I need to try and sleep. I will return tomorrow evening. I look forward to messaging everyone again, new faces and old.
I hope everyone has a better night/morning than their last.
People say that events in the past I should let go
But the sins I have committed they do not know
Many just don’t know my sacrifice
What I had to do to give my Angel paradise
My life was being filled with Darkness
She saved me before I became heartless
But again I lost my way in the dark mist
I almost slipped back into the abyss
She was holding me from falling under
But her cries was louder than thunder
She was holding on to the rope in pain
Seeing her suffer was driving me insane
Wanting to stop her cries
I started to tell her lies
I told her to let go because I can still […]
I never stood a chance. I think of his depression as ‘the other woman’. She had the prior claim and has the stronger hold over him. She makes him ignore me and treat me like shit. I no longer know how to reach him. He said he loved me once, now I’m lucky if he can even bear to look at me. I am rejected and broken. It’s been this way for nearly two years. I thought I was winning, I thought he was mine.
He’s not mine, he never was. She got there first and will never go away. I hate her. But I’ll […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I really haven’t got the strength to carry on my life has fell apart I’m depressed and so anxious I don’t really leave the house and to make things even worst I’m puting on weight because I’m comfort eating I really don’t know what to do I should have just killed myself last year iv just pro longed my pain and suffering
Various Thoughts:
1) I’m coming down with a cold/flu thing, and have a sore throat.
I tried the important time-honored therapy known as “To hell with it, I’m having ice cream.”
And yet my throat is still sore, so this is going to last a few days.
2) I also am sneezing and sniffing, so apparently ToTrees and I will both be going (*sniff sniff*) for awhile. This is ok. I’m in good company.
3) Add all the other muscle aches and unmentionable disturbances that come with cold/flu bug […]
It’s weekend, saturday night. It’s 10:54 pm and I’m in my room, in my bed. It’s dark and I have too many thoughts about everything. I think about where I’m in ten years, here? on this planet? alive?
I think back to the situation, when I was at school, my teacher told something about short storys. I thought about situations in my life, when I needed this informations. But i couldn’t find some.
I sit there, every day and waste my time for some stupid things like this. When I will kill myself, why should I go to school anymore? But I’m not sure if […]
I don’t know if this site is helping don’t get me wrong I like it here I no I should have killed my self last year iv just pro longed my pain and suffering really but is the site just pro longing the Inevitable ? I think that the more I talk about dying and suicide but not acting on it is a bit silly if you know what I mean can anyone relate to what I mean ?
I was depressed before I fell in love. I have to remind myself of that so I don’t think that I am even more crazy to want to kill myself because I lost the person that I love. I. was. depressed. before. I. fell. in. love. I had suicidal thoughts before I met him. I have been anxious and depressed for a very long time. Probably since childhood.
It’s not like I’ve never been in love before. But this time, I thought he was last one I would ever have. We match. He understands me. But I didn’t give him what he wanted. […]
I tried to overdose on Unisom sleeping medication last night. I have the side effects of an overdose. I don’t know what to do because I have dizziness and it said the following day I would still feel weird. I don’t want my dad to found out or go to the hospital. I am at school and I can’t concentrate. I hope they wear off by tonight or early next morning due to I have a band competion and need to be normal for it.
Over the months I have been trying to become more social. I went through a suicidal phase at the end of last year for about 3 months and it feels like its coming back. After being separated from work for “not fitting in”. Its tough for me to fit in with people that wont understand. I am a ex-army medic and how will they understand… we cannot show them… Tossed in the trash by the people you defended is pretty good reason to not be here anymore. To think I would have given my life for these people.
It was one of these surreal sleeps I have. I am dreaming but in my dream it’s like I am awake. I can’t move or talk. I almost wonder if I had a seizure. I eventually wake up really out of it and it takes a while for me to get back to sleep. There are always some sort of vibrations, this time it was violent chills in my arms. I guess I would call it a vivid dream. I have probably had 4 or 5 of these that I actually remember. All within the past 20 years. They always scare me. Mainly because I […]
So, last few days been extremely hard. Like almost enough to end it all hard.
I stop at McDonald’s near work for a drink. She has it ready before I get inside. Seen me coming.
So for dinner, I stop at a McDonald’s out of state but a semi regular stopping point. They have my drink ready before I even order… and it’s free.
Point #1 I go to McDonald’s way too much
Point #3 I really feel like I’m “somebody” today. Now.
The first time I was like huh, that’s nice. The 2nd time I’m feeling all stupid and giddy.
So, to the girl at McDonald’s in Indiana […]
so last night I was having a conversation with my mum and one thing lead the the other and I basically said I wanted to die I explained how I feel like iv lived enough already and I can’t take no more I haven’t planned on killing my self yet but now I feel worst because she worrying about me I told her not to worry about me and she started crying saying what would become of her she knows I’m in pain but still wants me to tough it out but I’m not as strong as she thinks I am I’m passed breaking point […]
If you read my “Axe Murderer” post earlier, you know I wrote some new music recently. Here it is.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Triggering.mp3
.
Way different from the other two compositions I posted awhile back.
During one of my comments today, I described it like this:
It’s a bit darker and more chaotic than the kind of music I usually write.
It starts out like a dark smooth Gregorian Chant, and ends up sorta like an axe murderer is just realizing there are all sorts of pointy objects around.
It’s called “Triggering” because last week some issues triggered an especially dark pit of depression.
I decided last night to sleep on it and I’ve decided, I think today is the day. Thank you all for just being here; it was nice to be able to talk about my feelings somewhere.
I’m afraid but I know what I have to do. I’m only 15 and I know I am missing important things in my potential future but I can’t care anymore. I am most sorry about the scene this will cause and the people I’ll be hurting, but I just don’t want to live anymore and they’ve got to realize it’s for the best.
I hope all of you feel better, you […]
I think the last time I self harmed was last Saturday or Monday I didn’t use a razor this time i used my knife haven’t used it in months it’s a different feeling then using a razor with the knife I’m calm relaxed hands steady but with a razor I’m nervous and hand Shanks but it’s really weird they both give of different pain and feelings of release what other way can u deal with emotional pain ? But in a way I like it I feel I deserve it
I am 14 years old and the reasons for me to sucude are:
1. My exam pressure is too much, even after studing more than 50? in a year my dad isnt satisfied with 80% of average marks and pressurises me whole day and i know i got no bright future woth this much of marks so i want to end this right now. 2.My dad is very rich but I am too poor, i got a low specs pc which has i3 has outstandjng features, a 1.8 years old phone and my dad doesnt want to buy the s7 edge for me after alot […]
what the fuck my mind must be really mess up shit I’m already suicidal then last night I dreamed of me dying or getting killed it was so real can’t remember but I know it was to do with my heart tho and I was on the floor ? Heart attack I ain’t looking to live that’s long shit I no we all die but when you start dreaming and living it u start to ask your self is this my destiny to die early ??
My mum had always romanticized death. I suppose she thought she’d pass away, be found, and after some tears and a funeral, people would get over it. To say she was wrong is a vast understatement. I know my mum, and if she knew things would have turned out the way they did, she never would have done it.
Being that this is posted in what the effects of suicide has on friends and family, let me dump it all out.
I last saw my mum on a Friday and told her I’d pop by on the upcoming Monday or Tuesday. She seemed totally fine. I woke […]