All of this stuff that they say I have to look forward to, this amazing life that they say I’ll have. But the way I feel will never change. It’s bullshit, I’ll always be fat and vile. No one will want me. I’ll never be happy and smiling at festivals surrounded by people who want the best for me. I’ll always be in my room depressed and waiting for it all to change – to end. Curtains closed, hidden under the covers. It’s never going to happen. So what is the point. For someone who craves death so much yes I’ll admit I am scared. […]
Tag:
it all
I hope that liquid inside
would fill the sadness you hide
and in every day do you
believe that that can save you
and every day you sit alone
does that bottle feel like home
does it make you forget
everyday that you regret
does it fill you with joy
because nothing else can
you know your broken when
that little girl stands before you with sad eyes
and you don’t even notice them anymore
does that bottle fill your soul
does it make you happy at all
and when the sadness comes back
would you stay on […]
I put this gun to my head
I pulled the trigger I’m dead
i drank the poison
to break from my prison
baby my blood is frozen
you tried to make me revive
because you want me to survive
its to late you said your goodbye
the fault is all mine
I call your name
but to you this is all a game
the scars of time never fade
all this pain that you made
the cuts cover my wrist
i never got to rest
take my blade
give me life that you made
i scream i dont want this anymore
it all sinks to my core
you come to my funeral as i beg you not to cry
i really did try
i told you […]
Some say it’s all or none. Others say something is better than nothing. Which is it? I get so mad at myself for accepting the unacceptable, but when I cut people out of my life I regret it. I have no life essentially. No family, and one good friend (who doesn’t have the time of day for me because she does have a family). After being depressed for about 20 years, I don’t believe it gets better, I believe this is my life and I need to accept that. I am not meant to have or experience things that others do. I am right where […]
Drinking an crying drinking and crying. filling up the empty bottle with tears so i can just pour it all over my psychiatrists nice rug tomorrow and say “Thats how i feel” but he wouldn’t get it.
You know the worst and maybe greatest feeling i’ve discovered in this amazing life, is the feeling you get when you realise you gotta take control of your own death. That strong burning sensation you get on the wrist’s that trickling blood feeling behind the eyes, so much passion and euphoria. which sadly is designed to be short lived, for reasons we all know.
Sorry I’m in a mood. 70% […]
My heart hurts from all the pain, so much that every beat leaves me with a sense of fatigue. Im just so tired of it all. I feel like its just me here alone looking inside myself trying to find something but the room is getting darker. i need some light.. some hope so my heart could medicate. Its been through so much trauma dont know how much more of it my heart could take.
i kept telling myself that if i got sober all my relationship problems would change. And they did… but not the way I wanted them too. Now that I have relapsed its even worse than before. The arguments the fist fights…. it’s all back ten fold. And now that i rebuilt relationships with my mom and sisters I don’t necessarily want to die because I don’t want to hurt them but I can’t handle this relationship up and down and pain every day. And at the end of it all it’s all my fault for being a selfish addict and no matter how much I […]
It’s crazy to think that for 17 years the man I call daddy isn’t even my biological father. You both claim you weren’t trying to hide it or lie to me but honestly I could care less what you say. You did lie. You hid it from me. You hid him from me. The man I call daddy doesn’t have my blood in his veins. It all makes sense though, why the postcards were never signed “Daddy or Dad” but instead with his first and last name. I was little so I never noticed. It shouldn’t have been such a shock, all the clues and […]
I have lost a wife, a son, a mother and most recently a soul mate. I’ve had severe depression for 6 years, for the last month I have done nothing but plan my exit.
I’ve had two attempts in the past, in 2009 I couldn’t step off a long drop hanging I had well researched and constructed, I just wasn’t ready to do it then. About 2 weeks ago I took an overdose of paracetamol which was unplanned and failed due to consuming a large amount of alcohol in a short space of time and vomiting undigested pills.
I have committed to ending my life but have […]
i have become bored.i have become depressed again.there are times where i think if i get drunk or high it will go away but then it all goes away and once again i feel the pain.if you have ever did what i did to your family you know its hurts.i use to think my mom didtn care or love me.i alway thought she hated me and that i was a mistake.i honestly dont know what the hell i was thinking.when my mom found me and ishe looked at my right arms she couldnt believe her eyes.she saw 32 fresh cuts and didnt know why i […]
Dear life, I am tired of being afraid.
I don’t care about anything anymore. It’s all just pointless now. I don’t care about life, about the future, about death, nothing. I gave up a long time ago. I guess if you immerse yourself in enough pain you eventually stop feeling it. But the problem is that I still do feel. It would all just be easier if I ended it all, but somehow I can’t get any access to anything lethal. I thought that all of this would eventually end when things got too bad to bear, but every time I hit rock bottom, somehow I […]
So where were the spiders?
While the fly tried to break our balls.
Just the beer lights to guide us.
So we bitched about his fans and should we crush his sweet hands?
Ziggy played for time,
Jiving us that we were voodoo
The kids were just crass,
He was the Naz
With god given ass.
He took it all to far,
But boy could he play guitar!!
When you cant seem to sleep at night,
because the stress is just eating at your mind.
And you know, that this body of yours has taken such a toll.
I can no longer tell the difference of what is just in my mind and what’s reality.
Whether it’s from the drugs, alcohol, or lack of sleep,
I’m just 2 parts broken and 3 parts fucked up.
But I really wish they knew.
I wish they knew how I deal with it all.
And if they knew my last resort was the sharp point of my paintbrush.
If they knew I painted delicate lines on the […]
Unlike the majority of people think, suicide is not for the cowards.We know it requires strengh and bravery.I’m so weak and exhausted, I couldn’t even pull a trigger or take some poison X_X.I spent the last week oon the bed, I can barely stand to brush my teeth.I dunno, I think the worst part of it all is that since the last year I’ve been thinking : “Today I’ll commit suicide!”.I got everything I need, but I STILL don’t have enough courage.My life sucks and I’m still here, there’s something wrong with me, I think I’d better avoid this suffering.And everybody here is so sick […]
Im writing here because I really don’t know where else to turn. There’s people around me that I want to reach out to, but the thought of doing that seems worse than dying…when I was a kid I was around a lot of things that disturbed and distraught me, so in order to cope I turned something off inside of me so I wouldn’t care and these things wouldn’t bother me anymore. And they beer did again, but it came at a great price. I’ve lost passion or interest for anything, and I’ve lost the ability to trust and communicate with others on a genuine […]
Yep, subject says it all.
I can’tseem to do anything right. From making friends, to caring about my family, yep, I fail.
I got in a fight with my younger brother, and well, I’m not too violent, but I hit the punk. If I can hit a sibling of mine, how will I treat my future wife or kids? I’d rather not think about that. When I make friends, they always seemed to be troubled, and in the end, bring me down. I feel so awfull, because I can’t even save them. If it is not possible for me to save anyone in life, why […]
Hello, this is Justin. I have been reading something’s here and there. I haven’t posted cause I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I found a couple different comments from people asking about me and looking for an update. Well I am alive. What happened was I didn’t go through with it. I called the police myself and they came over. The fire department took me to the hospital. I was there for a couple weeks. I have been out just over a month. I am trying. And that’s about it. I don’t want to get too deep into it all, […]
Goodbye friends and people I may not know but I will be here if you need to speak just email me at melissawitch@hotmail.co.uk I will try my hardest to help you all out no matter what just give me that email and I will be here for you even if you want to rant at me I will listen to you and be here and any problems just tell me I know how depression is and loosing someone dearly to you but I must leave this site sorry to say I love this site and all the people on here the makers and the people […]
it amazes me how easy it is to fall back into the darkness. one minute i am cruising a long comfortably numb and the next i am making plans to die. i have been crying like someone is turning on a switch. my desire to be alone is strong. from where i am right now i see myself cutting the ties that keep me alive. maybe cutting isn’t the right word. maybe fading away is more accurate. i don’t share the chaos that is going on in my head with anyone. same old shit just different day. the paranoia i feel when i am out […]
So I’ve come to the conclusion that it does not get better. The mental disorders don’t go away, I won’t get any less socially awkward, & I will not become any less pathetic. I’ve sought help & It lead to my family thinking I’m crazy to the point where none of them want anything to do with me. I tried to just get away, but I end up with more problems then I started with. Always naturally hated by everyone I’ve met. First I thought it was a test. Then when I lost faith I thought it was a punishment, but now I know there […]