Yup, some things have happened since i last came here. i think i’m in love, but i hate getting hurt so much. My best friend came into town but right now she’s not here. Thats pretty much all that has happened that is good. I still am depressed and suicidal but again, i can’t leave my best friend alone in this cruel world. Wish i could go right now. Still am addicted to cutting. I’ve burned myself but its not the same without any blood. I’ve seriously been thinking about drugs. I need something that will help relax me and maybe i’d finally get some […]
Tag:
Lost
i just want to get out! i need to escape….
i’ve never before seen this place as a prison, it used to just be my home.
but the last few months have taken it all out of me. i cant do it.
i just need to leave, loose contact, recover from the mind fucking these people have put me through… but i have got not one place to go.
im so lost in the dark!
This is about me 3 years ago and how I survived looking into the horror that I have created. I was a lonely person my whole life and I been reading all the time. What else does a boy with no friends have to do. Anyway at age of 17 I spent months in my room reading. I had hundreds of books there. And one book which I ran across had affected me in a very bad way. I got interested in it and I read it over and over and somehow suddenly it affected me. I began to have paranoid thoughts and become scared […]
If you don’t know, The Sunset Limited is a movie, about a suicidal man with two very famous actors in it. Its defiantly worth a watch.
Anyways, I feel like Tommy Lee Jones in that movie. Nobody gets me, except for the people on this site! I’m living in a constant state of agony as I have never felt in my life. As some of you know I tried to hang myself yesterday. I landed on with my feet on the floor the first time I tried due to not calculating the rope position properly after the noose was tightened it left too much space. So […]
Hi. I am unnamed. But I have a past. And a future, I have attempted suicide 4 times by over dosing. I go to two councillors and my friends are supposed to be there for me. But they aren’t. They care more about partying and drinking and I have this. Anyways, I was sexually harassed by my step father. He texted me telling me to send him pictures and that he doesn’t think of me as a step daughter, but more as a hot friend. My mother didn’t do anything about it, she is still with him and is closer than ever with him. I […]
Depression, social anxiety, idk what else. I cut, I’m lost and hopeless, living on the thought that life amuses me a little.. killing myself would mean I don’t get to be “entertained” anymore. Entertained… more like watching a miserable world do it’s thing. I don’t even feel like me, I feel like someone outside of me, watching in. I don’t care to much anymore.. but I hate attention, I hide everything, that’s all I really care about anymore, is getting away. I’ve lost hope, I don’t know about my future, which everyone pressures me on that I should know.. I don’t know, I’m done trying […]
i lost my best friend. Im losing more and more, i dont what happened, i dOnt how it happened but i just got in to a fight with another close friend. Its things like what she said to me tha makes me turn around and cut or burn. She knows how i think and how i view myself. I hate how i live and i want out. Im sick of the harrassment at school that gos on behind my back, im sick of crying every night know that my day isnt gonna be good. I make myself sick apmost every night! Im sick of evedything […]
I just don’t know where to turn anymore. I’ve had tons of problems my whole life, like anxiety, depression, alcoholism. My mother recently had a massive stroke in November of last year, and hasn’t recovered. And a little over a month after that, I lost my only brother to pills. I really don’t know what to do. I have never fit in this world, and the one person that always gave me motivation to keep going is now gone. My drinking has gotten completely out of hand, and the idea of getting sober and staying that way, well, scares the hell out of me. My […]
I am not the only one. There are others, multiple hordes, some of whom are people I know, people I even see regularly. Though I am slowly emerging into admitting my illness, they must do so too. Until this happens we are all alone here and we are dead.
There are no similes and there are no metaphors; everything can only be explained and delineated in exact terms. There are continual pressures applied from other people, wherever I turn. I try to escape, yet someone inevitably & invariably lurks around the next mental vista. There is truly nowhere to go when the thoughts inside your head […]
I hate the fact that you make fun of and say mean shit about the one person that I really love…I hate that when my boyfriend broke up with me you showed no pity but you kick me out of the room when you want to talk to your friend who was stood up for his second date….I hate that I can’t get away, that there is no where to go, and no one to listen. And everyday that I think I want to kill myself and I talk myself out of it I find myself wishing I did kill myself the next day.
I just […]
Sick,
I am constanly making mistakes to my boyfriend, I don’t want to but I keep doing them. I can barely live with myself after the mistakes I make, I don’t mean to fuck whats wrong with me. I don’t want too but I keep doing it he wants to leave me because of them all and I don’t want him too I don’t know why I cant put a stop to the mistakes! As simple as falling asleep on him, fuck. Whats wrong with me I don’t want to harm him I dont want him to leave and I have failed to fix my reoccurring […]
It’s almost been a year now. A year since I pushed the only person out of my life who made life worth living. Since then I’ve become an alcoholic, abandoned my personal morals regarding premarital sex, am stuck in a relationship that I don’t know how to get out of, and have become even more depressed then I thought I could be.
Meanwhile my closest companion has gone off to better herself spiritually and with an education, and is apparently now in a relationship. Hopefully the person she is with now doesn’t hurt her as badly as I did.
I don’t know if I have […]
Today I burried love. I dont think the statment needs an explaination, anyone who has truely loved and lost must know how It feels. For those who don’t imagine choking and trying to breathe yet your unable to, one must not confuse it with physical pain but the emotional pain which one is unable to overcome. But the post today isn’t really about explainations, this time i dont need them… burrying love doesnt have a justification, or an explaination.
This post is about questioning how must one go on, I mean what do i do now that the future seems to be becoming my past, tomorrow it will […]
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person.. thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
by niki
written by niki
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person…
thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
I often feel like I belong to another planet, universe, or perhaps another ‘spiritual’ plane, dimension,..something like that.
my super-vivid imagination’s world / universe is often a HUNDRED times much more lively, interesting, exciting, thrilling, and challenging than this apparently “Law and Order, all about money/profits and status” shallow, mundane, meaningless real world !
it’s my curse.
fuck my life..
get the hell me out of this fucking Matrix , please , somebody!
there should be an OPTION to get the fuck […]
again, I am in this deep hole. I am feeling very lonely here 🙁 All those people who are around me over the day, no one to talk to and if I try to start a talk with someone they just leave me alone 🙁 I have holidays next week and they will be like hell again. A whole week where no one in my age talks to me. I am just so tired of searching for friends, unfortunately I am also so tired of being alone. I hate everything at the moment. I hate how I fail at everything I do. I hate myself […]
Once again, I am back from the hospital for suicidal thoughts and depression… Yippy. Just what I want, right? Wrong. I wish that I didn’t have to come back to school… I hate it here…. Anywaysssss I was there also for my anger. I have a terrible temper and I needed to get that under control also, but mostly, I was there for my depression… I tried to OD yesterday also and tried to cut open my arms. Sounds great, doesn’t it? God, why can’t I just be happy…? Even if it’s for a minute. Why?
I lied.
I told them to be happy when
I’m most certainly not.
I told them things get better when
I doubt that they ever will.
I told them to always have hope when
I’ve lost all of mine.
I told them everyone’s beautiful when
I feel ugly all the time.
I told them to always stay strong when
I’m slowly breaking as days go by.
Credit: watch-me-bleed.tumblr.com
It’s been a while…
A long while, actually… over a year. People still respond to my last post, which means I have helped over 1,000 people that were considering suicide…
But tonight I write to you in distress. Yes, I too, though a survivor, have many struggles.
Today is my 19th birthday, and I’m alone.
I have been drinking, and thinking much more than is healthy.
I have lost so much… yet I am needed here. It hurts, and I know I’ll get through this, but at times… you just need to vent.
Take a deep breath… think of what has driven you to this […]
Like everyone who I have encountered in my life, you just expect too many things… things that I can’t fullfill. I am sorry, I just can’t take this anymore… I’m sorry if I let you down, but I’ve let myself down so many times I lost the count… You always say it’s up to me to change, but guess what… I’m not myself anymore, I don’t even know who I am. Yeah I DON’T EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND, so just leave me, let me pretend everything is fine when both of us know its not…
Ive been so depressed lately I just don’t know what to do with myself any more I have cuts and scars all over. One of my friends laughed at me when I told her I cut. My mum thinks I stopped I just don’t have the strength to tell her. My step dad abuses me I have a cut on my head thanks to him. I cry every night. I can’t get the image of my aunt out of my head since September when she died. She was more of a mum then mine. I haven’t seen my father since 2005 he said he loved […]