Tag:

it all

The Other Side

by Cordless 1/24/2016

written by Cordless

A few decades ago, when I was still depressed but had more energy than I do now, before my health declined to the point where I became disabled…

I had a six-month internship in a mental hospital, working to become a music therapist.

I got to see all types of patients. Schizophrenic, Depression, Bipolar, Alzheimer’s, Psychotic… everything.

I can’t go into details because of confidentiality, but I remember one moment more than anything else.

There was one day when a new patient was admitted. He was […]

1/24/2016 10 comments

I am tired of everything. Tired of going to school everyday and have bad grades because I can’t focus. Tired of making efforts to have friends and in the end being alone again, tired of trying, tired of keep going, tired. I am tired of living, breading, eating, sleeping and being tired.

They say it’s because I am shy that I don’t have friends, well I try and yet the exclude me. I try to talk but or it goes wrong or they talk over me or I am just ignored. And I can be like one month without talking to anyone that nobody searches for me […]

1/21/2016 4 comments

Just putting my feelings out there..

by justanothergirl09 1/15/2016

written by justanothergirl09

It’s sad.

I feel sad.

These last 4 days (counting today) have been so tiring. I’ve been so emotionally drained it’s ridiculous.

And it’s all because of a guy.

A guy that doesn’t even know my name.

And the worst is, I don’t even think he wants to know.

I know his; I know what grade he’s in; what lunch rotations he has, yet he knows nothing about me.

What I’m questioning is why I can’t seem to let it all go.

I want to let it go but it feels like as if there’s nothing I’m holding on to.

I like him. I do. But he doesn’t feel the same way. I don’t […]

1/15/2016 2 comments

More Suicidal than Ever

by lonely2k14 1/14/2016

written by lonely2k14

problems with parents. depressed. suicidal.

my mother finds every excuse to beat me, yell at me and ruin me. ive been told many times to kill myself by her, to leave, to go to an orphanage, but to mostly just die. it was terrible before but it’s only getting worse. recently she locked me outside of the house at night in below freezing weather, while it was raining and left me there for a near hour, locking the doors of the house. then, on the same day, she said to me “either i die or you die” and kicked me out of the house again for […]

1/14/2016 19 comments

Conspiracy against the human race …

by jadedkeizy 1/14/2016

written by jadedkeizy

Also worthy of mention is a clique among the suicidal for whom the meaning of their act is a darker thing. Frustrated as perpetrators of an all-inclusive extermination, they would kill themselves only because killing it all is closed off to them. They hate having been delivered into a world only to be told, by and by, “This way to the abattoir, Ladies and Gentlemen.” They despise the conspiracy of Lies for Life almost as much as they despise themselves for being a party to it. If they could unmake the world by pushing a button, they would do so without a second thought. There […]

1/14/2016 5 comments

I can’t just run away like I want to.

by tiredthoughts 1/10/2016

written by tiredthoughts

I can’t just run away from my problems. I want to.. I was looking for an easy out.. A friend’s, a relative’s, maybe even trying to leave on my own and try to make it. But I can’t, I have to do this.. life, the hard way. I have to struggle, I have to fight, but I’m so tired, exhausted. I want to quit, I want more than anything to just leave everything behind, get to things and just go. But I can’t. I’m not stuck, I could do those things and run.. But I can’t. I have to work, claw, crawl, probably cry along […]

1/10/2016 2 comments

My Fault

by Take a Deep Breath 1/9/2016

written by Take a Deep Breath

It’s all my fault. My horrible relatioship with my dad, the reason my mom cries, the reason our house hold is so fucked up. It’s just all fucked up and I can’t fucking fix it because it’s all my goddamn fucking fault. You know what hurts the most? Is knowing that this is so fucking true. All I can do is sit here like a dumb fuck and listen to Nickleback blaring in my ears trying to drown every shitty bit of my self in the angry rythum og the music and a sea of self hatred. I want to drown in my own hatred- […]

1/9/2016 3 comments

We are all the same

by luka 1/9/2016

written by luka

Please don’t think of yourself like someone who’s in a worse mental state than everyone else. Don’t just say you don’t understand what i’m going through. We are all the same, we are all on a endless sinking ship called life. And for the ones who really don’t know what your going thro but say so, just appreciate that their trying to understand you. I might leave the ship tonight, so i just want to leave something that might help the others who are still on it. Just a small tip, that might help someone to get to the shore and survive it all. And […]

1/9/2016 11 comments

Friends called me a psychopath today

by blank-clutter 1/7/2016

written by blank-clutter

I am trying to keep it together and not express anything that would show how angry and sad I am all the time. I feel like I have terrible thoughts and urges but Im trying to keep it all inside because I dont want to hurt anyone. Today during dinner my roomates were having a conversation and I was thinking I wish I could participate better. I wish I could have a proper conversation and be engaged like normal people are. Instead I was just playing with my napkin. I eventually started ripping and tearing it. They pointed out, you know psychopaths do that, then […]

1/7/2016 8 comments

Just insane

by YouAreStrong 1/6/2016

written by YouAreStrong

Not much to say other than I’ve totally lost it. I can do something about this, I could try again but I’ll only hurt people more. Tell no one and just go. Was I getting better? Probably. No it’s all gone to shit. Just want to curl up and shy away from everyone and everything. Nothing constructive from this just sadness.

1/6/2016 1 comment

beauty

by vieve 1/5/2016

written by vieve

I have always fallen in love with everything. When I was a little girl it was great. I was happy all the time. Life was full of magic and beauty and I was lucky enough to get to be part of it all.

But now I am grown up, now I understand things that I didn’t when I was young. I feel like I see everything. I still see all the beauty and wonder and hope, yet I also see the pain and misery and destruction. I see it everywhere. I see lost youth, lost health, lost happiness. I see people and animals who feel trapped, […]

1/5/2016 2 comments

a sick state of mind

by evildandelions 1/2/2016

written by evildandelions

This morning I woke up crying and in physical pain from grief. There’s too much in my mind to write about it all, can’t even form a coherent organization to it all.

But the sick thing is, I woke up wondering if I should take the pills now or go to a thrift store that has 50% sale on saturday. So, basically, I want to buy clothing and then attempt to hurt or kill myself (unlikely, sadly, although maybe if I added vicodin to the mix- klonopin and vicodin are contraindicated) .

I spoke to my ex yesterday. It was good in ways, to know that she misses […]

1/2/2016 4 comments

Bleu Edmondson | Finger on the Trigger

by Chrissyjo 12/30/2015

written by Chrissyjo

http://www.cmt.com/videos/bleu-edmondson/404366/finger-on-the-trigger.jhtml

First, it’s kind of country. Sorry about that. But there’s a piece in the song that says:

‘And Lord, sometimes I wonder if you’re even there

Cause my burden is back-breaking and it’s all that I can bear’

It really speaks to me.

Although I don’t post or comment much, I visit every day and I want to wish everyone a happy and peaceful 2016. 🙂

12/30/2015 0 comment

Can money really not buy happiness?

by InhalingAnxiety 12/24/2015

written by InhalingAnxiety

I hear people say it all the time. I never think anything of it. I just immediately nod my head in agreement. Then that point of the conversation is over with.

I never hear people fight the statement or really just stop and think about it. I mean, yeah, it probably can’t buy some people happiness, depending on the reasons they aren’t happy to begin with.

12/24/2015 9 comments

Well, I got my reply.

by Nina 12/22/2015

written by Nina

Over the weekend I think I finally hit rock bottom. I tried so desperately to get an answer or reasons for things that have been completely out of my control. I learned the hard way to just let things go.

I saw our love as perfect and honest. He saw it as suffocating and disgusting. He felt chocked by me; hopelessly controled by me, to the point where he claims that all of it made him sick.

It hurts when the person you once loved more than anything views you as this selfish and insane creature. This miserable being that all she wants is to […]

12/22/2015 20 comments

Can’t process…

by disgusting 12/18/2015

written by disgusting

I can’t fully process it all. Life is changing so fast. There’s still no long term security. It’s still week to week and not knowing if I’ll have somewhere to live in April. So I’m a full card carrying member of SGI and I’m going to be given a bunch of photos to make a video presentation for them, at least locally I mean, to be shown at the local center. They find out what you can do quick. Lol. At my second job I’ll get 15 hrs a week and have the title of program coordinator. It all sounds fancy. I can’t believe I […]

12/18/2015 2 comments

Posts?

by AdventLunacysTypewriter 12/17/2015

written by AdventLunacysTypewriter

I’m left wondering how genuine these posts are. everyone on the suicideproject is run by their emotions (myself included), and I’m wondering how a depressed man/woman can think clearly enough to type as much as everyone here has, or if everything here is typed simply out of angst, rendering it all meaningless.

12/17/2015 20 comments

Let it go there’s nothing left, underneath the masquerade, death.

by Rotted_Flesh 12/17/2015

written by Rotted_Flesh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kXx0BilciQ

I tried a thousand times to make you feel it
Like the days when we had first met
But I feel I never moved you
What the fuck how did we forget?And in another life would it be different
Would we do it all again?
And at that would you tell me that you loved me?
All alone why should I pretend?

Gagged and bound
You told me you broke down
And I believed everything
My love for you was logic drowned
Round and round
I came all the way down
To tell you that I’m really here
And I don’t wanna waste my time

Without […]

12/17/2015 1 comment

by nicole123 12/16/2015

written by nicole123

I watch everyone’s days go on around me. I feel like in stuck in time. Depression has slowed me.

I feel even when I sleep for hours, I do not feel rejuvenated. I don’t feel good.

Even when I have the least bit of confidence, it soon diminishes after a few seconds.

I feel content for moments at a time. Yesterday I felt the warm sun . I was happy. But that feeling soon disappeared.

I think it’s hard to get better. Nothing seems to have a point. I don’t feel like there’s any reason to be alive. I don’t think my life has meaning at all.

I wish […]

12/16/2015 1 comment

Weather The Shot

by trophyX 12/16/2015

written by trophyX

I told you that you have a real shot. I don’t have to tell you that I’ve changed. I think you’ve already seen it and felt it. I think you know it deep down. You feel that I want nothing from you other than you to out live me by one more day. If he is your best shot at carrying you through to tomorrow than I’m his biggest fan. I’m man enough to admit that we’ll never work out or be the same as we were. Sure, its painful, but seeing hope arise in your eyes even for one more minute is worth a […]

12/16/2015 3 comments

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