When it gets so intense I’m always back again.When I was 15 I did an art piece depicting a face expressing pain. Their eyes clenched tightly and mouth arched viciously downwards as if all was lost. I’ve come to the conclusion that it is the intensity of what I feel that drives me mad and soon to sadness. This idea unintentionally danced through my painting as I realised the inspiration was an image of Lleyton Hewitt winning his first and only grand slam. Ironic huh? Being the bell of the ball and the crazy bipolar ***** whimpering away in her room. And I don’t mean […]
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I’ve decided to create an account today, because it is my final attempt to have my voice heard. Efforts will be made to console and reassure me that the world of hell that I’ve been imprisoned in for twenty-two years is worth living; I’m beyond approach. I’m a girl who was born into a highly dysfunctional family, to a mother who showed nothing more than apathy towards me, to a fatherless home. That’s not why I’m here. My upbringing didn’t bring me to the place that I’m at right now.
My mother died when I was in twelfth grade and the depression and underlying psychological […]
I know I said I’d leave this site. I know I said I’d attempt and end it all. It doesn’t matter now, half-hearted attempts won’t get me anywhere. I guess I’ll just have to wait until I finally go insane for me to be able to end my pathetic life. Life certainly doesn’t improve at adulthood, turning 18 just makes shit more complicated, for anyone wanting to tell me that I should wait and stay alive. Typically, it seems 90% of the people I remember seeing here have gone for good and I’m just left here. That’s always how it goes, no matter […]
I am a 58 yr old woman with chronic late stage lymes disease. Â I am in pain, sick, hopeless, just can’t fight anymore. Â I’ve had this disease for 40 yrs. Â I want desperately to die. Can you still get nambutal in Mexico ?
I’m new on here, and I’ve been struggling since seventh grade really, but I’ve gotten much worse over the past few years. I’m currently a senior in high school. I’ve been to different psychologists, and none of them could help me and I just got really pissed off at them so I quit going. (Also financial reasons) But this year everyone has been just on my back every day about how I’m not trying hard enough and how I am just a failure. But I do try so hard to be the strong link. At school I get made fun of for who I […]
He said he’d never leave me. When he left, he said he’d never be with someone else. He said I was the only he’d ever want, but that he couldn’t handle my mood swings. He left. He has still been texting me here and there playing with my heart and giving me false hope. The other day I got a text from his number calling me a *****, a filthy whore, and so many other names. It was his girlfriend apparently. He had moved on..I am so destroyed. I feel so empty and dead. She was telling me to leave him alone and said that he told her all […]
I feel like I should have done something more to help. More often then not I feel completely useless. I worry that when I tell him these things he is on his side of the line rolling his eyes. The more I think the sadder I become. I want to stop thinking. I want to end it all. I try to change myself into to something else and lose sight of who I am. Am I even who I think I am? I have so many questions not getting answered. Not that anyone should even worry. I am prone to ruining shit especially relationships. I […]
fucking crappy ass friends i have. so this is how it is i decided to bring to of my friends to this band cncert thing cause i wanted to spend time with them. My other friend who is my ex, so is the one i was taking, want to go along so i said ok so i was going to buy another one. when i told them they were like if hes going then im not. i got so pissed that i said something i regreted i said fine i dont need you guys for anything anyways. this part i regret but this part i […]
As I cut deeper and deeper, I think about all of the wrong I’ve done. I think of how much we once loved each other and how we have nothing now. You are the only one I ever want to be with. You never stop loving someone. You either never did or you always will. I know I will always love you and I know it will be the death of me. You tell me you love me, but you can’t handle my depression. I always have been and always will be here for you when you need me. You make it sound like you were […]
seems like the only thing left for me is tms. anybody out there have this treatment? doing a little research i found the likely cost is between 6k-12k. depending on how many sessions is necessary. my insurance company has to decide whether it will pay. lots of hoops to jump through. my bet is that they won’t pay. the shrink gave me a referral. he seemed rather crabby yesterday. chastise me for not doing my “homework”. i left the office in tears for some reason. my first thought was to go make a “purchase”. the thought is still there. hell it is a lot cheaper […]
A little about myself.
I’m a 24 year old male from the UK, and I have suffered with depression on an official basis since 2009 after a failed suicide attempt, it began in 2005 I think. I work in food retail (Don’t do it, it’ll make you want to kill people). And I’ve done it for over 5 years.
But what about the title I see you ask, why “Fight or Flight?”
Because I feel it’s the only two choices I’ve got left. See recently I returned to the workplace which was a huge contributing factor to my mental break down I had back in December 2013, the […]
Who really has a good enough reason to commit suicide? Is one reason more acceptable than another? What if:
*your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife left you?
*you’re sad, depressed, or have some other mental illness?
*you feel trapped in a hopeless situation?
*you have a terminal illness? (although life itself is a terminal condition. You start dying the moment you’re born).
*you had bad coffee this morning?
Are any of these reasons more valid or “better” than any others? If someone you knew was in the exact same position that you’re in, would you suggest that they end their life?
I think that people have a tendency to get hung up on “reasons why”. What seems […]
He is destroying me. He doesn’t even care that he is killing me inside. I feel so alone and I’m completely lost. My friends and family act like I shouldn’t care and that I shouldn’t be upset. I didn’t want us to end..especially not because of my stupid parents. I’ve been miserable for the last 2 months..He made me happy. I felt that he was my escape from reality. I could be myself around him and he didn’t judge me. He told me he loved me and wanted me. I fell into the abyss. I am now slowly fading away. I want to die. I feel so […]
I have seen how suicide affects others, I know the pain left behind. I have seen people fall apart after a loved one takes their lives, I have seen it for myself.
I know that it’s a permanent fix to temporary problems. I know how selfish it seems. I know that even though my pain will be gone I will leave pain for others.
I know all of this yet it’s still all I can think about. How I will do it. When it would be the best time. Where. What I would say to everyone, how I would say it. What people would think.
have you ever had that one fear that you couldn’t get rid of and it keeps eating away at u until finally there is nothing left of u, nothing but an empty shell? it sucks. it really does. or when u say ur fine but deep down inside u know ur not. and that soon something is going to put u over the edge. and ur gone. u enter the void.
So, it’s the end of a terrible spring break. Last week, a kid in my class began making fun of Death, like it was something casual. He asked my closest friend if she “wanted to die”. She of course replied no, but he replied with “I think you’re lying”. I told him not to joke around about Death, cuz some people have bad memories with it. He flipped out on me, saying it was natural and nothing can stop it. Now, he had heard about my friend, and how she died in front of me, thanks to me, but he obviously didn’t care. It’s hard […]
HOW FUCKING STUPID AM I?! I MUST BE PRETTY FUCKING STUPID! IM SO STUPID! WELL FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FOR GETTING EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT AGAIN. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. IVE MADE THE DECISION IF IM NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE NONE OF THAT SHIT IS HAPPENING. NONE OF IT. HOW FUCKING STUPID AM I. JUST STRUNG ALONG AND DISPOSED OF. I SAID ALL THAT SHIT WAS SO VULNERABLE AND MEANT IT. AND YOU ATE ALL THAT SHIT UP. THEN WHEN THE MOMENT PASSES, ITS FORGET IT. FUCK YOU. I AM WORTH SO MUCH FUCKING MORE THAN THIS SHIT. MY LOVE MY […]
i tired of trying to make things work when you dont even try anymore.
ill iv done is cry
go to sleep sad
and wake up the same way
iv givin up
im tired
youv only left me with a broken heart and i dont see why im with you still.
I thought I could trust her with my heart.
She told me she loved me and we had the most amazing relationship together.
Then she left me lonely
I am still in love with everything about her. Her hair. Her face. Her way. She abandoned me, even though she promised she would never leave.
Life has no meaning anymore. She was my everything. Now she is only a distant memory that I’m still in love with.
I know that she will never come back to me
And that is why I will be in pain for the rest of my life
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