I’m seen from a window high in the sky, when i dive into this scene that i live through frame by frame, each isolated, but in each i can see feel and hear any and everything, i can hear fingers plucking guitar strings, how the grease from them stick to the strings and pluck them off-tempo as fingers release pressure. I get lost in a pink haze of stage smoke while i’m hypnotized by voices and sounds. To look then into the past and remember that constantly I get the reflex of eating with my elbow up, It hit me whilst i ate something in the […]
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holding on
Yesterday I was at the condo unit of my friend with some blockmates. We decided to hang out there. They have 3 doubled deck. I lay down on the top bed near the window. I tried opening the window but they were mad at me. Maybe they know that I might jump out of the window. They know how crazy and mad I am. But I told them I wouldn’t jump. Not yet. And they let me open it but they were guarding me. I opened it and took my feet out. I looked down. I was very tempted to jump. It’s like I can […]
For a time there, I was wondering what I should do.
For a time there, I’ve been thinking about my future.
For a time there, I’ve thought about moving forward
For a time there, I started looking towards a different tomorrow.
But, that wasn’t it.
I let myself believe that it could be better.
I let myself believe that I would change.
Maybe because I’m weak.
and I’m wracked with crippling fear.
But I finally figured it out.
Right now, I’m only holding on to one thing.
When it finally breaks,
I already figured out what to do.
What I want to do.
It’s not today
Or tomorrow.
But.
I finally figured out […]
I’ve been putting it off the suicidal thoughts or attempts. I just wake up and live everyday. Hoping, waiting.. For what I know will never come. I relive every possible discussion, decision or thoughts or reasons that I had in my mind that led me to this point. Hope and support that ppl of sp bring. I just live and don’t like it. I try and forget, but I don’t. The memories are trapped inside me of a life with someone that will never happen again. I try and do what support suggests, ask myself if theres any hope. And I know there isnt. Doesnt […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-cD4oLk_D0
You are a day ahead in New Zealand, so today is the 9th there, it is your birthday. I already said happy birthday to you earlier, but what would be more fitting than a birthday post on SP, where we met almost two years ago. You have been my dearest and longest friend, my little brother. “Back then I was a lonesome rogue who stumbled across a little fox in the snow, wounded with nowhere to go.” There isn’t anything I can say here that I haven’t said to you before, or vice versa. Despite different aliases from time to time, we’ve moved on from […]
Cutting myself feels very weird. I don’t do it often, but days like today remind me of what it feels like. and I’m sorry for everyone here who does it on a regular basis. You’re strong for holding on.
Sometimes I wonder if there really is an alternate universe, or another life, or a life in a life. And whatever might happen when you’re dead and your feet are no longer touching the ground.
What do you feel after you die? What do you see? Is everything pitch black, you with no thoughts whatsoever, you literally just gone? Are you really going to be up there, with a God who just so promised to have plans for you? Plans for your life? Or is there another life, where, once you’re dead, you live again. Live another life. Reborn. Forget your past life and just move forward. Start new.
Sometimes […]
That worthless feeling the knowing that its true. I can’t help but to feel so dumb for holding on to hope I should have went through with it. I should have known that it was too good to be true. Now I’m past depressed and I’m filled with so much hate I cant fucking deal with myself.. They say live life with no regrets but it still living life that I regret ????
After two attempts at my life in the matter of two weeks me and my husband went to the doctors go more medicine and some new ones he’s holding on to them because it’s easy to overdose on them I’m mad but I understand I guess he loves me and I love him I don’t know why I’m so addiment about killing myself
”…1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
Throw ’em back, till I lose count
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier.
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist.
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry.
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier.
But I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes.
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight.
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes.
Keep my glass full until morning light, […]
I have been in mental anguish , agony for far too long. I don’t care you’re age or gender or even locale. I just want someone to talk about anything and everything. Maybe , we could help each other. I’ve been holding on for 7 years.
Email foxtrotz at aol
Bobby
it’s not a good start I know, but I’m on the edge. and I try and try to hold on even when I want to let go.
But, I’m torn. I’m so…torn between letting go and holding on. I’m holding on for the love that burns me whole, for the woman that held me anchored to this earth for almost six years. the more I try and show her my twisted heart the more I push her away into another’s arms. and my heart bleeds. it just makes it all the more harder to keep the promise I made her, to be there for her […]
ever feel like you’re losing everything? you watch from a distance, but even from another perspective, you can’t manage to make sense of what’s happening.
so you choose just one thing to hold onto. it doesn’t really matter what it is, but you make it mean everything, because you need something to stay. you need this one thing for the world to revolve around because if the world doesn’t have an axis then what the fuck. you’re too scared to let go, you might fall and you have no idea where you will land.
but happens when you start to doubt that one thing? when […]
I tell myself everyday when i wake up that things will get better. I was told that this is therapeutic… can they be anymore wrong? I cry everyday until my face becomes numb. Constantly being told that i should suck it up and also telling myself that i don’t need any professional help. They say everything works out on it’s own terms , but it feels as if my life is slowly spiraling downwards. This is Hell in my opinion. Feeling as if there is nothing i can do to change it. I’m stuck in the same sorry cycle. I told myself that […]
Dear Mia,
If it’s 2 am and you find yourself in a world of complete despair, please don’t turn to strangers on the internet for help, like I once did.
Please climb into bed with me and I will hold you until the demons sleep. If it’s Monday morning and you are too sad to move, I won’t force you. School can wait, work can wait.
I will go buy us ice cream and we will watch your favorite TV shows and I will remind you of your importance. If you feel as if you have no purpose, I will remind you that you were created entirely […]
I’m not sure where to begin, other than to say my life has completely spiraled out of control. And I am beginning to feel too weak to bear this on my own. I have a child and I am trying to keep it together for her, but when u have feelings of despair it is so so hard. Right now I am in therapy and will be seeing my doctor soon to possibly prescribe me for anti depressants. I am taking steps in all the right directions to try and get better. I just don’t know if this is even working. My daughters father, whom […]
The only thing that burns in Hell is the part of you that won’t let go of your life; your memories, your attachments. They burn ’em all away. But they’re not punishing you, he said. They’re freeing your soul. […] If you’re frightened of dying and holding on, you’ll see devils tearing your life away. But if you’ve made your peace then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the Earth
im at this point where I just want to end it all.
the only bad thing is, i’m trying so hold to hang on.
most people say, well if you had time to write this, then you aren’t going to do this.
I want to so bad but I don’t want to.
I want to die so I don’t have to deal with these people anymore
so I don’t have to feel sad anymore
but I can’t wait for the day I leave for my grandparents house.
that’s the only reason i’m holding on.
I just wany yhis pain to end.
I don’t WANT to die, but that’s the only way I know how […]
I’m sorry I can’t save you. I’m sorry I’m not smart enough. Not great enough. Not rich enough.
I’m sorry for being stupid enough to keep fighting a dying battle.
But you are my reason, and I’m sorry I keep holding on to that reason. I’m sorry I cannot forget you.
I’m sorry I couldnt save you.
Isn’t is funny how easily auto-pilot comes on in the very darkest of days? The lies flow so smoothly. I talk about fixing my car, getting an apartment. I continue my discussions about long-term career goals. All the while, I stare at the person I’m talking to, wondering distantly if this will be the last time I talk to them. It’s just that everyone seems so far away at this point. My plans have become my obsession. I have tunnel vision. Besides a vague, quickly released thought, I can’t allow myself to think too deeply about them and the effects my actions will have. But […]
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