My mind is doing that thing where I remember everyone that I used to have in my life, everyone that left. I’m wondering, not for the first time, if every single relationship and friendship fell apart because of me. If multiple people decide that I’m not worth staying for then something I do or a part of who I am must be the reason. I’ve tried to change parts of myself a few times, act like some sort of chameleon that fits in perfectly to what someone wants. It used to work for a short while, allow me to make a temporary home in a […]
am i the only one who felt worse once someone told me i had severe depression?
am i the only one who stays up late thinking because sleeping will mean its closer in waking up?
i know a lot of people are feeling how i am, or worse, i just cant stop crying or feeling the way i do. i wont to change, i want to be reborn so i can take away these scares that i’ve been told im weak over. i want to start over, new body, new everything. i want to go to sleep and never wake up again.
I’ve come around because everything has become too much. All I do is work all day to save meager wages that will do me no good. I come home tired to start my homework so that maybe I can earn a bit more cash someday. That’s my life: nowhere else to go, nothing else to do, no other purpose.
No, life isn’t about being adored, but all day, every day, everyone I come across looks down their noses at me and thinks I’m dumb, weird- just an all around loser. Even my mom. Each day ends and I cry because they’re right, they know me immediately. […]
dont know when you will actualy read this but i need to talk to some one i hope your willing to read and listen. i;m desprate i need something not sure what i know i tell you not to talk about killing yourself but i know how you feel for diffrent reasons.  im not sure how much longer i can hold on staying alive so i dont hurt my kids isnt enough of a reason any more staying alive because its a sin to kill myself not sure about that. ending the pain sounds real good right now. ending the frustration the hoplesness  the uncertany […]
Lonliness….It’s what I feel everday of my life….It’s what I’ve felt for so long….too long….I’ve gotten used to being alone….but just because I’ve gotten used to this, it does not mean that I like to be alone…
My name is Alex. Everyone thought I was the happiest person they knew. I made myself believe it at times. I have been depressed since I was about six. And now seven years later…I Still am. My father left me, my sister, and my mother just so he could run off to live in Oklahoma with his hooker girlfriend. I believed everything was my fault. That nothing would ever get better. That nothing mattered. I was six. I was so depressed.Everyone thought that because I was so young that I wouldn’t be able to understand what was happening. But I did. They didn’t think that […]
I know that i’m not the only one in the world that is lonely…especially on this site. I know that there are other problems that are more serious than lonliness and depression, but i just want to encourage the lonely souls out there cause lonliness is what i relate to the most. I want to let you know that you aren’t all completely alone. I dont know…things will get better. I promise. Dont think youre the only one staring at those pills or reaching for something that cuts. Today was a good day for me..a great day..and…idk I guess what i’m trying to say is that if […]
I cannot stand a new day beginning. I hate the daylight because i live in the darkness. Today begins a new day to struggle through..i dont have alot of fight left in me. The older i get the more tired i am. I use to dream even in the darkest of times…i use to dream of just living a normal life…a decent home..an education..friends..family..job..a littlte money in the bank..i do not dare to dream of that anymore…i use to be a good mom..but ive hurt my boys..and i cant even speak of that…nothing hurts more than the pain of your children. My heart overflows with […]
or it certainly seems and feels like I will.
I have had mental health problems for years now and I have always actively tried to help myself. I have always sought help and have been medicated for a long time. I think it was hard because I was never ill enough for it to be noticed by anyone but ill enough for it to interfere with my life daily.
I just hate myself. Every time I close my eyes, my mind is screaming for me to end it. I just cant do it any more and I have no other choice. I have never visualised myself being […]
My feelings about suicide after a beloved family member took their own life in 2012.
Happier Times
December 16, 2008 – […]
Its just another year of lonliness.
Just another year of pain.
Another year of me wishing I was somewhere else.
But at least its a new year. 2011 was the year when things went wrong. Horribly, terribly wrong. So wrong that i wanted to kill myself. 2012 could be better. But it could be worse. Hopefully it will be better. I doubt it though
-End
I’m not fully suicidal. Hell, I’m not sure if I really belong here. All I know is I’m in pain. about six years ago I got suicidal. But eventually I got over it. then about 3 years ago, it came back, but I again weathered the storm, and was fine. A little over a year ago I had to move away from my friends, and everything I had work to build up in my life. I slowly got better. I’ve been in this new place, across the country from where I was, and it seems like all I know is pain now. I have no […]
So lonely i cant stand it. I have no idea why i havent killed myself yet, i wish i did a long time ago. I guess i cant blame anyone for not wanting to be my friend. Nobody would want a stupid, weak, fool like myself for a friend. I deserve to die.
-End
Tried to tell you, with all of my talk about death.
Tried to show you, but never in seriousness.
I hurt you and I’ll never let myself forget
How more people get hurt, the closer I get.
It’s so hard to find yourself in the shadows,
So I just settled for keepin’ the door closed.
Keepin’ secret the thoughts that rush through my head,
All the nights I’ve stayed up, thinkin’ “I should be dead.â€
I love you but it seems like I’m always falling.
I turned into a person who’s always name-calling,
And bitching and whining and hurting you all.
Time to find somewhere high […]
Hello! I just want to say that right now i feel like the worlds loneliest person. I have no real friends, and I’m so insecure about myself that I didn’t even go outside today to mow the damn lawn. Let me start from the beginning as to why I’m so upset though. My life was fine and dandy up until the age of ten. When I was ten my dad died and I was closest to him. He was the smartest person I ever knew and he got into Georgetown University at 16, graduated, and went to work for one of the top law firms […]
in responce to that first comment on my last blog (sorry about the spelling): i didnt mean for it to sound like i was competing, or even to insinuate that this is, somehow a competion. just that i got the feeling that my last post was being pooh- poohed as unimportat. any way. i cant talk to my friend (we’re 17), thats really the whole problem, i dont know how to express my self (hense competition thing), i either underestimate the whole situation, and then people dont belive me, or i go ott, and end up getting really defensive.Â
i cant talk to my mum or dad, […]
ok. last post was a little vague i guess.
i was sexually abused when i was 6 till i was about 7/8 ish, by some boys in my primary school. (i’m a girl). I am absoulutly terified of people touching me now, anywhere. i csnt really get close to peoplr, obviously i have trust issues. when i get upset, depressed – i cant talk to anyone, my friend gets really anoyed and angry. she says i act like a spoilt brat, and i make her think we’re not really best friends. i told her about what happened to me. doesnt really look like she took it […]