What if I didn’t exist? Would the world be a better place? Or would it feel any less different. I ache with pain that no one seems to understand. I speak softly but people listen loudly. I do not want this for myself but it seems I cannot shake it. I cannot shake the demons off. I am lost and in search of an imaginary peace. What people don’t realize is that I am not as strong as I seem. I used to be, at least I used to portray it better. I am now weak, the weak never prosper. I sought help from a […]
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Lost
I was at the age of 12 when the bullying started. It was a group of my now former best friends, who would taunt and ridicule me-leaving the young me to feel loneliness and depression. I thought about suicide a lot at 12.
I went on to middle school, where I became a stereotypical nerd. I had very little friends and would often find myself picked last in gym class (yes, things like this actually happened to nerds lol). In my last year of middle school I made it a mission to stay as invisible as possible-I had several friends, never spoke up in class-and almost […]
I feel like the reason I like the suicide project is because I can write my true feelings. Â Usually I keep them bottled up. Â I know my dad has advanced diabetes and my mom just lost her mom and then her little sister and she feels helpless so I cant really tell them “hey I have serious depression, I lay in the fetal position and cry and wish for it to be over” Â That doesnt help them. Â So I try to keep going and then what happens my sister starts a fight with me over shit that has nothing to do with me. Â So I […]
I’m lost I can’t even keep a steady thought. My meds failed me I was so much worse. I’m unappreciated and I am so through with my duties in life. My responsibility isn’t even a reality for people. Why must I burden myself with the heavy hearts of everyone around me. I make there issues my own because they mean more than my own life. Now I want to just take mine and leave it at that. I don’t even want to move anymore everything sets me off. I’m beginning to feel the end is near I’ve been going strong for so long. I don’t […]
I was in love with this boy. He had black hair, bright blue eyes, and scars on his arms. He held me in his arms everyday I saw him. He grabbed my hand when he saw hopelessness in my eyes. He kissed me when I felt alone. What else could I have asked for? When we were in bed naked, lying next to each other, he’d kiss the scars on my arms. The bruises on my hands. The burns on my wrist. I was in love, so deep, that I would have never imagined the day to come that he’d no longer want me. Love […]
my friend took his own life on march 18, 2013. he gambled with his own life as he spun the cylinder to his prized .45 revolver, looked dead into his best friend’s eyes and pulled the trigger… he had a 1 in 6 chance of death and he took that- he left no warnings before hand… i dont think he thought it would go off… Â but it did… and now he’s gone…….. he thought he had no one but his best friend- and even then, he knew he was gonna move in with his girlfriend and Robert would be homeless and living in his […]
Isn’t it ironic? A young adult takes his life and his entire community is shocked, startled…sorry. The social media sites will be flooded with posts, somewhere along the lines of “RIP *insert name here* – you were loved and will be missed dearly”. Why does no one bother telling him that before it was too late? Why do people only start to care when the last breath struck his body? Some will answer: because they didn’t know. So what? Does a person need to be openly suicidal, in order to receive some love and affection? When did it become a heroic deed to remind the […]
Today has been better than yesterday was for her. No yelling, no fighting, no hurtful words were propelled at her.
Last night was rough on her. She had to meet her regulars, some nice, some not so much. There was always those men who were very aggressive and since they were paying they felt entitled to anything they wanted. The girl would stop arguing after the first hit, she would stop resisting and let herself float into subspace waiting till it was over. The girl would awaken with noticeably black bruises up and down her arms, her neck, and down her legs.
She is afraid to go home, she […]
i need my dad to be here for me i dont need him shouting at me…… this shit… to much lost fath…… if ther is a god he gave up on me 16 years ago…. when i was born
love you xxxxxxxxxxxx
I have reached the a point in my life where certain patterns have repeated themselves. These patterns once thought under control have so gone out of control that the pattern is now a real relative in my life. This pattern at first was just bad emotional output on my part, then the second time occurred and its all the same all over again the exact same way it ended the last time. The last time I lost two very dear things close to me and now I have no chance of ever seeing them again due to my own stupid decision. This time the thing […]
I’m sick of it all!! The world leaders and the stupidity, the difficulty dealing with my own stupidity and my past. I love my children; I do and people care for me but they care more about me than I do. I’m jealous of all those who have died already however they died. I have lost those closest to me except for my girls who are probably the only reason I wake up. I cry all the time. I’m stressed and have thought of more ways to die than the Mayan long count calender has days! I don’t want to die because i BELIEVE life […]
I’ve been feeling this way for almost 11 years. I’m surprised I’ve even made it this far. I’ve lost most of my friends because they’re tired of hearing me being sad and depressed all of the time, especially when their lives are going so well. Not like they were any help to me when they were around but it’s just that now, I feel completely alone. I have no one to talk to and I’ve been keeping my feelings in for so long. No one even bothers to help me anymore because they feel its no use. After they give me advice, a couple of […]
This guy from my past has been calling me but tonight he was going on about how he helped some girl at the library where he works and it was like he was trying to upset me about it, its hard to explain, he plays mind games, and the stupid thing is it worked. He has upset me. I am very vulnerable right now and he knows it. What is it about me?
So I made an excuse and hung up, but now I am feeling even more shakey. The thoughts are, I dont want to feel like this anymore, I cant do this anymore. I […]
Her mother has six children, five girls and one boy. She is second oldest in line. The oldest sister does nothing to help the family, never steps up to her place to aide the mother in raising up the children. There is no father around, though the boy does not step up and take the mans place like he should, protecting the women and girls. She has been taking care of children since she was 6, feeding them, bathing them, getting up every 2 hours for a bottle. She had grown tired but does not complain for she knows her mother must appreciate it somehow… […]
i’m in so much pain mentally.
can i tell you a secret? my best friend of 17 years raped and burned me with cigarettes while he was drunk. (you’re the first person i told) i have been cutting myself off and on since i was 9 because my cousin molested me until i was 12 and when i finally told them they said i was lying and i got slapped with being bipolar 2. i have one friend she is a complete ***** she doesn’t even care “it’s all about her” anyway. i am an introverted kind of person. i just turned 25 and i’m scared that […]
well iv lost my friends to them calling me a atanchion seeker i was just lookinf for help thats all and james jump off the tamar brig copul weeks ago seems the ones who understand me kill them selfs iv spent mosr of my life all 16 years helping people and noe im looking for help ther trowing me away now that im spent of all my love and careing
its got to get beter right it cant get wors.. thats what i say to my self evrey day the lsd hs stopt working so has the weed and people say to me your still young you dont know […]
i fucking hate how everyone keeps leaving. the moment i begin to trust them and become attached to them they stop talking to me and all of a sudden i have no one. i’m done with trust and i’m done trying to keep up all my friendships on my own. just stop making me feel like shit
I stayed away from Collin for a day. He told me to call and sure enough I did. What happened? He let it go to voicemail, he was testing me to see if I was still there. Possibly sitting around for him when I was not.
I am slowly slipping away from the real world and wanting this all to be a fantasy. I want to be loved but you can never force someone to love you or that will push them farther away. Men like Collin just want to know that no matter what, someone will always be there to catch them when they fall, but when it is your […]
The prayers I used to say like now I lay me down to sleep if I should die before I wake.. Take on new meaning though I am not religious. And all the pain still there and the advice that you’ll just run in circles for years in therapy.
That feeling when you’re a little kid and you get lost in the grocery store, it’s scary.. but now I want it for good.
I have decided to end it all. Almost a year and a half ago my youngest son cut me out of his life because his girlfriend didnt like the choices I made about my business. They wont talk to me nor will they allow me to see my grandchildren. They have always been close to me til now. They have lived next door to us for over 5 years until this conflict. My grandson is only 7 so untill the estrangement he always was next door. I now have a grand daughter that I dont even know or would even recongnize if I did see […]