I chose this to be my username for a reason. I’m out of options. Everyone says I’m not allowed to kill myself or self injure or smoke or drink or do drugs but at the same time they say I don’t need therapy. They say I’m not allowed to die but I can’t stand living another day. I’m living my life for other people, cuz I sure as hell don’t want to be here. If I’m living just so someone can see my face one more time, why bother? I’m dead on the inside. I might as well make the outside match. I’m tiered […]
I all the time feel lost.
Day by day I feel like it’s work to try to be friends with people. I feel like everyone around me is hypocritical and fake. I talk to my mom all the time about how one day my friend can be gossiping about someone non-stop and the next they’re going on a trip with that person and acting like they’re best friends.. I believe in forgiveness and I believe that if someone does wrong to you over time you need to forgive. I also believe in being true to yourself and making it clear to people who you are […]
I’m sitting here in English class,
My mind is far away,
I’m drifting more and more,
My skies keep growing grey.
The times are quite exhausting,
My mask is slipping off,
I don’t know how long I’ll manage,
To continue all the faking.
My life is split in two,
I’m pretend and I am real,
I’m hiding from the world,
But on my own the real shines through.
My thoughts don’t make sence,
Just like my presence,
I wish my ties were severed,
So I can fly free.
Flying free is what I long for,
I could leave it all behind,
I would float amongst the clouds,
finally released […]
My mom and I just got in another fight. It’s always about stupid stuff. I just can’t do this anymore. She treats me like such a child and all I want to do is leave but, not enough money..
Between my parents, school, and just feeling awful in general all I want to do is just slice my arms up til I can’t feel anymore. But I work the weekend and I don’t want anyone to see them. I know it’s bad and I know I shouldni’t do it, but cuttings the only thing that helps anymore. For even just a little bit it makes me […]
You read the stories of people suffering and slowly dying. You hear the words of being told a person is dead over and over again in your dreams. You see everyone you know around you dying suddenly without signs. You cry every night when you remember them living. You beg God to somehow bring them back to you and alive again. You feel the presence of your lost friends at your side all the time. You replay the scenes of their death over and over again. You spend hours memorizing facts about the people you lost. You reread your last message or recall your last […]
I have happy moments. Immensely happy moments. However, at the back of my mind there’s always that darkness there. It’s like I’ll be doing something great and fun and I’ll be feeling great, then I suddenly think to myself about whether I’m still desperate to disappear. The answer’s always ‘Yes’. That scares me. When I’m having a darker day, things feel worse, but it bothers me that even on my better days, I’d still rather be elsewhere.
I want to go back to when I never questioned my existence.
I want to laugh today without considering the tears of tomorrow.
I want to have good days unquestionably.
I want […]
There is nothing wrong with being suicidal, but acting on it is.
It is okay to want to die!!
But just know, you prob, feel that way because ou felt unloved or hated by the world, but we have each other.
And, you know what screw the world.
If you think about it some people in the world who arenot suicidal are more messed up than us.
It’s ok
We just have to know our lives aren’t just for us, we love for Jesus and truth and love and all things good, but if you don’t believe that you can die!
And you may not […]
I am still stuck in this terrible rut. I am so scared of everything. I can barely eat anything, all I see is how I let my family down and I hope I do not make them suffer including my father who is about to turn 60. I am scared of school, I am scared of debt collectors, and I really feel that I just messed my life up for good.
I am just so sick of it all. I am in so much debt from college that I do not even know what to do. Unless I can pull a miracle I will have debt collectors hounding me. I really see no light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m not too sure what to do anymore. Nights are the worst for this constant depression, days aren’t too bad because if i’m at work I don’t have time to think about them. I have to wear long sleeves at work though, weather it be hot or cold out just because  my scars and cuts make me a little insecure. But that’s not bad. Just lately, it’s been getting worse. I do NOT want to kill myself. I mean, I think it would just make all the pain go away but i want to see what live has to show me. I’ve been thinking lately […]
I’m 95% certain I’m gonna leave this world by my own hands
already tried to leave around last christmas .. I ingested some highly toxic substance (used to unblock sinks) hoping it’d damage my stomach .. all I did was throw up (2-3 times) and I lost the ability to taste for a week
this time, I’m going to hang myself
but for some reason, I keep postponing this even though I have no attachment to this world nor am afraid of what awaits me on the other side
(I believe death is “just” a transition between the physical world & other planes of reality)
I feel like if my […]