting myself.
I think this is probably withdrawal, but looking at the way things have been going so far this year, I’m almost positive that these pills aren’t […]
I think one of the few good things (if not the best) that have happened to me since I got to highschool was meeting my current best friend. She really changed my life. I’ve become somewhat of a more “open” person in some aspects. She somehow makes me feel grateful for what I have in my life. Sadly, today is not one of those days. There’s still an issue that’s been going in and off of my mind for the past year or so.
I feel like I shouldn’t be her best friend. I feel like we shouldn’t be best friends. I feel that, even though […]
All good things are deceptive. I must not forget that even good days are an illusion.
I took too many sleeping aids last night, so this morning I feel kind of awful.
Apparently, sleeping aids do strange things to anxiety.
I’m waiting for a therapist to call me back so we can discuss if we’d be a good match.
I’m so tired. And so scared. And so sad.
I want to treat myself to some good Tex-Mex, because it sounds very comforting right now and I want to eat queso and quesadillas. I don’t think I can drive in this state, though. I shouldn’t risk it.
Does anyone else feel like they are programmed to self-destruct?
Hey you, you know who you are.
I just wanted to write you a little something personal. And no, I am not blaming others entirely for my short comings like you think I do. And I know you say “you don’t have to be like your siblings” but I know that’s just kind of pretend.
Because I know you have done the same shit with them. For some reason they worked out better then I did. But, you told me you’re disappointed in all of us for individual reasons anyway.
Oh and I am sorry for that your dream of becoming rich and beautiful has not worked out because you […]
Hello…
It seems I find myself at yet again another rock bottom. You know just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse it actually does, and it just keeps getting worse and worse.
I just dropped out of college because lets just say depression kind of took over. It seems my childhood events have finally caught up to me. From my step-dad who I thought was my real dad leaving me and my mom on his birthday when I was 7 to my older brother being sentenced to 15 years in prison for committing murder, things just have never been easy for me. I just lost […]
I promised on killing myself on April 6th.
But now I realize I have no time.
I need to get everything organized. But I don’t wanna change the date.
ARGHHHHH.
Lord. lord lord lord.
You know what I hate? Today I am in a good mood. You know that scares me.
Because now I just think, “Wow….What if on April 6th I am in a good mood?”
I don’t have the rope ready!
Dear god its so close I don’t have time!!!!
I DON’T WANNA CHANGE THE DATE SOMEONE HELP.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’m actually happy and in a good mood from listening to a long bunch of good music and talking to good peeps and yet I cant stop thinking about death hmm maybe im just obsessed now…
i’m really really really really mad rn
i hate those kids who condemn others for wanting to die
saying they’re too weak and that they are ungrateful with life and with their parents yada yada yada
well you know what, kids, if you feel you’re helping, YOU’RE NOT.
you’re just making them feel more worthless and make them want to die even more. good job. why aren’t you dead instead.
i’m sorry i’m just too mad at everyone right now
I was happier. Slowly depleating. Memories of the good times. A video I made.
Today has been a good day done two drawings and finished my song was singing my heart out need to record it now
I know this mood won’t last so need to make the most of it when your depressed you sometimes get a glimps of light in the darkness but the flame burns out very quickly then it’s back to the darkness to fight with my demons once more
hows everyone ? Darktide were u at my friend