im an outcast. i wish i was normal, i wish i wasnt this broken. maybe they’d like me then. maybe i’d be accepted. but it wont happen. i dont know how to fight the demons in my head and i have no energy left to do so. where my heart should be,its empty. if you look close enough,in every picture of mine,my eyes just look dead. they are dead. arent they the windows to your soul.
im completing the process; the date’s may 24th. its a friday. noone will know,probably. this time it will work, i have everything i need im sure its enough to […]
Tag:
Heart
I woke up this morning, it was awful.
Tomorrow, I have my first shrink appointment in two years. I’m anxious, my heart sinking at the thought of it. The last time I was in her office, I told her about being raped. She made me tell my mom, even drove me home so she could be sure I would do it. But, being poor, I cant afford another one in town.
I’m near tears, not excited about this, but my boyfriend needs me to seek professional help, whether he’ll admit it or not. I don’t think he can take my shit anymore. I hurt inside, I ache. […]
The blade is calling your name.
You leave in a flood of pain.
Your heart falls out of your chest.
and here you are….
facing death.
Your tears they fall with magnitude.
These people don’t know what they did to you.
They killed your inner life and stole,
the only thing that made you whole.
You try to fight this blackened life,
you try so hard just to survive
And it takes all you got
not to grab a knife,
write out a letter,
and say goodbye.
And as I watch through windows,
that most call eyes,
I watch the world crumble,
I watch the worlds demise.
And I’ll […]
I can’t think straight….I’m literally thinking about ending my life. My heart is saying ‘keep going you’ve made it this far’ but In my head. I’ve just about given up…. It hurts me… So much to know that if I end my life, so many people will be depressed. I have a lot of good friends but….. I still feel hollow… Like something is missing…. But the worst part is I’m CONSTANTLY crying and I CAN’T stop! No matter how hard I try!!! I can’t keep living this way. I’m trying not to give up, I’m trying to be as happy as I can but in […]
“wake up” no one says and she rises to a lonely cold morning, its only four and shes not tired.. she walks to the kitchen, feet padding softly on the white tile. The bright glow from the fridge lights up half of the small apartment and she sighs. “thanks for the dinner.” she muttered in pain, the girl hadn’t eaten in two days because everyone else got to the fridge first. after a burning hot shower she stood in front of the steamy mirror staring at her horrid reflection.. tan skin, almost boy short tangled hair and scars on her face.. the girls took her […]
This will be one messed up post because I’m messed up. To put that honestly straightly in the beginning. But I guess something comes out of this. Or I don’t know, every hour of work produces something. And someone more clever than me recommended doing this so here I am. I don’t know what my problem exactly is. I just don’t know where to go. Or what should I do with my life. There are so many people here and they have most horrible stories and mine wouldn’t be anything to compare. Not like we should compare or anything. Hah, I’m happy if someone make […]
Garrett’s moving. I’m never going to see him again. It just makes me want to tell him how I feel… But I just can’t. I won’t be hurt again. I refuse. I deserve better. I fucking deserve better than what I’ve got. I deserve happiness. I deserve love. Â Or maybe I don’t. I mean, how much can be taken away before I have nothing? I feel like I’m completely gone already. I feel like my heart’s been cut out. Ripped out, more like. I just want Garrett… I really do. But he’s gone. Today was his last day. I should have told him. But I […]
I thought time was supposed to heal wounds. After two years my wound has festered and become infected. The poison seeps through my veins, into my heart, and then to my brains. What a wretched, vile and putrescent  sickness that has overcome me. It seems time will only make it stronger
okay this has nothing to do with suicide i just need to get this out you don’t have to read if ya don’t want to.
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So my bff likes this guy and he’s amazing he’s taller than me (I’m 5’9 in the seventh grade) and he loves all the music I do, he connects with me, and we never get bored of eachother when we talk… it’s clear that i like him too. and I realllllyyy really like him, and I think he likes me (he always stares at me and smiles when I come and talk to him and smiles whenever he sees […]
everyday when i wake up, i feel my heart is being squeezed , it hurts so much that i cant take it anymore, just want to go back to sleep and never wake up. i feel so empty all the time
i have 2 rifles and a shotgun leaning against the wall, when i wake up i feel hurt and i stare at death against the wall, until im ready to accept it, i want to live and see the future, but i just cant stand feeling this way any longer, im afraid of waking up tomarrow, afraid that ill land a rifle round in my […]
My story isn’t much,its not as deep as people who have been abused or raped once or many more times though I have experienced some things very similar,I know its tough and scary.
Unlike many I still have my family. They don’t hurt me physically but sometimes mentally/emotionally. Always being angry at the small things I do. Complaining at everything I do and also costantly repeating what one says is too overwhelming when I’m stuck with it for all of my life so far. Not for too long but 4 more years or even longer seems way too much.
I’ve wanted to die since I was […]
im alive, im breathing,yeah. but i feel dead inside. there’s this empty place where my heart should be. i try to hold on so so hard for those who’d care. i know that some care,even if its just a few. some really try to help me, in every way possible,but obviously noone can tell my brain to stop talking. my mind continuously haunts me,my thoughts are impossible to escape. and i dont like the demons in my head. i don’t know how much longer i can handle being in my own skin,i’ll never be able to explain why i feel this way but i do. […]
“william Lewis shut the fuck or and piss off”
“what were the fuck am i”
the boy leans down from the tree
“you fucking spas your at school”
“ok i know that thank you ow wtf”
i look down and see the fag in my hand its bernd my thrum
“where did i get this fag from”
“me you twit” Louis looks out of the crowd of boys smoking
“o ok”
the bern terns in to a bone the Bone drops off all of a suddenly i feel despair stab my heart and the fag terns in to a scalpel
“wtf” i say freaked out now
“go on then you dick do it”
i loos control as the dream […]
we are shaking
and shaking so hard
but dont loose the grip
its all we’ve got
they cant see the pain
we feel in our heart
its like heartache
and making us falling apart
but we won’t give up
we will be stronger now
we will fight together
till we see the light through the clouds
we all gave up
when it was so hard
but its time to show them
who we are
we were not weak
we still arent
it was just the […]
So, I haven’t been on here for a few months actually, I thought my life turned around, at first my life seemed worthwhile, but…. I’m back. and honestly, this time I have no idea why. I shouldn’t be as sad as I am right now, I’m graduating highschool in a few months, I have to get a grad dress and a date. I have to decide what I want to be career-wise, but before that, college/university.. I should be ecstatic about all this happening right now.
but I’m not. Don’t ask me why, cause I don’t have an answer for you. Once again, I just feel […]
I look up and see the clouds above me. I feel pain and only pain when the rain falls. It feels like acid eating at my skin.
I feel pain with every key stroke on this post. I know you don’t get it. IT ALL HURTS.
I feel pain when see my phone, a piecing pain that shoots through me for every text from my so called friends.
The fake smile I put on for the world to see pulls on my heart telling me to cry. I stay dehydrated so IÂ don’t cry so none knows.
I stay strong don’t let it show. I see the faces of […]
so i took them, the pills. I just hope this time it works, this time nothing goes wrong. ive had too much. im not strong, im drained of the energy to deal with everything. i hope everyone’s life goes well. i dont want help anymore, i just want it to end. noone can know, it wont make anyone feel better. not many cared for me, but whoever did i hope everything gets better for them, hope they find someone to replace me soon. i pray my mom will be fine, and my little brother too, he kept me alive. i hope my dad will be […]
It seems that ever since I found out that my only love is expecting a child i’ve changed.
It was as if my heart had been poisoned..I thought it would surely kill me at first, the first week and a half that I spent crying, moaning, and begging for my life to be ended.
I’d even go out for walks late at night and hope someone would cause me harm. Kill me and leave my body in the gator infested swamps that someone or something may stand to gain from my life.
Pain so deep that it turned my heart black and my blood like tar. […]
I hurt. For a long time. The world fell apart… it collapsed beneath my feet. Things took a horrible turn, and I thought it was over. My pain would be gone. My hurt. My life. It would all be gone. And it didn’t feel bad about it, in fact it felt amazing. Then, I stopped myself. And things got better. I tried harder. I made myself feel better. But when you think about it, your pain is always going to be there. It’ll never leave you. That’s exactly what happened. It all came crashing back.
I’ve helped my friends. They’ve all had thoughts too. But, I […]
~Broken~
When will you learn?
That I am not always going to be there
For you to vent you’re anger on,
That I am not a toy to you,
And you will push me to the brink
I will hurt, over and over,
Cutting deeper and deeper
Until everything in me is ruined,
Until I have hurt so much it isn’t possible to hurt any more.
When will you try?
To help me
To stop hurting me
To make me feel like I was supposed to be born
To help me not be afraid
Of you,
Of trusting you,
Of loving you,
’cause I can’t survive the destroying of my heart
I won’t always be able to pick up the pieces,
To mold them […]