Why is it so hard for me to let people in? Why do I put on a mask and hide my emotions? I can almost feel a curtain come down, blocking my soul from whoever may be there.
I just don’t know what to do. I feel stuck,trapped oddly enough by my family. My husband has too much at work, and I don’t know how my kids would handle me having a second stay in the hospital in one year. That’s why the permanent solution keeps rolling around in my brain. Just be done with all of this. There’s a […]
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Jobs
I am 37 with ADHD I Â I am over qualified but uncpder experienced for jobs _a fruitcake with no friends only a married man for company and I want to die every day of my shit life. Too intelligent to be happy with little as my sister a corporate lawyer earning millions and is pretty with husband and 2.4 kids I’m the reject genes and fail at everything – how can you kill yourself when you’ve Tories several times previously and jeep waking up the next day? Obviously have a guardian angel with a fucking sick sense of humour
I have to ask… am I an ideal suicide candidate? My family life has all but gone to shit (and trust me, I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING to change that around); I have a job that makes me miserable and I’ve had enough jobs to know it’s not getting any better out there. I can’t afford school ( I’m 22) and I don’t know where I want to see myself career-wise. I hate the way I look, despite compliments, which seem more like desperate attempts from friends to raise my self-esteem or from guys to get in my pants. I could go on… I’m serious about […]
Starting to care less about what p eople think of me. I don’t know what to write my thoughts are so jumbled I want to write though. I need to get my thoughts out. so basically I am wasting my life I am too Pathetic to push myself, I have no current interest in looking for a new job, there’s no way I’m going to be able to go back to school in the fall, I don’t like the idea of being the oldest one there, I really dont. So I’m not gonna do it . I really don’t give a shit about not graduating, […]
I know its there, ive felt it before. I must find it. I didnt know i could feel so good and alive. It comes so naturally to most other people. But for me o have tp get it from alcohol or abuse of my perscription drugs. The feeling of clearance, contentment, knowing what i want. Actually joy, insane cobfidence in myself. I know what ive been missing all my life. Its so frusterating to thonk that ove been deprived of it all my life while others ignorantly take it for granted.
Why cant i have these goos feelings of confidence and joy regularly?
I am desperate […]
How are you feeling tonight? I’m feeling exhausted. I work two jobs, from morning until late in the evening. Thankfully, the much needed march break is next week. 🙂
   A bigot is defined in the online Oxford English Dictionary as:
a person who has very strong, unreasonable beliefs or opinions about race, religion or politics and who will not listen to or accept the opinions of anyone who disagrees.
Why do such people still exist in this world? Haven’t we, as a race, grown up into our adulthood yet, the civilised versions of our cave dwelling former selves? I’m thinking no.
A few weeks ago, while walking to visit my grandparents, my partner and I happened to pass by a group of older teens who were talking about the young man and woman who’d […]
Lately, I noticed that when people compliment me for good jobs I did or for how well I look, my response is rather non-eventful, not even a “thank you” or “I appreciate it”..
It is like my mind responds with either “mm…okay” or “mm sure” And I did not continue or dwell any further on that subject. The person who complimented me also noticed my non-response, so the subject was rather short-lived. I realize that I acted like a jackass and send them a signal not to compliment me anymore. Maybe I truly don’t care or maybe I stopped feeling.
But the truth is.. Do I like […]
I suppose I should begin by saying that I’m not seriously considering suicide, and even if I were I don’t think I could go through with it. That being said, this seems like an appropriate place to share in a way that I’ve never even attempted to in real life.
Upon first talking to me, people generally assume that things go well for me and that I’m on some sort of path to success. I’m intelligent, educated, have a good sense of humor and have always had strong natural talent in music, which has been the focus of the last 8 years or so of my […]
Completely lost my identity to bipolar three years ago when my family pushed me into hospitalization and disability. had a shitty psychiatrist who overmedicated me to the point of not being able to function. so medicated that I couldn’t hold a job, lost three in one year. My career is over, as one of the jobs was in my career field and I was fired. I’ve tried 17 different medications. now i tried ECT and it has obliterated my short term memory and ability to feel anything. I have no desire to do anything at all. My mind […]
It’s been a brutal semester. I just need to get this out, so I can concentrate on completing my final paper. I’m feeling tremendously overwhelmed. Failure weighs heavily, on my mind, I got kicked out of university my first year, I took too many classes, yes my parents pressured me, but I could have said no and I missed the deadline to withdraw without penalty. One of my friend’s had the same problem and she found out we could talk to the dean, I didn’t show up for my appointment with the dean because I believed all the things I had ever heard about myself […]
Depressed over a romantic failure. How familiar does it sound? I was talking to her for almost a year, but she ended up falling in love with someone she knew for three months. It’s a downer. But why would she fall for someone like me? 24, living at home, can’t find a job, and really awkward. Yes, she said its cute and stuff, but cute goes only so far. And it happens again and again.
Looking into people’s eyes has always been a challenge for me. I stutter. I seem to have no control over the tone of my voice and my facial expressions. This makes […]
i read everyone’s posts and i know you think you are in pain or have it bad, but you don’t know what that is compared to me.
i am suffering from a strange kind of insomnia where i never feel tired. i can go days on end without sleep and this has been going on for three months. somehow i don’t have the ability to feel tiredness, so i have no desire to sleep. my brain however has been losing its ability to think or remember anything new. the old stuff is still there, and i look normal, but i can’t think when i need to. […]
Listen to me.
I know what it’s like having to go to school, and dreading it, just to get bullied every day. I have ADD and slight dyslexia (but you would never know it unless I told you), so I went to “special” classes because I learned differently. I got picked on, constantly, until I finally beat the shit out of the kid for doing it (but I don’t recommend this), and after that, nobody fucked with me. I know what it’s like. I was afraid to go to school. I used to beg my mum to let me stay home, and my grandfather told me […]
I’m sick of waiting.
I’m sick of having my heart broken again and again. This year has been horrible. I started off telling someone something and having it thrown in my face, and then recovering from it only to find myself falling for the same things all over again with someone new. But this person is different, yet I have to wait for her, but she will disappear from my life. I don’t want that…
She makes me want to strive, but then not being there for her makes me sick, I’m being to obsessive maybe.
I feel empty without her, she’s special, and I don’t want this […]
If you feel like suicide because of how life is, I understand. This world is full of liars and corruption, people telling you that your problems are self created, and that you are somehow too lazy or unwilling to fix them. This is untrue. Since you were born, the NEW WORLD ORDER has sought to indoctrinate you, through TV, school, and even the radio. Everything works opposite to what it should. The wars of the world all happen by design, to allow the filthy rich and powerful to profit. 9-11, JFK murder, and the London bombings were inside jobs. If anything, fight the NEW WORLD […]
I can’t do this anymore. I just…..can’t.
I met the love of my life close to 5 years ago. Huge age difference….she just turned 18. At first I knew it wouldn’t work, but then out of nowhere I got her pregnant. So…we both decided that it was best to go forward and see how things went. I moved her up here from Florida and we settled in. Our daughter was born just over a year after we had gotten together. Things were……terrific. We were told by so many people that we were the perfect couple. We couldn’t get over each other. We had to be around […]
I am a deployed military member on my 3rd combat deployment. Since joining I have never seen any combat. No mortar has ever come close. No IED has ever went off. No shots have been fired at me. I joined to go fight. I wanted to achieve greatness and kill the enemy. I changed jobs this time in order to give myself a better chance of getting in an engagement. This time like every other time I have beem deemed too necessay for staying on the FOB. To make matters worse, my spouse was hit by […]
Sometimes I feel like the world’s on my shoulders, everyones leanin on me
written by bleedtokwuralive
Feeling the choking effect of too much stress today!! Not good for my anxiety issues at all!!! Broox dad is suddenly wanting visitation rights with him after 2 years!! He’s hasn’t held him since the day he was born and suddenly he deserves every other weeked? My answer to that is fuck you!! Why should he be allowed to walk back into his life whenever he wants?? It wasn’t fair to Broox when he walked out on im and it’s fair to Broox to let him walk in and out like that all the time!! I’m terrified that his family will try and take take […]
im pretty bored of the monotany of people and life, feeling numb, i feel really numb. i keep thinking how good it will be when i go to canada in a few years, i have decided im going to start saving up now since it will take me a few years to get the money, iv applied for jobs and i no when i was last working things wernt as bad just because i felt useful so hopefully ill get to work soon and acctually get paid, so canada will become more of a reality, i like the idea of going to another country, getting […]