i dont know what to think. i really dont know what to say. i just am completely shocked. i thought i was going crazy. i dont know why im sobbing right now. i just thought maybe one of us got out of it ok. maybe im the reason for it. i dont know how fine you were when we werent together but now that we have been better you feel the need to come back on here. i dont want to be the reason for anyones suffering. i dont want you to follow the path of drugs, alcohol, self harm, suicide, mental hospitals. i want […]
Tag:
Happiness
This is the first time I’ve ever publically posted/said that I am in as much pain as I am. I’ve hidden it for years, even when I was a young teen. When I was little I thought everybody had bad days like mine: times when the world looked grey, when even speaking was difficult, when my soul felt sucked from me. I’m too afraid to truly come out and tell anyone around me how I really feel. They’ll all just say “Just put on a smile and look on the bright side” or “It’ll be okay, just buck up”. Can’t anyone see that I can’t […]
It had been half a year since I came here on SP. Since then,I have found my true meaning of life. My life,my pain was the same; but I decided to fight and chase my dreams,and that has made all the difference. I have found my happiness and destination in life. There is no place in this world for those who refuse to fight, I say.
Last night my kitty died. I was playing and laughing with him even at sunset, but at night I found him lying lifeless on the street in front of my house. He must have been hit. It all happened so, […]
I want to die at my 15th birthday….it will be soon in 15 august,I decided it because I can’t live anymore….pain seems endless.like I don’t deserve happiness…Like I live only for pain…,maybe my heart is beating but I’m already dead inside..everything seems like hell!I don’t wanna feel this ….I just want to sleep FOREVER!
Eleven years. It’s been eleven years since I’ve had control over my emotions. Since I have felt any sense of normalcy or joy.
Medication after medication. None of them have worked.
Electro shock therapy. Gave me six months of relief before I relapsed, and my psychiatrist is convinced that the habits and anxiety and addictions that I never used to have before the ECT would have happened anyway. When I went through the treatment, I had no memory of anything for months straight. I forgot how to drive, where I was half the time, and each session was nightmarish.
Speaking of my psychiatrist, since I’ve started seeing him, […]
If I could try to describe the way I feel it would be like an egg without anything inside. Then imagine that same egg being put under intense pressure. smashed broken and shattered….Its like this feeling in the center of my chest….not physical pain….but it just feels like darkness and despair. Â I can laugh at things that make me laugh but its absent of happiness…. I cant genuinely smile at anything. I don’t appreciate or value anything life has to offer. The sunlight has become dull and gray and when its dull and gray outside that is sunshine to me. A flower looks like a […]
The history of Earth does not indicate the existence of a supreme being that is worthy of worship.
Religion acts as an obstruction to discovering new truths.
“In the nineteenth century the problem was that God is dead; in the twentieth century the problem is that man is deadâ€
In a world where irrationality is largely the norm, rationality does not often seem to be conducive to happiness.
we think we are superior than animals, we are animals ourselves. our houses made of wood and rocks. that’s all we are, a speck, waiting to go back to dust. that’s all we are. why experience this life at all? what gives. it’s sad to think I used to believe in magic, magic don’t exist. happiness don’t exist. life is just some big joke, one big mistake. my thoughts are the cause of my very depression and anxiety. I envy the dead.
In my life I’ve had several moments where I felt ‘stuck’ or ‘trapped.’ Â I wish that people truly understood the depth and complexity of those words to me. Â My life has had its challenges, but what upsets me the most is that I truly am privileged.
I have major depressive disorder, but I am privileged. Â I have a father that was a cheater in all three of his marriages and emotionally abusive towards me, but he is a Professor and exposed me to the world of learning and higher education. Â I also have a father that through his cheating contracted HIV, but thankfully my mother did […]
If you really knew me you would know that I was happy. I was surrounded by happiness and laughter. Now I just want to wither away. Everybody who I was close to drifted apart from me and look at me like I’m psycho. If you really knew me you would know that I’m hurting physically and emotionally, I feel numb. Numb is really an understatement but that’s the only way of describing it. If you really knew me you would check my limbs for cuts periodically, Nobody cares enough to do that though. If you really knew me you would know I’m breaking down and […]
I can’t do this.
With every new experience, everything I do, I just get broken down more by how stupid the world is.
I always thought I got out of my parents’ house, faced my fears, I’d be ok. That everything would get better. But now I’m moved out and everything still sucks.
Boyfriend is away for two and a half weeks. It hasn’t even been one and I’m meh and depressed and mad. He said we’d talk “lots.” Lots for us is constantly. We’ve barely talked at all. I’ve talked to his older brother more than to him. And mostly I’m just mad at his parents for […]
you see that title? thats a quote i picked that quote of the internet because it sounds mostly like me….
It hurts because its true i am that lonely person when i was in school people who didnt know anything about me would look at me and i would seem the hyper one in that class i was happy and thats because i wanted people to see me like the happy one and the hyper and crazy one yeah it worked it was a good way to not show anybody i was most of all trying to keep everyone smiling whenever my friend is down i […]
I’ve always thought about killing myself. It’s been the one consistent character trait I’ve had since I was three, and I don’t know why I feel this way. Today at work, I realized that suicide seems to be the only way for me to go. I don’t know when, where, or why, but it’s all I have. I don’t have friends, I have people that I call friends, but I don’t have the emotional fortitude to have any real emotion for anyone. That is relatively new, it started when I was seventeen. Now here I am, 21, on a suicide blog. I don’t want to […]
I’ve not always concealed my emotions. But ‘Never ever would I be caught in a vulnerable state again’, that was my promise to myself, that is my promise to myself. But I find that my promise is causing an unhealthy balance of sadness and the want and need of escape.  Holding everything inside is causing random explosions of emotion and confusion as to which causes me to question everything. Even the stable facts that I already know the truth about. The world in my eyes quaking and the  voice in my head screaming/ yelling.  I distance myself. Pull my heart out from within and lose […]
It’s been a long time… I’m just so ready for it to just…end.
I’ve reached a new low. A low, where the first time in my life, the cutting isn’t enough. The distractions, the stories… even my art has become dull and lifeless. Leaving the house is painful. Seeing so much happiness. It hurts, so much. And the stares, the rumors. I pretend they don’t bother me, but when I’m alone, their words are sharper than any of my knives. I found this movie, stumbled on it, really… And it seems so stupid. Â So fake- but I love it. The idea of finding a world….a place […]
“keep listening to music because it gets you through everything”
by imlostatsea
written by imlostatsea
life saving bands:
Never Shout Never
Pierce the Veil
Sleeping with Sirens
Suicide Silence
Of Mice & Men
My Chemical Romance
Enter Shikari
Bring Me The Horizon
Black Veil Brides
All Time Low
Falling in Reverse
Fall Out Boy
My Genuine Find
Catching Your Clouds
Motionless In White
The Devil Wears Prada
Blessthefall
We Came As Romans
Attack Attack!
A Day To Remember
Asking Alexandria
S – slowly breathing in and out
A – about ready to scream and shout
V – vanishing faces focused on life
A – already giving up on that strife
N – not enough fight left in my body
N – never wanted my hands this bloody
A – alright I’ve had enough tears
H – how has tis much time past, so many years
C – clouds cover the sky
O – only I want to die
N – needed one last person to care
S – sorry it was only a dare
T – time has flown by
A – and all I can […]
By this time, like I said previously, my life literally felt as if it was crumbling to pieces.
Ever since that one night, my mother’s “friend” had made a habit of having some sort of sexual activity or sex in itself every night, my mother being “oblivious”.
That summer though, my father decided to move back to my end of the country with his fiancé and her son. I was not that thrilled about it.
For two years, nothing really changed. We had a routine developed and everything was once again as stable as it could be. We moved a few times but that’s it. […]
Im tired of living. You can work so hard for something and still end up with nothing. I keep chasing dreams that i think will make me happy but then realize that there is no such thing as happiness. I think to myself how i want kids someday and my time is running out but why would i want to bring a kid into this shitty world? Why would i want to hand over my mental issues to another human being through my genes just so they can suffer? Am i really seeing this miserable place for what it is and just giving up on […]
I don’t know why I feel this way
I don’t know why I do this to myself
I don’t know why I cry so much
I don’t know why I tried to kill myself
I don’t know why I push everyone away
I don’t know why I feel so alone
I don’t know why I am anxious
I don’t know why you hate me
But then again i think i do.