I really feel like im out of touch lately. Kinda droning on by..just on auto-pilot most of the times. My visions been getting weird and im having bouts of dizziness every now and then. I feel like im in pain both physically and emotionally that its just been one drug after another. Hell, just the other night i wrapped up ‘life is strange’ with a cocktail of rum two painkillers, a muscle relaxer and my sereoquel to top it off. And i was still awake and in pain into odd hours of the morning…feel like im growing a little dependant on popping pills just to […]
many people claim that life is worth it because there is so much potential and joy. What if there is some joy? All in all, we are basically on the titanic. Some of us may be partying but the sinking of the ship is immenent
I always wanted to die …. I was told if I tired I would regret it and never do it again
Well I tried. I was hospitalized for 4 days and I’m back home. I still want to do it. I failed I didn’t succeed when I should have. The longer I go on living …. the more I hurt. I don’t want to do this anymore I don’t know what the point is. I have yet to have a purpose for staying yet I’m still here. Altough that may be a ‘sign’ I still don’t want to be here. Life is shit…. it doesn’t matter […]
None of us signed a contract to be born. It was the choice of our parents. In my case, my immature 19 and 21 year old parents choose to have sex without a condom, than decided not to get an abortion when biomom got pregnant. Me, the person effected the most by my parents irresponsible choices, has no choice to opt out of life. At least not the way I want to.
Why does our CULTure and the medical establishment consider it a mental illness to not want to live anymore? they think it’s absolutely nuts not to wanna live in a world were your enslaved […]
Even though I’m not suicidal (actively seeking a way out or planning anything) I’d be more than happy to choose a peaceful exit from this world. I don’t get our societies sick and twisted obsession with forcing everyone to stay alive against there will. I was put in a psyche ward over a month ago, and yes it did “help”, but it was only temporary. They get payed to force me to live, my family wants to keep me alive for there own selfish purposes. Like I said many times, I didn’t choose to be born nor have I chose the cards I was dealt […]
I feel so tired. I have been suicidal ever since I can remember. However, in recent years I have been distracting myself from these thoughts by trying to convince myself that life is better than the alternative. I would always tell myself “I’m going to try living to the fullest today. I can always die tomorrow.” There are days when this works and there are days when it doesn’t. I feel tired because I have to continuously keep convincing myself that life is worth living. Its been almost two years since I started living this way and I’m still not fully convinced of it.
so….depression….isn t that the worst *****? i feel that i can t and won t do it….it stole everything from me…even myself. i ve been happy, i know the feeling, i miss it like the human misses oxygen. i can t have it back….i had a break down and lost everything.nothing can change the past and we cannot rewrite history. i choose not to live in pain. i tried for a while…some meds, some therapy….nothing worked…i just want and wanted out. this fear of fucking death, the unknown, still keeps me here…i know it won t be for long…i can t bear too much. honestly…life […]
a word play on year end review. I’m also gonna post a Menstral Monthy (funny terms for an unhappy life) on here too and share with the world about how my life is going. Maybe ill do it in poetry form or something. I guess I’ll go ahead and do October
Its October, fall is here
I’m a sad ************ just like last year
Laying in bed, to broke to shed a tear
Plagued by loneliness, fear, I need a beer
i can’t steer my life in the right direction
Crashing, mental paralysis, major depression
the infections from all the constant past rejections
Erase my mind, I don’t want no recollection
This month has been a […]
If memories only serve a catalyst for misery and my future is bleak?
There is nothing, my anxiety destroys any prospect I would ever have. Are some destined to exit early? I find myself asking this question a lot. Very little makes me genuinely happy, I’m never safe in my own skin. It’s sad to say I feel the most comfortable and at home when I am alone. How pathetic my life has become. So many mistakes I have made, I wish I owned a fucking time machine (I’m sure a lot of people think that). Being haunted everyday with no ability to make new memories […]
idk why nothing gets better
it doesn’t
i feel so much pain in being alive so alone such a struggle so hard now every day it’s like trying to breathe can’t breathe literally sometimes
the list of bad things is too long, the past always knocking me in the eye
i know im going to die soon b/c i cant bear sexual abuse and it’s horrors all alone anymore the fb’s the depression the noise terrorism the paranoia the past running into people i dont want to see the stigma
and at this point im really looking forward to it
it would be nice if there had been god at all […]
Just an update my car is uncomfortable it does not have good lumbar support lol I’m sleeping in a Parking garage I’m hungry my neck hurts I have no money and I have a continuous headache I took a shower at my gym because I have not yet lost my membership I spend my day going to different subways until they kick me the fuck out so I can use the wifi to look for shit jobs because my data is very low. I’m […]
so my father told he should never been with my mum and she’s ugly and she was a mistake in his life
idk why he told me that !! and he told me that he hate us and should’ve gone long time ago..
idk how i was counting on him a lot of things even my college and stuff ..
and now i’ve left with nothing.. and i finally knew he doesn’t even care and want me to be failure and sad
I can’t even take a breath without feeling this pain in my heart ..
this life is too long i can’t keep living with […]
I read all these fucked up stories on ID. I’m the next fucking one. “Im the devil and I will cut your face off.” “I’m gonna break all your teeth out, stab you in the eyes and leave you wandering the streets. Duct tape you and leave you in the shower for a few days.” You fucking monkey, you retarded slut, you don’t do a fucking thing, fucking worthless whore.
Everyday. Walk on eggshellS. I’ll do anything, anything to make it stop. He didn’t save me, he damned me, to this life. Takes away every option. I had such an amazing opportunity, all the right pills, […]
Does anyone else feel this way? I personally don’t want to live as absolute long as possible. I read about how some people live 100+ years, crediting their longevity to silly things such as “eating bacon everyday” or “eating a grapefruit daily” and so on. I’m glad to hear that these people are glad to be alive and further happy to hear that they’re content with going on living for as long as possible. And then there’s people who have searched for ‘the fountain of youth’, wanting eternal youth and never aging. Me? I definately don’t want to stay on this earth for as long […]
The end of my life is growing closer. I’ve always known I would take my own life one day. But that day always seemed far off. So it wasn’t a source of excessive worry. However, that is no longer the case. I have reached a state very near the point of emotional exhaustion. My life has been spiraling downward for over a decade. I’ve lost everything in my life. My little remaining money allowed me to keep things going and appearances up. And I’ve kept assuming/hoping my career would be revitalized. After being unemployed for 3 years now, my last vestiges of hope are gone. […]
The sensation that deprive your mind of any kind of goal oriented thinking and at the same time produce a will for getting rid of itself. The way it is felt is immense and it takes over other feelings much like an orgasm. Although momentarily but lasts its mark on your body, soul or your heart. Whenever you get reminded of your pain, of any time, you immediately know what is the feeling and how you would feel if to endure that pain again….But pain unfortunately has a habit of being recurrent. Normally brain would push the pain of the past to the farthest corners […]
Hi.. I am MrSilent. There is not much to know of me so I won’t bother with the details. I will give a very broad background of why I have chosen this name..
For years and counting, I have been silent. Silent of my emotion, silent of my thoughts and silent of my life and it’s duration. Recently, I’ve stumbled upon this community. I thought it would be quite interesting to be able to speak through text.. I have much to say but I will save most for later if I am still living. There is not a doubt that I am slowly collapsing, so, […]
My life is literally one huge fucking mess. I have no direction whatsoever, I can’t decide for the life of me what I even want to do with this shitty life of mine. I’m a walking contradiction, I can never make any fucking decisions, probably because I can never visualise a positive outcome of any situation ever because my life is so fucking shit. Nothing at all makes me happy, I have no fucking hobbies because I’m too much of a lazy coward to ever put my mind to anything. I have a shitty, dead end retail job which makes my hate my pathetic life […]
How come no one has ever told me how to deal with stress?
all i want to do is stare into the wall all day… and thats exactly what i do. i cant get anything done.
i want to get things done i just cant get an overview and that leads to me panicking about it and then i dont get it done. i hate it. every minute of it.
i get more and more depressed for each day passing.. nothing seems to cheer me up anymore. i cry over the littlest things. i cant hold myself together. my life is chaos right now…. i […]
It all started at a young age… my mother was in an abusive relationship, and I felt helpless because I was too little to stick up for her. I started hating myself, I blamed myself for her abuse. Eventually I began hating her, I despise her, but I still wish I could’ve done something! This is where the self hatred began. I then moved in with my father and have been living with him for around 4 years now. In the past 4 years I have severely struggled in school. I had always been a straight A student, but now I find myself struggling to […]