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in the

what have i done?

by death bunny 12/30/2015

written by death bunny

since i fell into the black pit of depression suicide always seemed like an option. well, not anymore. ever since my girlfriend gave birth to our child i feel, morally, that it’s not appropriate for me to kill myself, no matter how low i get.

many times it seems like a mistake, having this child. on one hand, i don’t want him to grow up without a father, on the second hand, i don’t want to be miserable for the rest of my life. i’ve been depressed long enough to know that it won’t go away. it’s who i am.

shit, i can’t even cut myself. maybe […]

12/30/2015 0 comment

My 10 things..

by tiredthoughts 12/30/2015

written by tiredthoughts

To read all my walking dead novels, I got a couple for xmas.
Look for and succeed in finding a data entry or typing job.
To keep learning all that I can from free Careerlink classes. So I can excel in the job I want.
Change my attitude because I don’t want to keep feeling sorry for myself.
I want to help others if I can.
Move on and Maybe meet someone!
I want to travel to other states.
I want to see my fav band again August Burns Red. Well I left early and missed them in November.
Spend more time with my family, especially since I skipped xmas and missed them.
And […]

12/30/2015 18 comments

10 New Years resolutions

by nicole123 12/30/2015

written by nicole123

I feel like it would be fun to see all of yours too . These are mine.

1. Find something I’m passionate about . I really want to find something to put my time and energy into . Art ? Music ? I have a great ear my friend tells me . And I love going to shows. I think I would like to buy a synthesizer . I’m really into some funky music.

2. Pass my dental assisting radiology and infection control exams . I’m coming close to the date to take them and I’m nervous . After I take these tests I can get […]

12/30/2015 5 comments

just everything

by evildandelions 12/30/2015

written by evildandelions

My doctor thinks I might have an endocrine disorder since my hormones are somewhat off and due to some “symptoms” that I have like hirsutism, excessive sweating, and slight edema in the face. I just thought that I was a hairy person (although the facial hair is relatively new), that lamictal caused the sweating (and hot flashes), and that that was just how my face is genetically (somewhat “pudgy”). I don’t see an endocrinologist until the 14th, but she went ahead and prescribed me metformin- supposed to help regulate my hormones. When I see the endocrinologist I’ll probably have more blood work done to see if maybe […]

12/30/2015 1 comment

Yes, I feel like sh*t

by disgusting 12/29/2015

written by disgusting

Yes, I feel like shit and I should be allowed to feel like shit.

So, on Christmas day, I went out to eat with the guy that I like at a Chinese buffet. He’s getting his life together pretty well, he’s gotten a car from a friend and had a job off the record. He had to go afterwards though because he is popular and has tons of people in his life. I saw something on his page from the person he’s renting from, which is a girl who likes him (and is dating someone else but here in Chicago everyone has a dozen boyfriends or […]

12/29/2015 4 comments

I’m writing this…

by tiredthoughts 12/29/2015

written by tiredthoughts

I’ve been considering dying for awhile now like 8 months. Since I got let go by a girl that made it seem like it would work. I’m still hung up on it, i was told I did nothing wrong blah blah. But I never stopped believing or even, I never had let go of it. For months of self sabotage and begging and pleading respectfully. I got nothing but a “I don’t care, it was nothing” to her. Although everything to me. I self sabotaged, cried and sought out everything. Really the ppl of sp is all that ever helped. But I lived with it […]

12/29/2015 26 comments

Effort

by missredjuly 12/28/2015

written by missredjuly

For the past couple of months I’ve been contemplating what my next move should be. “Should I try to fix my life, or should I say fuck it and end it?” I’m still not sure what the best choice is, they both have their pros and cons. I think I’ll attempt to fix it in the next coming months. I’ll try to get a GED and I’ll put all of my effort into it. If I manage to fail then I’m done. That’s it. I’m not giving myself more than one chance to fix everything. I’ve already wasted too much time being nothing. Even if […]

12/28/2015 2 comments

Protected: It’s all about me.

by whiskered-fish 12/26/2015

written by whiskered-fish

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

12/26/2015 5 comments

I’m Done

by majesticwalrus 12/26/2015

written by majesticwalrus

I’m planning on leaving the 31st. The fact is that I don’t think I can even last that long. All I know is that I will not live to see another year without my friends and family that are already gone. This will probably be the last thing I write here. I’m just going to shoot myself in the head and I’ll finally be free from all of the bullshit.

12/26/2015 1 comment

Go ahead, touch it.

by Mike Rowedick 12/26/2015

written by Mike Rowedick

Thirty years of my life I am told that those glowing red embers in the fire are hot. Thirty years of my own experiences have told me that the closer I got to those embers, the more I could feel the heat.
“It’s not true”, says my Psychologist. “You can’t let what others say affect your entire life. It was your depression making you feel a heat that wasn’t really there.”
“Now, go ahead, reach into those flames and grab a big handful of […]

12/26/2015 1 comment

I wish I was swallowed

by heartshapedpapercuts 12/26/2015

written by heartshapedpapercuts

When the tides of life sweep you up like a tsunami no matter how good the ship is you either abandon it or drown but that is a joke because they are one in the same. I tried I really did but this year I am going to kill myself. I feel 5 years past due with the first attempt being at 15 now at 20 I am still plagued by all of my past grievances plus adult issues and I realize it’s a never ending shit show. When you go day by day making up excuses to live you just kinda start to wonder […]

12/26/2015 2 comments

Godbye guys

by Costy 12/25/2015

written by Costy

I am going to end it these days. I want you to know that no matter what problem you have in your lives it will always be a brighter way. The thing is that in the world are losers and winners. I am a loser, even if have / will have everything this darkness that is inside of me won’t go away. Btw, you are always in control. No matter what happened to you, you are always in control. Don’t be a fucking depressed guy like me and go and live your life at your fullest. Do whatever makes you happy. I am sure that […]

12/25/2015 11 comments

Happy Xmas

by Nusu Nusu 12/25/2015

written by Nusu Nusu

2015 wasn’t an easy year for me. I didn’t attempt to kill myself but the thoughts at times to do so, were relentless. Last couple of months I’ve been doing group therapy for the first time since I was a teenager, with people that share my particular label which is borderline personality disorder. It feels good to be around people who are in the same boat. It has helped me feel less alone. I’m having to use my annual leave at work, to attend the appointments, which is a bit rough, because normally I’d use my annual leave as ‘sick days’ or as a day […]

12/25/2015 2 comments

I can’t hold it..I thought I could.

by AfflictedSmile 12/25/2015

written by AfflictedSmile

So I thought I could hold my stuff together long enough to visit family without some sort of break down. I was wrong. About an hour into it, my step grandmother tried to take my picture. I just wasn’t in the mood or spirit as I’ve been really depressed lately. After begging her not to, she did anyways. And I’m very self conscious and I know I’m not good looking. I struggle with this a lot. How I perceive myself and how others see and view me. Needless to say all these feelings of emptiness and sadness rushed to the surface in the form of […]

12/25/2015 5 comments

Don’t know what to do

by metalfan 12/24/2015

written by metalfan

20 years old and desperately trying to find a reason to live. Problems in the family have led to me feeling like shit for the last 3 years and I haven’t been able to shake off the feelings of depression and uselessness that I started having when everything started happening. Countless days have been spent putting myself in isolation in order for me not to try affect other people’s lives, and trying to find the energy to sometimes go out and do things is one of the hardest things to try and do. Things started getting even worse about 3 months ago, and I’ve been […]

12/24/2015 6 comments

So what?

by NoHumanity 12/23/2015

written by NoHumanity

I’m only fourteen, closing up on fifteen in April. I’ve got my whole damn life ahead of me and countless near-death experiences and suicide attempts have gotten me nothing BUT treatment. This is the first time I’m relapsing – not because it’s new, but because recently (earlier this year) is the first time I’d gotten treatment. You see, my depression and anxiety had been with me since birth. I never had a broken home or anything, the closest thing I had was a few bullies at school that made fun of me for talking to myself and having strange behavior. I was an extremely delusional […]

12/23/2015 13 comments

Spending the holidays alone

by nicole123 12/23/2015

written by nicole123

I feel so lonely right now because I am spending Christmas so alone . I wish I had friends to give presents to or go to Christmas parties with . This time
Of the year makes me so sad . It’s hard to get out in the world and make friends .

But anyways happy holidays to you all. I’m gonna go drink some wine .

12/23/2015 2 comments

Tis the season to be jolly

by Mike Rowedick 12/23/2015

written by Mike Rowedick

Trying to get in the right frame of mind for Christmas.
Here is my Christmas poem.

Christmas Eve Suicide

Twas the night before Christmas
When I’d carry out my wish

In a relaxing hot bath
I’d cut both my wrists

This time I’ll succeed
I’ve planned with such care

Either heaven or hell
Soon I’d be there

My problems and worries
will no longer matter

My tormented life memoirs
written in blood spatter

12/23/2015 10 comments

Ocean Planet

by Rotted_Flesh 12/22/2015

written by Rotted_Flesh

In the vastness of space, lies a lonely planet just waiting to be explored. A dark blue world where the depths of the sea are limitless and there is no dry land in sight. Swimming eternally alone, breaching the surface to gaze upon the pitch black sky littered with glistening stars in the night. Plunging back into this sea of light only to find indigenous creatures comforting me; I am not so different and not so alone. While I sink further and further into the void below, I am finally free and at peace with myself.

12/22/2015 7 comments

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