Sitting at the top of the stairs and I can hear you all talking about me. Saying I’m worthless. Saying I’m a terrible daughter. I’m not supposed to be listening, but I’m sitting at the top of the stairs and I can still hear you. Mom, you make me want to kill myself. Dad, where are you now? Sister, why are you adding to the pain that I’ve told you I feel a thousand times? I’m the one that everyone hates. I’m the one that everyone wishes was gone. I can hear you talking about me. Someone help.. I feel like I’m seeking attention posting […]
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hear
Lately, been wondering about different lives that could be here, so i want you guys to share why you here…i’ll tell mine too as well.
In my final breaths:
I’ll exhale my sins,
and the promises I broke.
I won’t inhale them back in.
I’m sorry
I used to call you papa,
and you’d guide me to school
so that I could read on the way.
You taught me to swim
by throwing me into the deep end
and I kicked and fought until I could.
You taught me to live
by throwing me into the deep end
but this time, I let myself drown.
I’m sorry,
that you see her in my eyes
that you hear her when I cry,
and for shoving you that one time,
but you told […]
I wrote a previous post about me finally having the opportunity to see a psychologist. I also mentioned how I am going to end it all in a month.
Please hear me out:
I want the answers. I want to hear it from a real psychologist, the things I have. I want to know if there’s something else. I want to know if I have OCD or if its something else that makes me react at times. I want to hear the doctor confirm that, yes, I do have depression. Yes, I do have something. Yes, all my self-diagnosing was correct. I want to hear that I […]
I’m finally going to go see a psychologist.
I set up a meeting for next week.
I don’t know why I am doing this. If most of y’all have followed some of my posts, I stated my decision to end it all in a month.
I guess I just want to hear the problems directly. You know, self diagnosing? I say, before I die, I want to hear it formally. A real diagnosis.
How can I really die if I’ve never heard a professional confirm it?
But hearing it all is, ultimately, not what I want either.
Its just another reason to point out and […]
I literally don’t know what else to say except for “I just can’t do this anymore” I am divorced from a man who abused me to the point that I don’t even know who I am anymore. He is VERY wealthy and is currently in hiding in Denmark with my daughter whom he went against court order and kidnapped. She already had a passport signed by both of us because we traveled quite a bit for his work.
As of right now he cannot be found. I have run out of all my savings due to having to pay 2 lawyers, one here in the states, and […]
Forgive the selfie.. but here’s a small update. I know nobody I know will find these forums. So why not show off my amazingly depressed face. So last I posted, I had just started college, and had completed my first day. Now I’ve dropped all but my math class so I’m not overwhelmed by my depression. That way I can at least get the hard class done first, and I can go about surviving.
Nothing much has changed. I “think” I’ve made a couple friends. We’ll see how that turns out. I still spend the bulk of my time listening to “See You On The Other […]
I should never have been born. No one deserves to have to put up with me. I ruin everything and I’m so, so sorry. I can’t wait to be able to die; I’ll ruin more things but at least then I won’t have to be aware of it anymore.
The worst feeling in the world is to hear the person you love most trying not to cry and knowing it’s your fault. I wish dearly I’d never been born and I think soon I’ll fix that error.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I must forget you
All those painful memories
Being honest to myself and realizing
You do me no good
You make me want to change
I need to face this ruthless loneliness
I need to hear myself for a change
This so called freedom is unfamiliar
Due to your heavy memories that still linger after your absence
How do you survive when the enemy lives within. When your brain and emotions are the are the very things that are eating away at your essence. When you silently screaming yet no one can hear you or even begin to comprehend the dark thoughts roaming around inside you….
Frustrating thing:
I tried making an audio post so you could hear something I wrote a few years ago.
I can’t get the audio post to work right.
I chose “audio” as the format.
I clicked on “add media” and uploaded the sound file.
I clicked on “preview” to make sure it would work.
It doesn’t.
Keeps saying “File Not Found”.
I tried the whole thing again, deleting the sound file, deleting the post draft.
Tried all over again.
Chose audio format.
Uploaded the file.
Clicked on Preview.
Nothing. It just keeps saying “File not found”.
WHAT am I doing wrong???
The file’s only 15.5 KB, so it’s well below the […]
My days are usually awful.
Today is one of those days.
Can anybody hear me? It doesn’t seem like it. It doesn’t seem like anyone cares. I need someone.
My friends don’t understand being diagnosed with depression. They dismiss the fact that I’m on medication and just tell me to “snap out of it” and “stop being so sad” and “choose to be more positive.”
Are you kidding me?
Every day is a struggle. Every day I just want to disappear.
The worst part is that everyone thinks that just because I don’t have anything really wrong in my life, I cannot be depressed. But that’s not how it works. Depression […]
as anyone ever had there earphones go out to where they can only hear out of one side? omg mine have done so, and I beyond highly annoyed at there hour. I mean I live in the UK for blokes sake, am I suppose to run down to my local Wal mart and pick up a new pair:? I spent 30 pounds on these…I am so not happy right now.
If you will, allow me this brief moment to give my earnest.
Time to awaken, princess. The sky is waiting; reincarnation or fallen, those your fates.
O, lost soul wandering purgatory, will you take my hand?
Before the moon wanes upon this moment, I’ll hold you gently if you want me to.
I can hear your heart shivering in the silence
even though I’m just stroking your blushing cheek.
Perhaps this honest appearance scares you
yet you’re wrong to assume I’m an angel.
A vampire to savor your nectar,
an incubus to steal your soul,
a ghost to possess you…
Everything and more to sate your ease
yet the honey in my words and feathers in my […]
trying to make it through, my friends try to help but there’s nothing they can do.
hurting so much I can barely move.
time goes by so slow. I look at myself in the mirror screaming no. the blade on my skin feels cold, but seeing the drip makes me feel bold.
my mom is too drunk to care
my dad isn’t anywhere near
my sister is already gone
and everyone wishes it was me.
all these doors are locked and she had the key
so I cut for her and I cut for me.
I can hear her calling. It’s time for me to leave..
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I could only last 2 hours in college today. We were using sharp tools and it triggered the Angels – I hadn’t heard them all day up until then. They haven’t shut up since. My mum yelled because she had to pick me up early. I didn’t tell her why, she doesn’t understand. Whenever I use them as an ‘excuse’ – as she puts it – she gets angry and says it’s stupid.
She’s lying. She knows about them, she works with my psychiatrist and the Others. I know now. Obadiah told me that I need to see my doctor; I need to tell him what […]
I made a decision as the clock turned midnight on new years if this year doesn’t pick up I don’t see a point in playing
this game anylonger, I might even quit sooner, Im 17 and my life is hell. I thought my life was going to pick up and finally go my way. I got a job interview, I applied for some TAFE courses and I was three weeks ahead on rent. Then christmas came around, I was kicked out and my rent returned (thankfully) I spent christmas packing, they gave me a week to leave (which Im pretty sure is against the law but whatever). I […]
A wretched soul bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much, or more, we should ourselves complain.
— — — Comedy of Errors (Act 2, Scene 1)
Hell is empty, and all the devils are here.
— — — The Tempest (Act 1 Scene 2)