As I watched my husband walk out of the door, leaving my daughter crying for him to “take me with you” or “don’t go daddy” it hit me like a brick. I was that little girl. I cried for my daddy to stay….. My husband has worked for almost 3 weeks straight. Nights. Not by choice. But tonight, his first night off, he chose to go to a sporting event. My daughter’s heart was/is broken. She cried for an hour, I cried with her. Unable to comfort her because I was hurting too. I tried to explain to my husband but he just got mad […]
Tag:
hurting
I told him I was hurting. I told him today had been hell, but he has his own problems. I try so hard to keep him going. Even when he’d rather just end it. I try so hard to keep him happy. Tonight? Tonight I needed him. I needed him so badly. He just let me drown. Now I’m in bed at 9:45 waiting for tomorrow to begin. I thought I was more important than this. I thought I was someone special. Then he just let me drown.
I can’t stop thinking about him. I crushed so hard on him in high school and no matter what, I cannot forget about him. He radiated absolute joy, and no matter what silly or stupid thing I talked about with him, it felt so good. I’m terrified and so saddened that this has happened, or that these suppressed feelings may continue to eat at me. I can’t keep this down, as it always comes back up and I am in tears again. Perhaps it’s stupid, absolutely meaningless and totally irrational, but I can’t deny it, and the fact that I haven’t told him or anyone […]
Is it wrong that every night my tears stain my pillowcase. No one notices i often slip back into the mindset where i just see no point. Everyday i pray to God to give me the courag e to end it. Why am i not good enough??? Why???? I just want it to be over not tommorow, not the next day, but today. I hate myself. I hate my life. No one cares about me. No one loves me. I am giving up. What do i do????? They can’t tell that my will to live has disappeared. They can’t tell that my leg shakes because […]
The sensation that deprive your mind of any kind of goal oriented thinking and at the same time produce a will for getting rid of itself. The way it is felt is immense and it takes over other feelings much like an orgasm. Although momentarily but lasts its mark on your body, soul or your heart. Whenever you get reminded of your pain, of any time, you immediately know what is the feeling and how you would feel if to endure that pain again….But pain unfortunately has a habit of being recurrent. Normally brain would push the pain of the past to the farthest corners […]
I’m not really sure what I want to say here…I feel like I’m doing better now, I’m out of counseling, back in school, still facing challenges. I’m still trying to be the person I want to be, but I find it difficult since I’m stubborn and always focus on the past, and I still get anxiety around people I don’t know, and I still have vengeance for those who hurt me or are hurting, and I don’t want to be like that… Anyone know good tips or advice to help me be a better compassionate person?
I’m about 13 hours too late when i read a farewell post by Wndozh8r. Very upsetting to see him go but i understand both sides.
SP, i just wish you would rethink this rule. People contemplating suicide will either do it or not. It’s just a matter of time for me. If it weren’t for Wndozh8r there would’ve been good chance that i would suffer a very painful attempt and survive. My family, friends and colleagues would find out my dark secret. I could even be locked up in a pysch ward. My survival would be a bigger nightmare than this current one I’m living.
Even though […]
So my Nurse Practitioner prescribed me Sertraline for anxiety and depression. It has been making me feel worse! In the morning I am at school, and I am really jumpy and as one of the teachers says “wiggly” and then after lunch I’m really down, all I can think about is going home and hurting myself . Mostly I just think about getting a knife and cutting my face.
Today I feel sick, my stomach hurts and I feel like I gotta throw up. Ugh I hate these meds. First week of my Senior year of high school and my emotions are all over the place.
Has […]
49 yo and want to end my miserable existence. I just can’t cope anymore with this depression, and Ptsd. It has eaten me alive and destroyed any hope that I had. I have everything planed out, and with urges getting stronger every day, I don’t think it will be to long before I follow through. It breaks my heart knowing the pain I will cause those near and dear to me, but alive I am hurting them just as much if not more.
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME YIU DINT KNOW HOW IT HURTS IT HURTS YOURE HURTING ME BUT YOURE TRYING TO HELP YOURE HURTING ME YOURE HURTING ME YOURE HURTING ME YOURE HURTING WHY WHY WHY WHY DONT YOU UNDERSTAND WHY WHY WHY WHY YOU COME IN SHOUTING AT ME SAYING “what’s going on? What’s going on?” BUT I DONT KNOW. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. YOURE HURTING ME YOURE DRIVING ME CLOSER ANS CLOSER THOUGH YOURE TRYING TO HELP AND I APPRECIATE IT BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FUCK OFF. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND SO DONT INTERVENE. PLEASE LET ME […]
It never seems to end. I am 24 now and I am still depressed. I have been to six different psychiatrists/therapists and I have been on many meds. I still spiral down into deep depression. I have been threatening to kill myself for years but I don’t have the guts. A part of me does not want to die. It’s like I have this thing inside me that is evil and wants to kill me. It wants to hurt me. I always get more sad when I think about killing myself. It’s like someone else is killing me. I feel like a victim of myself. […]
its all my fault… hes at his breaking point and im sure hes goig to leave. tired of my bullshit. i got upset over the past trust is gone. heart is caving in knowing he must be dying. all my fault… he has a rage he cant control and might hurt himself or someone else. i always hurt the people around me. im a fuck up. now hes hurting and i cant fix it. all my fault… promised him i wouldnt cut and almost broke it. my fault… we’re both hurting becase i was being childish.ill take every hit from everyone who has hurt because […]
It all started when I was in elementary my mom couldn’t afford an apartment or a house. so we had to live out of her boyfriends van. After living in the car for like a couple of months we moved to a homeless shelter. It was hard going to school because I couldn’t be like the other kids. For me after school was just going back to the shelter and that was it. I didn’t really get to play much and if I did play I would play with my older brother. I have 2 older brother but my oldest brother got kidnapped by his […]
Not that I want to hurt anyone my choice isn’t to hurt the people most suicidal people have thoughts of hurting other people not me though….Maybe tomorrow will be different if you actually open your eyes and see how your living don’t have the same thoughts about the darkness an pain try to reach out of the darkness into the light suicide isn’t the way out its just a break from the least horrible things once you die you have nothing and cant be anything anymore because you wanted to get away….I know how it is to be afraid of your own mind I understand. To feel like […]
Lately my aunts been telling me i do or did things yeti have no memory of it, the other day she finally lost it and said i was just fucked up in the head and said she had to walk oug to resist beating the shit out of me. Thats all i remember but i woke up in the middke of the night my arm hurting and by the looks of it i stabbed myself with scissors. The next day i noticed the skin around it turning green, is that bruising from the impact or should i be worried, idk i just didnt know where […]
This is 2nd my post. I am not suicidal right now. But it still feels worse.
Yesterday I took the knife pressed it’s sharp end on my wrist. It didn’t cut. But it was the closest I came to hurting myself. Today I want to hurt myself but I don’t have the courage. I hope when I cut myself, the little cut will open and all the frustration and negative things go outside. There’s too much dark content inside me, that needs to get out.
Is it good that I think that cutting is better than suicide. Can cutting can relieve me off this desperation or whatever […]
Would be nice to be dead.
And I hope that it will happen soon.
I never really had a chance to regain my life.
Once you’ve been down, you stay down.
Some make it back up, some just don’t.
I’ve been struggling for the last two years to regain pieces of me that were. But no such luck.
Hurting myself in the ways I do is the only way I know how.
Someone please tell me why after all I’ve been through, after all the measures I’ve taken to make sure I never wound up back there again, why am I back there again? Why am I losing everything that has ever mattered to me in a matter of less than two weeks? Why does it seem he doesn’t love me anymore, even though two weeks ago, we got engaged? Why do I feel as if nobody cares for me anymore? Why am I slipping back into the place of just wanting to die and end my life, and nobody would care anyway? I know it’s a […]
To those who got a harsh day tday, i jus ran out of energy tday so i did nth, no hurting myslf, humans need sm rest i guess, suiciding got bored..?
i hope all of u are still fine frm a day like that, momentarily, of course i still do wish nth bad happen later
goodnight.
(well, jus enjoy one or only one good night for the coming suffocating day..)
Ive made mental lists physical lists of pros and cons. Ive tried to envision how my choice impacts all others. Will it be better or worse for them? Will i truly be better off? I know im tired of hurting and fighting and some people in my estimation will be better off. That’s one of the hard parts of struggling with suicidal thoughts. Unlike other big decisions you cant honestly consult close friends or experts and get good useful feedback like you can with other big decisions. I know i want to stop hurting and i dont want others to hurt either by my continued […]