” what you going to do with your life ” shut up its my life like you said mom so there for I do what I want, when I want & how I want it. How dare you try to take away the things you didn’t help me get, take the dignity, the accomplishments etc you didn’t help me with shit & father whose that I fucking hate seeing your face every day. Ya both make me sick and feel like shit so I hope the pain you cause me eats you alive and leaves you there like a helpless child like how I did […]
Been cutting since I was 15 (7 1/2 years). Never thought I would do it, once I started, never thought I would stop. I finally stopped. Went over a year without cutting, then relapsed, then stayed “clean” then relapsed then stayed “clean” then relapse and so on and so on. I will always be an addict to this stupid thing that controls me. I crave the feel of it, the release it gives me. I know I should have control over it, especially by now, but I cant help but want to give into it. I am still and always will be a depressed person, […]
I can’t keep from dwelling on the fact that I set myself up to be alone. I’m used to people not being there for me, but normally there’s those few people that are always there.  This time even they have drifted away. It seems like over night I slipped back into my old skin of sadness and loneliness. I thought that I had learned to be happy again. She opened up a whole new world of beauty to me. Was it a new world so sweet or was I just blinded by her sweetness? I’m so confused and numb. I’m remembering what it feels like to be alone. […]
I’m not sure what I’m doing anymore. The fear of being alone seems to consume me. These girls who say they love me, they can’t be serious. How could they love me when they haven’t tried to know me. I’m not trying to lead them on. I’m just too nice to tell them what I really think. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I’ve been thinking about death again. But is death what I want currently? I don’t have the desire to sleep except when I wake up in the morning because sleeping is much easier than going through the day. Sometimes being […]
It’s nearly midnight and what’s happening? The thoughts are returning…..The voices are speaking..no, YELLING at me >.< I can hear them now….. “Die ***** die!” “Who says you’re worth living?” “You don’t deserve to live. Your own parents didn’t even want you. HA!”
The thoughts destroy me, kill me, suffocate me, eat me alive. My demons…they’re real. They exist. I don’t want to go on but..I have to. Not just for myself. I’m not living for myself anymore. I’m living for him. And her. For them. They may not care about me but I love them with all my heart.
It’s like…I can scream at them and […]
I’m new so I’m sorry if I am not doing this right… Can I complain here? I’ve only read a little.
I had a hideous upbringing, a hideous adolescence… I joined the US military to escape home…
My very best friend in the whole world was someone I met online, actually. For years he was my confidant. Long story short, we met, fell in love. Much as I fled my home state, I up and fled my home country and moved to the other side of the world. Got into an excellent school, an excellent programme, doing all right. It was a struggle doing it, but everyone […]
I’m a 17 year old girl, and I’m still alive. I suppose I should start off with the positives.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression a year and a half ago, and most of my friends know. I don’t have the energy to do any work at home, and at college I can’t concentrate and just keep having to go to the toilets and cry. I’m going to fail all my exams, I’ve accepted that, and for the moment I’m just trying to concentrate on staying alive. I want to drop out and get a job, but I would keep breaking down and crying there too […]
After typing up a ridiculously long post yesterday, I felt better. I actually did, the writing seemed to flow out from my very soul and the pain diminished. However, that only lasted for a few hours.
And then the urges came again, you know the ones. The one that tells you to end it, not for yourself but for those around you. You are not worthy of their love, all you’re doing is dragging them down with you. They don’t deserve this. The last one, I’ll admit. They do not deserve this. And that’s why they don’t know the full extent of my depressive state.
Instead of […]
I walk upon this lonely road in a garden of the damned,
Where everyone will sleep one day and the ones who want to rot.
Their flowers wilt and spoil and brown from famine;
It isn’t true when people say they haven’t fought.
There’s blood among roses and posies and wildflowers,
And you don’t need thorns to make it so.
They slowly bleed up to the final hour;
Then nothing can save them and they feel alone.
There’s blood in the leaves and blood in the trees, everything decked in crimson,
No one seems to notice – except us, we do;
I wonder if they’re […]
Has anybody tried Yew seeds or leaves?
We all have felt the pain of this cruel world. Bullies, insensitive adults, ridiculing teachers, and so much more. This is a pain that seems to last forever. Truth is, it really does. I still can remember the pain I felt when I was bullied in elementary school. No matter how many cuts and bruises we take, we will never feel a relief. I love to feel the bite of any razor, and even cut over the same cuts over and over. Still though, over time the pain I recieve from these cuts dwindle more and more over time. My body now ridden with dozens […]
I’m Pathetic.
To Care So Much For Someone That I Went Suicidal.
I’m A Attention Whore For Telling People How Hurt I Am Or That I Hurt Myself.
I’m Scared Of What I Might Become…
The Only Person The Kept Me Stable Told Me The Truth.
That I Already Knew…
It Hurt To Hear It From That One Person Though…
Everyone Leaves You…
And Sometimes You End Up Just Wanting To Be Your Own Friend; I Am My Own Friend.
Its Hurts To Hear Her Say Everything.
Cause Shes The Same Way…
And That Night I Almost Went Suicidal…
I Had The Pills On The […]
When the leaves have fallen from all the trees around me
And the rivers run dry and the seas are lonely
When the skies are black and the tides are turning
i will stand in the arms of fire and burning
i have lived in darkness a long time
over the years my eyes adjusted
until the dark become my world
now i see
times up
clock starts
get in line
fuck up
all hope is lost
the end is here
the road to b’ak’tun 1.0.0.0.0.23
For years I’ve been miserable. At night in high school I would lock my door at night before I went to bed. I would stay up until 3 or 4, or sometimes not go to bed at all. I’d cry and listen to music like a lot of insecure guys would like me. just made me feel worse and worse. Somewhere around 2, i’d finish my homework. And then get up at 630. High school=tiring.
College was better, but not much better. I started taking adderall since I took some and felt okay with myself for the first time of my life. Something like loving myself. […]
People always talk about how they have to ‘put on a fake smile’ and fool everyone, but it’s so hard to do that. I can’t. How can you smile when the crushing weight of depression is burying you? Most of the time I’m lost in my thoughts; they’re drowning me. I’m in my own little world of self-hate and despair. I look out the window and I can see the beauty, but I can’t feel it. The snow is flurrying right now, little trinkets of white raining down on the blanket of glistening snow that already fell. The trees are dead and bare, stripped of […]
Like a candle that disipates
into the velvety darknesss
of solitude,
I am smoothered by an unseen hand.
And the darkness
is like a fog
that rolls in off the sea and never leaves
Can anyone see me?
Can anyone hear my cries?
Or will I fade unnoticed
like a candle;
in the dark.
Hey there,
I’ve been at a low point for many years (and since I’m 17 that’s a lot)
I was heavily bullied, I had suffered home abuse and loss, I self harmed, my grades were dropping drastically. I had a trunk load of self hate, saw no way out.
I attempted on January 2012, I failed, obviously. Though things looked up, the day out of hospital I found a new girlfriend.
5 months later, I ruin things, she can’t deal with my problems. She leaves me after I have a mental breakdown. Weeks later she sleeps with my Friend/Brother. I survive these next few months, barely.
Now 7 months after […]
Things I picked up today after seeing my shrink for the first time in a year:
1) Seasonal Affective Disorder blows. I really don’t want to have to put up with this shit every goddamn time the leaves turn, but them’s the breaks.
2) I was reminded that the probability of getting depressed increases more and more for each successive episode. After two periods of depression, you’re likely to go through a third, which means a fourth is even more probable, etc. Of course this means that as time goes by, it’s increasingly likely that I’ll need to be on meds on a permanent basis. Fuck.
3) I’m […]
He was beautiful in every single way, the way he looked at me with his big brown eyes, and how I knew everything he was going to say before he said it. Everything was nonsense it was like life was no longer real and I was living a fairy tale. It wasn’t until I met him that I knew, your life changes in every way when you meet the right person. He was the right person because when I was with him nothing else in this world mattered, the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders and I couldn’t help but to fall […]
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