I said i wasnt gonna come on here but i dont know what the fuck im doing because im going to a dance with a nice boy tonight but im almost crying right now because i think i look fucking stupid and i dont even wanna go to the dance and i have to meet his parents before it so his mom can take pictures and if they analyze me they’ll probably notice my wrists and i dont want them to and this boy deserves someone better who isnt anxious like i am
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I wake up everyday still with thoughts, regrets and choices ive made n just have to keep breathing n moving. I have no motivation to do anything, i feel i deserve to feel this way. Like i shouldnt have dared to try and live a good life. Im numb to everything, stuck sulking in my mind. But day by day i keep waking up, empty, half alive. Praying for it to be over. I want this. I cant believe i want this
Just came from work, and im wondering how funny things are you know.
How pointless can we get, how hard it gets when one way that you can get conforted to live is that you know that you can die tomorrow somehow, this is sad, and deep, and it hurts.
How hard is to keep going when you got no proof of nothing , when you know that you can be great or nothing, but the only thing that u are sure is: u failed hard and you lost the light, is not only a loss, is even worst, is part of you, the living part?
And to help […]
He talks to me like im stupid and a bad mother. Im terrified of him as well…. im so far from home ive got no way to get back there away from him… im trapped here forever I guess…
last saturday swallowed about 50, 500 mg acetaminophen tablets spent the entire night throwing up. spent several days nauseous, eventually went to the doctors(they dont know about overdose). then i swallowed about 15 more pills but im not feeling any side effects after it. i just want to die and i heard acetaminophen is one way to go
I stoped hanging out with my bestie and going out or even doing the fun things i use to do i dont like to go out i feel i been keeping to my self i hate feeling sad ugly fat im depressed and i will see doc soon i hope i can get better i always say im ok to not worry those who love me and see the good in me but im feel sad im sorry im not best at typing i do have a learning disabilty and dislexia hope ur day night is a good one its damn in morning and still […]
Maybe I would be different if I had someone to speak with. Someone that I trusted. Unfortunately for me, fortunately for others, I don’t.
But I guess that’s fine. No one ever cared anyway.
I am such a coward. I wish I would just be brave enough to forget about everything and die. But im a coward and I hate myself even more for it.
Today Im on lunch and i get a picture message on instagram from an ex showing my gf on her exs page. Earlier saturday I brought up the fact she hasnt been talking to me for a while as she has been. we used to call every night and until saturday we barely called once a week so i knew something was up. then the last pic showed her on oovoo with her ex when she stated she hated oovoo. for 8 months we dated i spent about 700 dollars on her(I calculated) for her to leave me for a “gangsta”. I told the guy […]
I haven’t been on here in what seems to be forever .
Im sad to say my days are worsening . I don’t feel anything anymore . I feel nothing . Im exhausted .
It’s me i haven’t killed myself yet still thinking of January or just before. My father may have something wrong with his kidneys and i don’t want to watch him die my god mother has something wrong with her heart and i know death is approaching fast so my death must approach i am only worried about leaving my mom without money especially if dad dies im a big part of what keeps money coming in.i don’t know how to change that in fact it breaks my heart.i know they’ll be looked after by god even after im gone i just worry about them.im not […]
Its going to 8am n im awake cant sleep so much on my mind i really hate feeling so sad and always thinking and worrying im so pissed off with my own family member her actions really get to me like then i get told dont worry about wat she does dont stress it but it does hurt even when my mom is upset being an only child would of been great but that is not how it is
Im sitting in the back room at the bar I ust to work at. Waiting for my friend to have free time from the tables shes serving. My heart is racing in the pit of my stomach. I want to vomit. My head hurts. Im crying and I dont know what to do anymore. I need help.
For fucks sake! Can somebody please shut that fucking dog up?!
Its the middle of the night, 02:15 am to be more exactly and I cant sleep because this fucking dog wont shut up.
I swear, if it doesn’t shut up, my rage will reach boiling point and I wont be responsible for my own actions.
It keeps barking and howling, and it wont let me sleep. The images in my head wont go away. Im sick of it. I fucking hate it.
Now Im crying…
I have a friend today. And that’s all that matters to me in this moment. Im so scared. I just want an escape. I just want a friend to hold me. I just want someone to be there for me. I just want closure.
i guess it’ve been a while since i last posted you know ..
i’ve been away in trying to reach the one inside of me , my soul , my inner thoughts and such stuff looking for inside peace … im not saying i’ve reached it though ! jaja ..
all i got to these weeks is that i am really beautiful somehow .. and to always remind myself to love it ..
when i ever don’t know what to do ,, i’d just do nothing .. stick up to good thoughts , enjoy everything that i could .. and i don’t know […]
I’m laying in bed on the verge of saying fuck it and shutting it all down. The hardest part is actually finding the perfect method.. At this point im completely calm and collected, I just want it to be as painless as possible. I’ve actually died once before for a few seconds. And remained in intensive care and on suicide watch after attempting an overdose. But from past experiences, over dose hasn’t actually worked. Sadly its my go to method, mostly because I either dont have resources for other methods, or it seems too painful. I just want to go as peacfully as I can.
Words can never fully describe how emotionally bent I am. Seriously. Im at my wits end. My parents disapproval of me being gay, my physical ailment. My constant mental battle of staying alive is no longer pulling in my favor. Its stressful, I feel weak. Unworthy. Drained. I give up…
hi guys, im still here, should be getting admitted into hospital this week for help
Im officially dead inside. Walked to the bridge and wanted to jump. I walked to the train tracks and thought the same thing. Im suicidal again and that makes it harder to fuckn deal with being depressed i cant wait to kill myself. To be free of all this pain. Now i have to cut so i can chill out enough to sleep.. I hope i never wake up
I was born august 17 1997. Im 18 now and i have been brutuly depressed since i was 9. I was in the group home since i was 9 and got out 4 years ago cuz i couldnt stand being so depressed. I was left alone and have been alone for a very long time. My family has abandoned me and i cant stand this feeling of beeing lonely. I have hallusonations and visions and sleep paralysis. I have been homeless for 3 years. Im dead broke and i only smoke weed and drink not often. Im so stuck. I want to die but i […]