I don’t know anything about you but I do think it will be a shame if you leave this world. Intelligent people gaze at the moon getting lost in the night. On the other hand, foolish people stare at the sun blinding themselves in the light. The sun starers think they are powerful but their blindness deludes them. As the saying goes, “knowledge is power.” One group can only see nothing but the other group can see everything. Do you know which group you are, Trix? From what I gathered, it’s the group that can see everything, However, you wish you were a part of […]
I use to do a fun random quote of the day for my friends in the morning…here are some of them. Thought you guys might some of them funny.
Well, aren’t we a fun filled lollipop tripled dipped in psycho?
Me Crazy? Don’t make me get down off my unicorn and slap you!
Hey, I’ll be back in 5 minutes, but if I am still not back just read this message again.
Starting tomorrow – whatever life throws at me, I am just going to duck so it hits someone else.
My friend thinks he is so smart, he said onions are the only foods that make you cry. So […]
Faced some harsh truths this weekend. I’m probably just as, if not more heartless than I perceive those around me. The deep angry hatred for everything is growing. I’m conflicted. How can I be so full of hate and be so empty?
I’ve committed some unspeakable atrocity. In the name of self righteous vengeance. The sad reality, I’m not capable of hating anyone more than I hate myself.
My, wife, surely abuses me. But I guess I deserve it. I’m a terrible person. I’ve done and do despicable things. I have nothing good to give anyone.
I tried to kill myself long before her. I will again whether […]
I thought you might like to see my old point shoes, (dead) I never used these as I switched over to Bloch and I find Bloch is a much more superior pointe shoe than these. But as you can see, the ribbons are gone off these along with the elastics. I didn’t put on toe pads so it’s just bone one packed leather here. LOL I do not suggest that by the way. These how ever have a traditional rounded box and high vamp, my newer ones have a broad box mid vamps with a soft shank. The ones in the picture have a hard […]
So, I had a great last day. I swam, I surfed, I fell off my board a few times, got smashed up the last time. Pic to prove it. I laid on the beach, I just got down with a long soak in the tub. I’m changed and I am about to go down soon for a very light last meal. I know I have to have a empty stomach in which to take “N”.
My last night is beginning….I’m waiting for […]
I’m doing ok currently, although I feel lost in myself. Not because there’s much to me, but that there’s nothing, and I feel lost in nothingness, as if consumed by it, if it makes any sense. It’s been some days since I had these light quasi-psychosis episodes, and I’ve been trying to meditate a bit on these strange thoughts I got at those times, and although they seem crazy, I have only emptiness apart from them. It’s not necessarily bad and I don’t intend to complain about it, it is rather peaceful this way, although shallow and melancholic at times. In any case, I was […]
It’s ironic how our life experiences are meant to make us the people we are meant to be but they seem to be crippling us at the same time pushing me right to the edge is this my destiny to live in the shade were the light in the dark ?
One thing about being in a stretch of insomnia is that the rest of you are probably sound asleep, dreaming amazing dreams while I am sitting here typing.
Random things I think about while sitting here alone and awake:
If insomnia kills brain cells, I will probably forget my ABC’s by this time next week. Who am I again?
If, after we die, we get to go to another world where our wishes finally get granted, I would love to live in a tiny seaside cottage with a wonderful guy who honestly loves me. It would be wonderful if he played the cello. I picture a flower bed […]
Okay, so maybe this is a bit unfair of me to ask at this moment in time…..as I haven’t never posted till tonight. BUT:
Have any of you ever really felt numb? I thought I had and I had to some rearguards….however tonight and as of this week, I realize something more.
And pls forgive me ahead of time, I have been drinking, but this is something I have found this past week…and I am sitting here…still waiting for my CHURRO!!! As if anyone can hear me, while the band is playing loud and I have turned down several offers of dances….I should probably take someone up […]
2016 Valentine’s Day coping mechanism:
Had insomnia the night before…. stayed awake until 7:00 in the morning on the 14th. Slept for a little bit, then woke up with migraine. Took migraine prescription and went back to bed, slept until 6:00 in the afternoon at which time my back and bone pain woke me up.
Took pain meds, sat in bed. Ate a snack.
Turned on the laptop, checked e-mail (nothing from anyone), and surfed around for a moment before […]
I’ ve written here once before how I was going to kill myself by train. http://suicideproject.org/2015/12/suicidal-but-not-depressed-2/ Surprise, surprise I survived going in front of the train. Don’t know how it is possible, but here I am. They must build weird trains here.
I first became concsiously aware of myself in the mental hospital and I don’t remember going to suicide nor being in the hospital/half of mental hospital. I had head trauma and broken coral bone and that’s it. I wish I had died and don’t know what to do now.
I still don’t want to live but I am short […]
I always find it incredible, how, if we are ever able to get through extremely difficult times, we are never get affected by the same situations in the same way again. We become more resilient–like a weed or a drug-resistant strain of bacteria or a powerful virus.
We emerge from the dark tunnel and the world opens up. Once we accept our new worldview, we can’t ever go back. The same thoughts have a different nuance. We can’t be who we once were–ever.
Maybe that’s why “wise” people warn us of going down certain precarious paths. We can either stay innocent and not realize the world, or […]
Feel so stuck like everyone around me their lives are falling together and mine falling apart I’m in the dark and everyone is in the light moving and I’m staying still and alone in the dark when people say things get better do they really ? That’s one thing I fear now after after my 2nd attempt what happens if I stick around and they don’t get better
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
My cuts say just how much I despise myself. I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. I see a monster. A fragment and shadow of a person I used to be. Was I ever alive? I definitely don’t feel alive. I constantly need something to remind me that I’m alive.
I don’t know why my heart is still beating. It should have stopped a long time ago. I just keep postponing the inevitable. I will die anyway. We all will. So, why don’t I just end it now? I want it to end now. End it now before it gets broken and hurt […]
If you will, allow me this brief moment to give my earnest.
Time to awaken, princess. The sky is waiting; reincarnation or fallen, those your fates.
O, lost soul wandering purgatory, will you take my hand?
Before the moon wanes upon this moment, I’ll hold you gently if you want me to.
I can hear your heart shivering in the silence
even though I’m just stroking your blushing cheek.
Perhaps this honest appearance scares you
yet you’re wrong to assume I’m an angel.
A vampire to savor your nectar,
an incubus to steal your soul,
a ghost to possess you…
Everything and more to sate your ease
yet the honey in my words and feathers in my […]
It is almost 5:30 in the morning here.
I have been awake all night long.
I’m going to try to go to sleep again in a few minutes.
Yesterday I printed out my funeral wishes (and other legal papers involving end-of-life issues), signed them, and gave them to two of the officials I trust at my place of worship.
They probably assumed my concern was due to my declining health and the degenerative disabilities which aren’t getting better.
They know I am depressed, although I haven’t mentioned the […]
I hate waking up in the mornig, and do the same fucking thing I did the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that day.
face the same assholes every fucking day.
my life sucks.
help?
I want to be able to give you the stars to pick them from the dark empty misty sky as they shine for you but I fear you’ll only use them as stepping stones to get further away from me. the moon longs to be appreciated shining into your life but you only use it to light your way. the wind moves and whispers your name on a frosty deadly night yet you ignore it as you strive for your goal. though I could give you the world, my world. you only use it to get higher and higher. always wanting more. never taking in […]