I love the days where im home alone so i can drink which helps me cope with my unqiue situation, (read my past posts). Ihave unique problems. Social awkardness to say the least. Im scaredto find out my online schooling mark, im sure i failed one class and my moms gunna flip probably. Im actually going to bc this summer to visit a friend i havent seen in a long time and i honestly dont want to . i WANT OUT
I spend every second of every single day trying to make sure that I am “skinny”. I don’t even want to be like.. anorexic. I just want to have a little skin on my belly. I used to be that, but due to high amounts of stress POOF! There goes my cute little body. I hate looking into the mirror. I wish I could erase what I see. I eat only smart ones, healthy choice, special K, or salad. Literally, this is it. I work out three to four times a week from thirty minutes to an hour. I swear I do not cheat on […]
I cant believe you were not there today, you are my life, you are the only reason I get up in a morning, I dont give a shit about my self, I don’t care if i succeed or fail in life, I dont care about friends, or having a boyfriend, getting dressed up or having fun, I just want to see your face again, I have waited months for today, it was the only thing that has kept me going.  You are so so loved, and you will never know. You are the only person who can save me. I love you.
I used to tell her that if I had to choose between breathing and loving her, that I’d use my last breath to say “I love you”…
A year removed and its a void that can never overcome. So heed my lesson, and hear my warning.. Its better off to be alone..
Alone means nobody can hurt you.
Those eyes are the most beautiful hue of blue I have ever seen. Eyes associated with a complexion that forces even the moon to dull in shine. Surrounding this perfect entity is bliss. A crude seduction is overwhelming as I feel a confidence rise up within me. We are perfect for each other and everyone knows it. My knees go weak knowing he senses my pull towards him. As he walks over to present his hand, all the eyes in the room are fixed on us. I accept. Gorgeous does no justice to the angelic footsteps gliding me around the room. My cheeks turn red as […]
Hi usually I visit here when I am preparing myself to get of this roller coaster joke called life.
I have had a few good rants and read others rants and sad stories.
I have succeeded in alienating my self from all my friends and most of my family . As was planned so I could just slip away.
I have problems with who I am. As I am gay oriented (maybe bi ) male brought up in a gay hateful environment I have grown up to be very homophobic myself. How this relates to me Is I hate myself for being gay. While I […]
im 17.. i feel like such a little kid around every one.. they all treat me that way.. little things mess with me really bad. i have borderline personality disorder.. i haven’t had a very good life and i understand that.. i understand that there are people out there who have had it worse than me.. i just don’t no why all this has happened too me. if there really is a god out there then why are all of these good people having bad things happen to them..i was raped by my brother and my little sisters brother from the time i was 5 […]
Im 21 years old and have attempted suicide 5 times. I was sexually and physically abused growing up by my alcoholic dad and emotionally and mentally abused by my mom.  I have been raped more times than i can count by more than 7 diferent people all belonging to the same group of friends. I got pregnant by one of them and that made me more depressed but then i became to welcome the fact that i would have someone i could love and would be loved back. at 21 and a half weeks on July 17, 2011 i gave birth to a stillborn 5 ounce baby girl who was […]
With all the things in life there are to hate and to make us so profoundly sad, love shouldn’t be one of them. It has always been a mystery to me. For some people love is a reason to live. Sharing love with that special person makes everything else worth it. Â It breaks through all the bullshit and gives them the strength to handle anything.
For the rest of us it is elusive. The ones we love will never love us. We are the constantly lonely and chronically untouched. Love is painful. It reminds us of all the things we’ll never have and we’ll never be.
I […]
My first post on here after reading the posts for a while.
I let someone in for the first time in years, 11 to be exact, but now I feel worse than ever! I’m 22 and since I was 11 I’ve dealt with feelings of being worthless and being made to feel like I was unwanted, by friends and family and even people I didn’t know. I’ve dealt with being alone for 11 years, I had come to terms with it and even though feelings of depression and suicide would take over from time to time I had found my own ways of dealing with […]
I’m not really good at anything besides listening to people.
I’ve always wanted to become a writer, photographer, artist, music maker.
But I’m not good at any of those things.
Anything really, besides listening to people.
Having that be my career… Listening to people (therapist) but once again; no one listening to me,
It hurts me . It seems stupid but it does.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love helping people… I just wanted to do something else.
But it’s whatever, right.. ?
I never thought I’d ever contemplate  ending it all.  Even when I had to deal with tough times before, I knew things would get better.
Now, I finally understand why people feel this way. This time, my problems are so unbelievably  bad that I just don’t see a way out of this. None of my options are good. No matter what I do, my life is already  too fucked up.
I can’t go back, I am dying in my current situation, and it’s the only two choicesi have. Because of love, I gave up everything I had and was, and now I’m stuck in a country I […]
If he lives I hope you all die painful, torturous deaths. If he doesn’t make it, I hope you live extremely long lives. And I hope that everyone you ever love is taken from you. If he dies I hope your lives are hell. I want you to wish that you could have been afforded the courtesy of being beaten to death. I hope someone bashes your fucking kneecaps in. I want you to wish you were dead. I hope you fucking rot. You deserve less than nothing.
Getting drunk or wanting money is not an excuse. You’re fucking pigs. Worthless pieces of shit. You don’t […]
Life was always hard on me, from the day I was born.. with an alcohlic father who had abandoned me and my mother when I was 2 and a mother who’s hobby is to blame me for everything and yell at me.. Really no one to care for me at this age. I was always alone and I tried my best to always get out of the house as much as I could because why would I stay there..
When I got older and there had been more yelling towards me, neglect, and beatings.. I even remember one time when i was in grade 2 and […]
Lately, I’ve been trying to determine if I was born broken or if my life made me this way.
I mean, I can go down the list of my life experiences and lay out a path of the things that seem to have lead up to the way I am now. But, might not a better person, with better DNA or a better soul or whatever you believe to be at the core of us, have reacted differently to the same kind of life. Maybe I’m just not meant to be well, or worthy or happy.
I can’t sleep much at all anymore. My mind just races […]
Over the last 3 or 4 years, I have been sinking further into despair. I am now at a point where I am ready to exit. The times I have been most at peace over the last few years have generally been when I have been sleeping; I figure that a sleep where I never wake up would be a good thing. I know this might sound like a First World Problem, but my descent began when I got made redundant during the GFC. Since then, I have had to take jobs that have paid less, and also had to use up all of my savings during […]
I am not one for showing my true feelings to the general public. I consider myself to have gone completely numb on the inside but nobody could ever tell thanks to my happy personality which I fake just so I do not have to answer questions regarding my true life. I thought once I got out of high school my life would be a bit different, it is in some ways but not everything is peachy. I have been physically and mentally abused by my mom since I was born and I am 21 now and it still continues. According to her I am worthless, […]
Sometimes I wish I was normal but that’s never going to happen. Life is supposed to get better but I doubt that. All I feel is numbness and it’s better than the pain I felt before. The only thing stopping me from going through with suicide is my best friends wouldn’t be able to handle my death well. My mom stopped caring about me a long time ago but my dad would go crazy without me with him. I refuse to live for myself, I only live for them, although I don’t care about myself, I care too much about others to put them through […]
I’m Carys, and this is my story. It started back in seventh grade, from January to now. I had recently met a girl, Kristin. We clicked right away and life was good. Until summer. One of my friends from before, Olivia, started acting up a bit. She was quieter, and preferred to stay behind more. I got concerned, but she wouldn’t say anything. Later, I discovered Kristin was a lesbian, and she liked me. I was kind of astonished, and I didn’t know what to think. Eventually, I fell in love with her. At the same time, however, Olivia revealed to me she liked Kristin. […]
it’s been along time since i came on here. I have many reasons why i didn’t come back here for a while. one of them was because on march 7th, just in time something happened. And after that alot more things happened that made that moment- not so unique anymore. for anyone that’s read my posts before, this one is nothing new- still me typing probably not making any sense i just write as i think i guess.
Im stupid in love, not with him, with the idea of what life should be. I expected it to be a certain way by now, and i expect […]
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