Hi, I dont know who to talk to or who to open up to because my pain is my pain. And no one can ease that pain. I sit here and I think that the people that said they love me or care for me but where are they now. It’s true, I’m going to be alone and no one to cry to or tell me we are going to get through this together. W hy have these men come into my life and took that one thing I CHERISHED. Therevare times whereby I just want to find that one blade that will end my […]
Tag:
Mask
FUCK THEM!!!
FUCK THOSE THERAPISTS!!!!!
I’m really mad right now…The therapists say that they want to make me better and they will do everything to make me better. Yeah right. I’ve been in therapy for ten months now there and it only got worse and worse. I have going to the part-time therapy (5 days a week from 9 am till 3 pm) for 4 months now, and I have reached none of my goals. And those therapists…. they really sucked!! I really feel like they don’t take me serious. This was a conversation I had a few weeks ago when I told the therapists that […]
I’m sick of crying all the time. I wish the tears would Stop. Can’t you see I’m not fine?! I have looked for love and acceptance everywhere but I’ve only been JUDGED. The most horrible thing is when you’re judged by that person you love unconditionally. They hate being seen with you in public and avoid you when you’re going through a tough time. I have nobody else to turn to. I just cannot remove this mask to others. My mind is clouded with self depreciating thoughts. I just don’t want to live anymore.
I feel myself slipping away. I feel my cares, my concerns, my passions and my obligations no longer have any meaning. I want the end. I want the peace and serenity that comes with it. I feel no remorse for those that will. I feel only the burden of my choices crashing down on me. I feel the stare from the eyes of the woman I love. I feel their sadness, I feel their anger, I feel their doubt and, finally, I feel their relief. I wish I could have been more. I wish I could have lived up to expectations. I wish the one […]
Well.. Hello fellow people on here. I guess we’re all here for the same reason. Because we’re alone. Clearly none of us have anywhere to run to in real life. So we search for it on the Internet. Where anyone can be who they want. Where we can all hide behind a mask and not be ashamed of who we are..
Well, anyway. In ash. Well that’s what I go by anyway.
The point of this post is to help anyone in need. I promise I am good help and will listen. I actually plan on majoring in psychology when I go to college in […]
aha gettit? Cause I’ll die. I hope you do understand the just of it because most don’t, they don’t understand the god damn fake mask, and quite frankly it itches and I want to take this god awful smile away when it’s not true. I will do it, either your in or your out. Choose, looking at my coffin or laughing beside me on the way down? I don’t want you to die…. Of corse I don’t 🙁 but you won’t let me go, without you too… And.. I can’t take it. Your life or the time in this everlasting nightmare
And into the world stared these gleaming blue eyes
Which she saw past its dimension and only despised
This beauty she portrayed everyone had seen
But disguised sadness she made it serene
The greatest flaw that had filled her heart
Perfection only the beginning, just the start
With blonde stringy hair she curled her hand into a fist
Glass mirror she had feared, now stareing at her wrist
The pale white skin was now deep within her reflection
An enemy she had seen, with this girl had no connection
Tears streamed down and began to hit the sink
Matched the blood that seeped now combining to pink
Cutting she thought was her only escape
From the horrid memory of her Elusive rape
The outer […]
My name is B and I’m lost. I don’t think it’s even possible to be found anymore. You see, I came out of the factory broken. I’m just one of those people that bad things happen to. It’s a fact of life, one I always just accepted. But these past few years have been making it harder to trudge on. I get better, then get worse, then seem to get better again before I fall into a deep dark pit. I can’t tell anyone around me that I need help. I can’t let them know I’m not perfect. I feel like admitting that would make […]
Why??!! Why??!! Why does everybody always say that I’m happy, and I’m funny and laughing and stuff?! Do they really don’t see that HUGE mask I wear most of the time??? It’s just so crazy. Today too, I was at the part-time therapy (monday till friday from 9am till 3pm) and the group and the therapists thought that I was happy and that everything was okay, and so on. And that while they know I wear often a mask and that it goes really bad with me right now. But how hard I tried, they wouldn’t believe me I’m feeling really bad and that all […]
My name is Nothing.
At least, that’s what The Clowns calls me.
I slip on my clothes and stumble down stairs. The Mrs.Clown is getting ready for work while The Mr.Clown reads the paper. As if I am a ghost, they stare through me and I slump into the chair at the table. The Ms.Clown tosses a breakfast plate in the direction it thinks I am. I reach out and catch it. Lies again. I think to myself, “Is there nothing else to eat in the world?” I pick the word love up and bring it to my mouth it tastes bitter, but it is needed […]
ok so my best friend is 13 and beautiful shes smaler bulit, blonde hair blue eyes and an amazing smile. she was happy most of the time and always was talking about twiight she was all about the cullens and she went to a normal middle school and had friends who cared and loved her, but she didnt see that, she saw her self so much differnt, i know this site is for kids who are thinking wrong and in a bad place, but if u keep that life up you wll be in the same stop that kaitie is in.. gone, dont get me […]
I’ve tried turning my life round, but yet again I’ve failed. I keep trying to better myself but everything ends up being a false dawn of hope or another fuck up to add to the ever extending list. I’ve always been a bit melancholy but I love having a laugh. I want to be in love again but I can’t open up. People say that I sometimes come across as cocky or supremely confident, yet I’m actually shy and unsure of myself. I’m one huge contradiction. I can easily identify with those who say they wear a mask in front of others and hide what […]
“Son come over here
Daddy’s here you hear?”
“Daddy dont come near”
“Son there’s nothin to fear”
“Daddy, just not in my rear”
“Please son, don’t be queer
Imma let your mother steer
If it’s okay with you dear,
Imma crush this boy with the sheer
Fucking size of my spear”
Now it’s all crystal clear
So they locked him away
Ain’t seen him to this day
They ask but I refuse to say
A goddamn word to that fucking gay
There’s no fucking way
That even for a moment I’d stay
Anywhere near him, okay!?
He deserves to rot in the penitentiary
For the next half […]
I’m still breathing, the blood is still rushing through my veins, my hands are still moving. From the outside, everything seems to be okay. I seem like a normal high school girl, with a bubbly personality, always smiling, always happy. If only they would take the time to look beneath that mask I put on everyday. If only they would go that extra step to notice that the countless scars on my arm are not from my rabbits, but from my Swiss knife. If only they would realize that their words kick me over the edge every time.
I could probably spend ages going through each […]
I can’t live anymore.
I’ve tried to suicide since I was 11, and I was suicidal when I was 10.
I’ve faked a smile, a laugh; I’m good at hiding my emotions. I can act like I’m perfectly happy, when I’m hurt. I can’t help it. I don’t want to show. I can’t speak up. I’m trapped in a living nightmare.
I feel like I have no family. My mom is always at work. And my dad…Him.
He sits in front of the computer and never seems to even MOVE. He’s like a statue, frozen. I feel like I can’t talk. Talking to a statue is pointless […]
I know this is ridiculously long and most of you won’t care about what I have to say. That’s okay. I just needed to release some depression somewhere. I’ve been feeling worse and worse lately even though I know I’m trying to head in the right direction. I just needed to vent some frustration. I always say I’m doing this for me, changing for myself, but it still kills me when my family shows me how worthless I am… so here are my thoughts for the past week.
I’m amazed at how well I’ve become at wearing a mask. I’m able to conceal my emotions so […]
all I want is for someone to ask me if I’m OK and know that I’m lying when I say that I’m fine
written by ifsomeonecared...
Life has been pretty hard lately. I’ve been really sad quite often  for pretty much no reason and I never want to get out of bed, like ever. I try doing homework and then I decide to just sit there staring or surf the web or go back to sleep. It scares me, I don’t want to feel this way. I wish I could talk to someone about the way I feel but I don’t feel like there’s anyone I can trust.
It’s worse when I’m tired, I just sit there and hardly talk at all and feel terrible and all I want is for someone […]
Hey there guys…its me again…well today started out bad and hasn’t got much better really on the bright side dad had to leave for school today and wont be back till at least Tuesday or Wednesday, but he couldn’t leave on a good note. He had to tell me i was a lazy useless fat ass so i’ve decided until i get down to a better weight today was my last time eating. I’m sick of his mouth i’m sick of living in this house and having to have a worthless father who i feel like doesn’t want me here anyway. On another note mom did […]
The monster, the mask, and the person under the wet and dirty mud…Which one do I feel I want to get rid of? Well that would be the mask, because it is so…boring, painful, dull, and sad to put on everyday. But…what if I need it again? I am sick of feeling like I can’t even get a chance to breathe. But the mask, I may need it again.
I have been cut free for a year as of last week. I have never known any cutters other than myself, but that maybe because I never told anyone . No why would they expect that the laughing funny guy is just a mask to hide my rotting face behind.Even though its nearly killed me several times I still want to cut. When I cut I pretend I was a surgeon and I was just performing an operation, nothing was solved but nothing mattered.Does this ever go away? Its funny, such a little piece of metal can control me so easily.I cut  off one eyebrow […]