Im sick of fooling myself, giving into others so easily and selling my heart to those who will only spit on it a second later, i feel this incredible hurt but who can i tell? No one wants to even hear from me… all i have is myself and thats a Tragic thing… i have no one to turn to but the mirror in my bathroom.. no one but my own reflection, no one told us it would hurt this bad…
I have been battling depression since I was 12. In the beginning, people dismissed it easily. My parents thought I was just a “moody teenager”. I got used to simply distracting myself, locking myself in my room, listening to music, reading books and writing poetry as a release, almost like every other teenager it seemed, so I guess you could not really blame them for not noticing. The main difference between me and most of my peers from school was that I had self-harm thoughts at least since I was 14. When I was 13 I witnessed my cousin’s abuse (mainly emotional but […]
I don’t think anyone knows the battle you have with your own mind. Day in and day out. Then the people who set you off yell at you and blame you as if it not their fault. Frankly if you set anyone off and blame them they will get mad. So why blame it on the person who is already upset with daily living.
Frankly one day i will have enough courage to kill myself. The thought of leaving the world and the pain and suffering actually makes me more excited for death to come. To think that i will not be in pain […]
I want to die at my 15th birthday….it will be soon in 15 august,I decided it because I can’t live anymore….pain seems endless.like I don’t deserve happiness…Like I live only for pain…,maybe my heart is beating but I’m already dead inside..everything seems like hell!I don’t wanna feel this ….I just want to sleep FOREVER!
As I sat there awakening from my dream-like state of fog that seems to be ever surrounding, whether it be sleep or the lack thereof, I realized that my morning ritual was left undone. So, I loaded bullet into the cylinder and give it a spin. Pulling back the hammer, I thought about the round I was using. It couldn’t be your standard run of the mill .44 mag round, for it could pass right through leaving me a vegetable. Potato or squash? Neither, because I was using a frag round, as to insure the job got done right. You see, the frag round breaks […]
Last night, I had a bittersweet dream…….. I wasn’t depressed and I was with my friends and family and we were having a good time. I cant remember all the details just little bits and pieces. I remember me and my old best friend were  at the beach with two girls laughing, having fun, happy, smiling, and enjoying the time. when I awoke this morning and realized I was still here and that I had been dreaming it felt like I had been punched in the heart. To come back to reality and realize none of those things happened is devastating. I wish I could […]
I want to feel I’m punishing myself, I feel like this since I was teenage. looking for the most painful methods, hate life, hate myself, planning attempting.
I want to shoot the point between my breasts, aim to my heart, I could shoot my stomach first just for pain. if I didnt die, I’d shoot my heart.
Roses are red
Violets aren’t blue
My hurt skips beats
When I’m with you
Your eyes so big
My heart so blue
You can not see
It yearns for you
Blind to it
I know its true
But god almighty
I wish he knew
Every second I think of you
Thoughts are endless they hurt too
Like a twisting rode
Plunged threw my heart
We are forever
Ment to be apart
Not gods will
Your just to smart
Relationships
All ways tend to part
So we stay friends
Makes my heart depart
But friends are forever
that’s a start
If one day you should change […]
Tonight is the last meeting of a Suicide Survivors group that I’ve been going to for a months. Its a group for people who have survived at least one suicide attempt in the last year. I adore the group members and hope them all the best… it breaks my heart thinking that I will be abandoning them in the following weeks; Â I believe its better to disapear then to make any announcement that I will be following through with my exit plan. It fills me with sadness to imagine any of the other members doing what I will be doing to myself… I baked cupcakes […]
who ever reads this, Hi to you.
I salute myself that I have got the courage to create an account and post my first story that I always kept in my heart. My story in short, I still LOVE him. I spent the best five years with him and all of a sudden we broke up and we both love each other, shall I blame it to the circumstance? or blame us?
Now two years past, my feelings are the same. I LOVE HIM. no day passes without thinking of him and checking all his social media accounts 🙁
Tell me how can I ignore my heart and move […]
I have a reason to stay alive. I know nobody cares but for so long I barely lived with any reason but now I found him. He brings me pure happiness. For the first time I have a smile that is really mine. Behind closed eyelids no longer am I haunted with nightmares and worry but peace and knowing when I wake up he will be there right beside me. When I feel his warmth the coldness in my heart melts away and I am left feeling such strong love that it keeps my thoughts so far away and I can actually live. I am […]
I’ve been on an antidepressant and it’s been working pretty well, until I had to handle stress. Lately I’ve been very stressed, to the point of cutting again. Other then that the antidepressant seemed to be working, currently I feel like dying and my heart is racing a mile a minute. Do I tell my doctor, or just keep it quiet?? I have an appointment tomorrow AM, so please give advice asap!
I can feel myself almost needing to go, I can’t stand to look anybody in the eyes anymore. I hate them. I hate that they will remember me if I go. IÂ just want to be gone, and forgotten… Sinking, slowly to the bottom of the ocean. It feels like I will never be able to breathe again… Why should I stick around, just to get my heart broken again, my dreams crushed and my hopes thrown off a cliff? I shouldn’t.. I don’t want to.. it seems like every breathe is a point for the other side in my losing battle…. I just don’t […]
Well… I don’t know… I have three older brothers my first brother is 15 years older than me so I pretty much grew up without him, my second oldest brother is 12 years older hes nice sometimes but it seems like he’s always obsessing over me.. He calls me baby and says he loves me and gives me hugs and kisses most of the time forcefully and smacks my butt and I scream at him to stop and my youngest brother is 5 years older than me… He’s my closest brother.. It was so hard for me when he left for college.. I didn’t know […]
I like fighting, as a sport and life I guess. I really want it all to end. But I can’t bring myself to end it, I really want something out of my control to give me a fight I can’t win for my demise. Apparently that’s tougher than it seems, I’ve been hit by 2 cars in 1 week and it left me with little more than some bruises. I’ve survived 7 attempts (apparently I’m bad at it) and numerous accidents growing up and I wake up almost astonished that I’m still on the planet. I seriously walk around miserable and I can’t do anything […]
Tonight I will close my eyes, knowing, that what is at the end of a needle or at the bottom of a bottle is more important than me. It is not a feeling or a thought. It is a fact. My life is worth less than a $20 dollar rush. I have had two days to ponder this and it has finally sink in. If God did not get his message through the first time with the first guy, He definitely got it through the second time with the new guy. I am not worth the effort or the time. I am a waste of […]
I wanna know what I did so horrible to get such a harf life like this I’m only 17 yrs old I lost my brother & dad to suicide I’m homeless my mom couldn’t care any less about me. It seems like all everyone ever wants to do is hurt & break me down What have I done to get such a hard life? Im terrified or death but it seems like its the only way out of this piece of shit life I have? What is the real meaning of all that I’m being put through cause it isnt to make me stronger. I […]
And again the cycle is repeated. The nights are the worst. That’s when the thoughts are prevalent. And what is it that stops me? It’s the idea of my body. No one deserves to find a loved one dead,especially if it’s at his own hand. Children need to live happy lives,not be scarred and tortured with gruesome images. No one deserves this pain. I want my life to be extinguished. The pain doesn’t matter because in the end I will succeed. The nights get colder and colder. My sheets aren’t enough. There is no warmth in my heart,just a void that never seems to end. […]
you see that title? thats a quote i picked that quote of the internet because it sounds mostly like me….
It hurts because its true i am that lonely person when i was in school people who didnt know anything about me would look at me and i would seem the hyper one in that class i was happy and thats because i wanted people to see me like the happy one and the hyper and crazy one yeah it worked it was a good way to not show anybody i was most of all trying to keep everyone smiling whenever my friend is down i […]
Dear sp, don’t comfort me, I’ve done something terrible. I let my family influence me once again. I’m leaving this place – not killing myself, just leaving my family. Im different maybe than all of you. I think you’re nicer than me. Â whatever I ever wrote on here was sincere, from my heart, but it’s not enough. I’m weak. Everyone has been so caring and helpful.
The one part of myself I thought was ok is gone.
I’m just a fuck up. I just absolutely fucking hate myself.