Fuck man I’m feeling death take over my soul minute by minute today. Feel so weak. Agh goddamn. I should be past this. I should be this and should be that. I should’ve never been born. This life man – all its been is pain. What a ***** of a life. I wish i knew who or what I was in a past life so i could channel that identity’s strength into this one. Fuck.
Tag:
life
” I’m sorry i cheated on you and used you” “it’s okay”
” I’m sorry that i verbally abused you” “it’s okay”
” I’m sorry i physically abused you” […]
The constant fear I feel due to my chemically imbalanced brain. I can’t socialize correctly unless I try really really hard, but the strain of wearing social makeup has left me feeling hollow and wishing for a swift end to my existence. I don’t care about my own life, and so I care about others even less; no point in me continuing to live. What about you?
Ever notice how everything is temporary.? Love, LIFE, happines etc… But depression, depression is forever it seems like. I wish it was temporary. I wish it was as easy to end depression as it is to end happiness. Depression will always be with me, and it sucks to know that. Because I am alone, even with so many people around I am alone. So I ask myself since everything is temporary what’s wrong with ending it early.? Then what would they all do.? Bury me and griev temporarily.. but my soul is will feel nothing, and I’d much rather feel numb, feel nothing at all […]
I’m here because I don’t want to die. I want to believe that I have something to offer this world, and that my current suffering will lead to a day where I can turn it around and use it to help others. Thing is, I’ve been depressed my whole life. I feel like from the moment I was born, I was given a cluster of psychiatric diagnoses instead of a personality. I was a problem to be solved, not a person to be loved. I was not human; I was merely human labels. Autism at first, because I’d rock endlessly in place. Then bipolar, because […]
I finally figured out what it is. He completely invalidated my feelings. The love I’ve felt for him or anyone else, he writes off as stupid or crazy. So my feelings aren’t real to others and therefore don’t matter. Apparently you can stomp all over my ‘feelings’ and it won’t hurt me because I don’t really have any true, honest, normal and rational feelings like everybody else. That just invalidates my entire LIFE because I’ve known what I wanted out of life since I was 5. My death truly won’t matter.
I have always told myself that contradictions can be a good thing and a bad thing all in itself. Good ones teach us how to make good choices in life but the bad ones show us how bad this can really be. But life gets really hard when you are a living, breathing, and bleeding contradiction.
I am a contradiction because I love the warm feeling that life can give me, but i want nothing more than to feel the cold grip of death on my shoulder. I am a contradiction because so many people have told me that I am a gift and bring […]
I’m 25 years old and have suffered from severe depression and anxiety since I was 14. Medication and therapy have been of little assistance. I’ve had a very difficult social life due to this problem making it difficult to form friendships and impossible to find a romantic relationship the latter of which has devastated me more than anything. I recently spent a day with a girl I connected with more than anyone I have ever met, agreed to stay in contact with her and within a few days she completely cut off all contact with me without explanation. This is the only time in my […]
why do so many people in the spring of their life want to die?
by cathy arsis
written by cathy arsis
I know a part of it is lack of latitude, perspective, and maturity…another mitigating factor is the plethora of uncouth unkempt destructive and fickle hormones that run rampant and unchecked in rare form, throughout all the winters that reign year(s) in and through all the days of precocious and ironically facetious youth thru the ides of March until age20 comes to pass…..but how much, and towards what end, does the state of the world, internationally and locally weigh in this….if this is a cumbersome and poorly written, it’s bc it’s written in stream of consciousness style. It’s a writing exercise used by writers to hone their […]
Talk to someone about something relevant, and most people will respond like they are not interested.
People that prioritize their fantasies at the expense of the reality of things are, sadly, the byproduct of a lack of education, cultural indoctrination, or more drastically, some genetic outcomes, being a victim of violence, extreme poverty, sickness, addictions, to name a few…
Now try to fix or to solve a universal, a global, a regional or a local problem, because that idea you got is closer to an optimal state, clearly realistic, and/or overall less or not problematic at all. You will be stopped, discouraged, even […]
The shadow of darkness is too much to bear.
This life, this misery, must come to an end.
No more will I suffer this nightmare.
Too much is broken, too much to mend.
The demons torture and destroy me in my head.
Here and now this nightmare ends, it’s time to put these demons to bed.
On this day I will live and die.
On this day I say goodbye.
I’ve been thinking lately about life, I have accepted that everyone dies and I shall too at one point. For me personally I have no reason to go on, I do not hate myself but I do know that I have no ultimate goal in life or any real ties to anyone that I feel are important to me enough to the point that I care how they would feel if I was to die. Basically I’m wondering if anyone could give me some advice as to how to find a purpose in life that could keep me going because right now I just feel […]
Why does my mother care about my brother so much more than me even though he does literally nothing. He got kicked out of college, hasn’t been able to find a job, is planning to get married to a girl just as hopeless as him, and always asks for money. On the other hand, I have been living my entire life trying to prove that I am good enough for her.
Why – even with my 4.5 GPA and a stack of certificates as tall as me, and a room full of first place trophies – I am still not good enough for her to recognise […]
I don’t know what everyone on this site or blog goes through but it doesn’t deny the fact that each and every one of you is or are special. You might have cut, purge, or starve yourself today or you might even do it tonight. But guess what? That’s doesn’t change the fact that you are marvelous. Recovery is a tough road and is filled with swirls and curves and is definitely not a straight line but it’s possible regardless of what path you are on in life. You may be getting abused by others in your life but that doesn’t mean that you do […]
Growing up in a traditional Asian household, life was very different from what I had read in American novels. With a strict Taiwanese father who graduated from Harvard, was the minister for Sino-America relations, and a Marine for 15 years, expectations were always set high. And my mother on the other hand, looked at me as no more than a show pony that she could steal accomplishments from. From an early age, achievement was measured in medals, and love in trophies. Whether or not I would get beaten depended on how fast my times in the latest swim meets were, how I placed in the latest […]
I don’t sleep much. But when I do, I dream a lot.
I just woke from a dream in which I met an old friend, after years apart. On the one hand it was pleasant, because it meant being with people again, and life, and enthusiasm. But it was also painful, because the way I related to everyone was just like in real life. I hid my true self. I could feel myself being deceptive about what I really felt, believed, who I really was. Even with caring, sympathetic, intelligent people, predisposed to viewing me positively, I have to pretend.
It’s the same with everyone I meet. […]
There are two basic aspects to life, that I can see; the general concepts, and the intricacies that make them up. “Fruerer parvas;” enjoy the small things. A Latin phrase that shouldn’t be casually dismissed. Enjoying the little things has a lot of truth, as in that the little things are often the things that bring us the most pleasure.
I think about my future, I think about my past. I think about the world, life and death. These things are interesting, but they do not make me smile. What makes me smile are the small appreciations I carry for certain things; seeing a humming bird […]
What did I do to deserve this life?
Im so sorry
I just want it to end
I don’t want to feel
I don’t want to think
I just want to be free
Is that honestly to much to ask?
I’ll try to keep this short and to the point…
I just finished high school. I currently live with my father. I’m unemployed, and don’t know where or how to look into anything related to college. I ended HS barely passing with a 2.1 GPA, so universities and whatever are most likely out of the question (for anyone who does not understand GPAs, just assume that I barely graduated, the minimum par being 2.0).
Lately, I’ve been getting high or drunk every day since June, basically, after I moved out of my mom’s place just after finishig school. For all intents and purposes, moving back in with […]
I have had success but it is all gone. I had love but it is gone. Ive traveled done and seen a lot but none of that is in my future. If the future is merely a shell a hollow existence of mere survival as opposed to living is there any reason to go on?