Most mornings I wake up wishing I died in my sleep. Why? Because this life sucks. I weigh over 300 pounds, I have never had a relationship, I have a grand total of 4 friends that I have known for over 15 years. I had no family except my mother and stepfather who are always nagging me to get help for my depression. Who wouldn’t be depressed if they had my life? I get up, I go to work, I come home, take a shit, eat, jerk off, sleep. Repeat. I was happier when I was getting high and banging hookers all the time. Now […]
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last
I used to think that I would always be happy… Well that was until my dad died last year in August. Since then I haven’t felt there was a purpose in life, like there is just nothing left anymore… I started doing things that even I felt was not right like planing my death with millions of different ways, but I wasn’t even realising I was doing it… Which really thrightened me, I though I was going mental. I booked an appointment with the doctors as I was so scared of what I would do to myself, they gave me some medication which really helped […]
Is it bad that I know where the key is at for my dads guns? Is it bad I got a refil on my medicine and I’m willing to shallow it all? Is it bad that this might be my last night alive?
Every since I found this site it was like a breath of fresh air.. I was finally able to say what was on my mind without scaring people away lol And I would read other peoples post and think did they actually go through with it.?? I really appreciate everyone that commented with words or encouragement and understanding. But its my time. This will be my last post I give up. I’m tired and this time ima make sure I succeed I wish everyone luck in life
Bye
That on my last night, I will be taking down a child molester. Yes maybe they were molested themselves, but they can’t keep on passing it down. I will do something good in my last moments.
Ive recently been diagnosed with manic depression. I’ve been reading the posts on here for the last few months. About 2 years ago I tried to kill myself by hanging and was nearly successful. I was unconscious and found by paramedics which is unfortunate. I’ve been battling with my depression for some time now and have had a partner on and off for the last 4 years. The support I’ve received from my friends and so called partner is diabolical. I know my parents will miss me especially my mum and I am so sorry and love you with all my heart. I just can’t […]
I’ve suffered from depression since I was a little girl. My real father molested me, abused me physically and emotionally, practically leaving me scarred for life. I’m now 15 years old and about to finish my freshmen year of high school.
Now here’s that twist that brought me here:
I started cutting when I was 10. It was a complete accident, I was working with my step dad and cut my hand. We bandaged it up, but that feeling of something like relief stayed with me. Suddenly, I’d purposely find ways to get myself injured. I’d bump into tables, fall off my skateboard, jump from a tree; […]
How do I do this? How do I say the things I want to? My whole life I’ve been told I come second- to everyone and everything else. Not even second, dead last.
I’ll never be good enough for anyone, no matter what.
I’m just a mistake. A failure. I’ve tried so hard, but I’ll never make it. I’m too lazy and stupid and selfish and stubborn.
I’m not a good person, at least not anymore.
People might have called me kind once upon a time, but that’s long since been replaced by ‘cruel’ and ‘arrogant’.
Heck, I […]
Cast across
This bitter ocean
Separated we are
And thusly maimed
Strangely you call
My forgotten name
Yet how long has it been?
Since the last
Tipsy the boat sailed
Crashing against rock
It fades away
Yet you appear
In my mind
You are so clear
Here i am back in a psych unit… I saw my therapist on Tuesday and i was too honest with her. So now i get to spend a week in here! I really hope it’s only a week because I’ve got to finish off my last preparations before June 11th. wish me luck people
I’m the last person you’d think to be on here. I have a lot of friends, a boyfriend, and I’m super involed at school. On the surface I’m everything I want to be, but underneath I’m a mess. I have family issues and issues with peers. I have to keep telling myelf three more years than I’m free, but everytime a glimmer of hope appers it gets covered up by a dark cloud. The worst part is I need help, but I’ve given up on finding it because when I reach out people usually turn the other way. I’m just tired or trying, tired of […]
“Him. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Everything was so perfect. He made it perfect. He meant the world to me. I actually felt like I would die for him. I felt it and I wasn’t even scared. Death has never scared me.
I experienced so many feelings. I felt happy. He was the only thing that mattered to me. Whenever I did something I always thought of him. I actually had the courage to see him everyday. I wasn’t embarrassed from sending so many messages to him.
I always wanted to be his friend. I tried but I never succeeded. He didn’t wanna […]
That is what my love is for you. Plain and simple. I know you will never get to read this, my love, but I wanted you to know that I haven’t stopped loving you even for one second. Tomorrow it will be 115 days since I saw you last. I have missed you terribly every single day. No matter the hurt you have caused me, the pain, the betrayal, the lies, the broken promises. It all means nothing when it comes to my love for you. It is unending. It is pure. It is intense. It is all I have left to give. The end […]
It’s weird I usually never even leave my house and when I do and when I get to see people that I used to know I feel so useless. I really didn’t want to go to this family event today but I thought that someone who I actually care about was going to be there. 12 hours wasted. I even got offered a beer and if my mother wasn’t standing right there I would have fucking accepted because I was so stressed out just by being there. I kept to myself and tried not to say much because I had nothing useful to say. I […]
Hi
I wrote a poem to my mother and I will give it to her 31 may on mother’s day.
I’m planning to suicide the next day. I have waited to suicide just because i wanted to be there for my mom on mothers day. It will be the last time.
I just want to know what you think of the poem. Any improvements? There’s a hidden message as you can see. I hope she wont be suspicious? She doesnt know im suicidal.
This will be the last thing i do before I die so no suicide letter. If you wonder why it’s because if I fail I don’t […]
Haven’t posted in a long time. Been busy making preparations for my next (hopefully last) attempt at ending it all. Lately have had time to only read a few posts and leave a comment or two.
I was thinking earlier how long it has been since the last time I can remember being myself. Not this broken down version I have become. The old me. The real me. The human me. Not the zombie I have been the last year.
Those of you that have followed my posts, know my story well. My ex-fiancée and her kids abandoned me and erased me from their lives. She went […]
I honestly have stopped caring about what anybody has to say about me . I plan on leaving soon I’m doing my best at enjoying my last days ( but of course I am not) my mom has been rubbing my mistakes in my face and she’s really just making this living hell. I am really not close with my siblings or father because I am 17 and under 18 I can not do as I please. This last year I have been in the hospital twice for suicide attempts and I have been a rebel with my mom …. She tries to control […]
I love my children enough to leave them before I cause any more damage. I know they will miss me but if I am around I could do so much more damage than if I were dead. At least when I’m dead that will be the last thing I do to hurt them.
I have got to go because I am done. There’s no more art, no more me, no more drama, and everyone can breath now. I can’t hurt you all anymore after this. You will move on and find better people to spend time with.
I’m selfish and narcissistic. I’ve no drive to live […]
So at work yesterday just before I left for my other job, my mom tries to reach me after not speaking for over a year since her mom (my grandmother) passed away. Ultimately she said she had been afraid to tell me sooner, was sorry for her mistakes, and doesn’t believe anymore that I stole anything. Her husband (not my dad btw) passed away suddenly last fall and her last dog has been sick for a year and will be put down today. I feel bad for her and she feels bad for what I’ve been through too. I also braved it and asked the […]
I’m still around. Counting the days. Listening to that inner clock, tick tock, tick tocking away. I wish I could hear it winding down. It’s an never ending repetition though. Just like life, even the wait for the end is a never ending disappointment. Will the last day sneak up on me or will I see it coming days or weeks away? Really none of that matters. All that matters is that it does get here and quickly. I dreamed a dream of dying a few nights ago. But it was a lie. I woke up alive the next morning. I’ve heard so many people […]